


The Café Accident

by Hollsteinholic



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Carmilla - Freeform, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:12:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5613547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollsteinholic/pseuds/Hollsteinholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla visits the café every afternoon to read her book and sip on coffee. It has been her daily routine for two years now. She always sits in the furthest back corner by the small window, but one day she is however forced to find another table when hers is taken. Two years of luck getting to sit by her favorite table every day is bound to run out one day, right? Little does she know that it'll change her life forever when a clumsy, tiny gay crashes into her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Café Accident

**Author's Note:**

> The story is written in third-person, but will mainly focus on Carmilla's thoughts and feelings. A little bit of Laura's too, to begin with, it'll will become more of Laura's feelings and thoughts towards later chapters. The chapters consists of one happening/moment in their lives at a time, jumping both backwards and forwards in time. So, it will not be a fluid story, picking up where the last chapter ended. They will mostly be together, but there will also be backstory chapters, which will only focus on either Carmilla or Laura at a time.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

There are very few things Carmilla Karntein love. If what you love would for some reason go way, it would be much easier to deal with if you're not too attached. However, to sit in a small café after work, sipping on newly brewed coffee and getting lost in a good book was definitely one of the few things. Books of course the second one, because what is there not to love about books?

That pretty much summed up her whole list of things - not that she was keeping one - but yes, there are very few things Carmilla truly love.

* * *

 

On that particular day when Carmilla arrived at the café she had visited regularly for the past two years to order her coffee, sit by her regular table at the furthest back corner by the window and read her beloved book, let's just say, things hadn’t really gone the way they usually do.

When she walked through the glass door - hearing that familiar ding from the little golden bell - she immediately noticed that her usual spot by the window was taken by a couple. They were holding hands over the round table. Carmilla rolled her eyes at them and sighed quietly.

**For the love of everything, not today!**

_Calm down, it’s not the end of the world Carmilla._

For a brief second she thought about leaving and returning later, but it looked like the couple had just sat down by the table and had no intention of leaving soon. She had already arrived at the café later than she usually does and she really didn’t feel like skipping her visit after the shit day she had had at work.

_You’re just going to have to get another seat, c’mon!_

She sighed gain - a little louder this time - and walked up to the line to order her coffee. It was bound to happen someday, right? Her luck of getting to sit in that corner every day for two years was bound to run out sooner or later, she knew that. She had just hoped for later. Much later.

“Hello, Carmilla. The usual I suppose?” Elsie greeted her with that familiar sweet smile that was always present on her lips when Carmilla arrived at the café. A while ago Elsie used to take a break whenever Carmilla arrived to join her for a coffee a few times a week. Carmilla hadn't minded it, Elsie was really nice and they eventually ended up dating - kind of, sort of, ish. However it had been short lived. Carmilla just hadn't felt it and they decided it was best to just be friends. Although Elsie obviously hadn't quite agreed, because she completely stopped joining Carmilla after that. But she still smiled a little bit brighter whenever Carmilla was around.

Carmilla nodded slightly and forced a small smile, not feeling like small talking that particular day.

When Carmilla had received her coffee she found out that finding a new place to sit was harder that it seemed. For some reason the café was more crowded that usual, but after a little waiting she managed to catch a table almost right in the middle of the café. It made her feel a bit uneasy to sit where absolutely everyone could see her, but it was the best at the moment and she really didn't feel like waiting for someone else to leave.

 _It’s only for today_ ; she tried to convince herself while sitting down.

Carmilla sat down and placed her black leather bag besides her chair, but when not being used to people actually being able to walk not only besides her on both sides, but also behind her, she hadn't placed her bag carefully. Her carelessness resulted in that the bag ended up half standing besides her chair, half sticking out behind it, making it a death trap for anyone who weren't watching where they were going.

* * *

 

Almost an hour later, the coffee was long gone and Carmilla was feeling rather comfy, despite the circumstances of not getting to sit by the window back in the corner.

She had been completely lost in her book and in her own world when she suddenly was slung out to reality by a loud noise behind her. It had sounded like a shriek, followed by a loud thud and a “Fuck!”.

Carmilla quickly turned her head, still holding her book in reading position in front of her face. When she lowered it, she saw a woman - about her age - sitting on the floor behind her. Her dark blonde hair was hanging down over her face as she rubbed her knees which had probably taken the hit from her fall.

The woman had tripped over the death trap of a bag besides Carmilla’s chair, fallen and spilled most of her coffee on herself, but also some on Carmilla’s back. She could feel the heat spread on the center of her back, but she ignored it.

Carmilla had been in shock for a couple of seconds and all she managed to do was to stare at the woman on the floor, but when she realized what had happened, she shot up to a standing position from her chair.

“Holy crap, I’m so incredibly sorry! Are you okay?” Carmilla said as she went up besides the unknown woman. Carmilla had stretched out a hand and offered the woman help to get up from the floor, which she immediately took and was quickly up on her feet.

The woman removed her thick hair from her face and let out a little sigh, but she didn’t look mad. No, she didn’t look mad at all, she actually smiled towards Carmilla.

Carmilla did have a habit of looking a bit too long - almost staring sometimes - when she looked at people before now, but how could she even try to not stare at the woman in front of her? She was absolutely stunning! Even with coffee dripping from her shirt and her hair in a little mess.

Light brown eyes met Carmilla’s dark brown ones and they stood like that, just looking at each other, for what seemed like forever to Carmilla. Though, it had probably just been half a second.

“I’m fine, just very clumsy, that’s all.” The woman finally said and looked down at her shirt. “My shirt on the other hand, is not so fine. Wow, it's soaking.” She chuckled and when she did, Carmilla had sworn that in front of her stood a ray of sunshine in human form.

The woman seemed to be completely untouched by the fact that she had just tripped, fallen on her face and spilled coffee not only all over herself, but also a complete stranger. She had just smiled at Carmilla, the most genuine and bright little smile Carmilla had ever seen.

“Oh shit, your shirt… God, I’m so sorry!” Carmilla panicked when she actually realized the woman’s shirt was soaked in coffee. 

“I live just around the corner, you could borrow my shower if you’d like, and some clothes of course. That’s the least I could do for causing this," she scratched her neck, "I mean, if you want to of course. You don’t have to, because I’m a stranger and all but…” Interacting with people had definitely never been Carmilla’s strong side, but the smile on the other woman's lips had only grown bigger and she held up her hand to interrupt the very nervous and ashamed Carmilla.

“That’s very nice of you, I’d like that.” She said and picked up her jacket from the floor, ready to go. Carmilla rasied her eyebrows in disbelief. Did she really just agree that fast to go home with a stranger? She tried to put on a smile herself, though it had probably looked very stiff and more like a straight line on her face.

(Could this day become any stranger?)

* * *

 

Carmilla wished she was a much tidier person the second they entered her not at all clean or tidy apartment.

An apologize  for the mess was about to slip out of her, but the woman commented on how nice her apartment was before it go out. Carmilla almost snorted. That was obviously a lie to be nice. There was nothing nice about her apartment at all.

Though on the other hand, the woman didn’t look like she was lying at all. She looked as genuine as before, when they were at the café.

Carmilla had caught herself thinking how this woman was even real before she mentally slapped herself.

_Get yourself together Karnstein._

“Ehm, the bathroom is over here.” Carmilla gestured with her hand to a door at the end of the hallway before walking up to it. She opened the white door and quickly grabbed a towel from a cabinet directly to the left before she handed it to the woman. "Thanks." The woman said and smiled again.

“I’ll just go grab you some clothes then.” Carmilla tried to put on a smile herself before she left, but had probably still looked as awkward as before. It sure as hell felt like it. She sighed as she walked towards her bedroom.

What the hell was up with this day? Carmilla had gone to the café thinking she'd get to drink her coffee and read her book in peace, but oh how wrong she had been. Instead she ended up with an unknown woman in her apartment. A woman whose name she didn't even know yet.

(A woman who was very attractive and had kind of taken Carmilla's breath away, but she would of course not admit that to herself. There is no such thing as _taking her breath away._ No way in hell).

Carmilla pinched the bridge of her nose as she entered her bedroom, hoping it would magically cure the headache she'd been dealing with during the whole day. She opened the closet and stared into it. What was she even going to bring back? She highly doubted that the woman would want to wear leather pants and a flannel shirt.

She scoffed at the fact that how the woman dressed was the complete opposite of how Carmilla dressed; colorful and neatly.

(She then had to struggle not to imagine the woman in an actual pair of leather pants. God, what is wrong with her.)

When Carmilla walked back to bathroom from her bedroom - a pair of sweatpants and a couple of different tees in her hands - she heard the noise of running water. She stopped half way there and rose an eyebrow. The woman had started her shower without waiting for Carmilla to return with clothes.

**She sure is full of surprises.**

_But very cute surprises though!_

Carmilla sighed quietly and went back to place the clothes on her bed. She shook her head slightly before leaving the bedroom again. What a freaking day.

* * *

 

While the woman (Carmilla really needed to ask her for her name) was in the shower, Carmilla changed into a clean, dark grey T-shirt with a very faded yellow and white print and a pair of looser fitting black jeans.

She had also been able to make some coffee and put it out on the coffee table in the living room before the woman came out from the shower. To make up for that the woman never got a chance to drink hers at the café before becoming a victim of Carmilla’s bag.

She had just placed the two dark blue mugs on the table when the woman exited the bathroom, having nothing but the black towel to cover up her body.

Carmilla was dangerously close to dropping her jaw at the sight and she was very thankful for that she had time to put down the mugs, because she would’ve definitely had dropped them.

The woman smiled at her. “It was very nice of you to let me borrow your shower-" she glanced down at the table "-oh, and you made coffee! You didn’t have to go through all that trouble just for me; it was an accident after all." She smiled again, this time leaning her head a bit to the side. "But thank you, that's very sweet of you." She still smiled that stupid, genuine, sunshine smile that made Carmilla feel like a crushing high school girl.

“Oh no, don’t mention it. It’s the least I can do,” Carmilla held up her hands in front of her chest, “and you’re pretty sweet yourself." She paused for a second and thought about trying a bit of a different and daring approach towards the woman. It couldn't hurt to try, it's not everyday you have an attractive woman standing in your living room - especially for Carmilla. "Pretty and sweet.” Carmilla winked at her before her lips formed into a crooked smile.

And what was that? A slight blush had spread on the woman's cheeks after Carmilla had given her the compliment.

She had seemed to be so untouched by everything that had happened; by the fact that she was standing in a stranger’s house with nothing but a towel around her body. Carmilla had found it really adorable that the woman had a moment of being a bit shy and blushing.

“There are clothes on my bed, choose whatever suits you, cutie.” Carmilla said and this time she smiled in a much more relaxed way. The woman tugged a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled shyly, obviously because of the nickname.

(Absolutely worth the try of being her more daring self.)

“My name is Carmilla, by the way," Carmilla added before the woman had completely left the living room. The woman turned her head. “I’m Laura," she smiled - slight red color still spreading across her cheeks - and then closed the door to the bedroom behind her.

_Laura._

**What the hell are you doing Carmilla?**

_It’s such a pretty name._

* * *

 

When the woman - or Laura - had changed into some clean clothes, she joined Carmilla on the black leather couch. Carmilla immediately handed her a mug of coffee and then took a sip of hers.

“Maybe not fancy like café coffee, but I hope it’ll make up for it anyways,” Carmilla smirked and Laura blushed once again.

Carmilla was discovering a completely different side of this woman than what she had seen at the café. A shy and absolutely adorable side, which had flamed a huge feeling of that she wanted to get to know Laura better.

_You need to get to know her._

 “It’s more than perfect.” Laura assured with a smile and took a second sip.

They sat like that, just sipping on their coffee in silence for a while, taking in everything that had happened during the day.

Weirdly enough, there had been nothing awkward about their silence, but despite that Carmilla couldn’t hold in the feeling of that she needed to get to know Laura better after a while. She had started to become incredibly curious - almost intrigued - about this tiny, blonde woman.

Okay, she wasn’t _that_ tiny, but she was at least half a head shorter than Carmilla.

_Go on; tell her to talk about herself._

“So, tell me about yourself, Laura.” Carmilla said and smiled a bit towards her, hoping she hadn’t sounded like a complete creep when saying that.

Laura glanced up at her while taking a big sip of her coffee. “Sure!” She said and settled her mug on the table, then folded her hands over her knee and looked back towards Carmilla.

* * *

 

Never in her entire life had Carmilla met someone who could talk as much as Laura did, and in that incredible speed.

Not that Carmilla had socialized with many people in her life outside her family, but really, this girl never stopped and Carmilla found it hard to not get tangled up in everything she said.

But she actually listened though, carefully and with an interested glimpse in her eyes.

During Laura’s speedy ranting, Carmilla learned that Laura had studied journalism at university; though after she had graduated she had worked at a lot of different places which hadn’t included journalism, before actually becoming a columnist for a small, local newspaper, where she currently worked. She had been a real nerd (or overly ambitious enthusiast as Laura called it - nerd, with other words in Carmilla's world) at collage.

"I guess you could say I studied my ass off," she chuckled, "we had this journalism project, which I might have taken a little bit too seriously, where we were going to video document ourselves doing an investigation. I recorded like literally every single thing that happened, sometimes I even forgot to turn off the web camera over night," she told and laughed at her teenage self.

And now, Laura lived on the south part of town, but she wasn’t originally from here. She had moved here, mainly because of the opportunity to get a job at the newspaper, but also to get away - get some diversity into her life. That was three years ago. She was an only child with an overprotecting father and a dead mother.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Carmilla said, but Laura just shook her head. "No, don't worry, it was a long time ago. I had just turned 10 when it happened," she said and smiled, but there was a little hint of sad hiding in behind it. Carmilla noticed and she couldn't help but to feel empathy towards Laura despite her trying to assure she was fine.

Carmilla usually didn’t care much for other people or their stories, but she had been very interested in hearing about Laura’s life. It was like reading the first pages of a book, immediately knowing that it was going to be an amazing read; one that would leave you wanting to start over again once it was finished. Or wondering how it would continue.

It became silent between them. It almost felt a bit weird after such a long time of listening to Laura talk and Carmilla kind of didn't want her to stop. It was fascinating how much Laura could talk and not seem to be out of breath or getting a single bit tired.

"So-" Carmilla wrapped her fingers around her mug and took a sip-"what brough you to the café today?" She then asked and moved so that she was sitting cross-legged on the couch.

“I actually go to the café quite often. I have seen you a lot of times," Laura said and placed down her mug on the coffee table, "though I’m not surprised you haven’t seen me. You always have your nose buried in a book.” Laura chuckled and turned to Carmilla.

It had been Carmilla’s turn to blush.

(Blush, what! Carmilla never blushed, what was happening to her?)

Carmilla chuckled as well. “Yeah, I like to read. It’s probably the only thing I really like in this messed up world. Books, I mean.”

_And Laura._

**What, no, stop it! You’ve known the girl for like two hours.**

_But she is nice isn’t she? And pretty?_

**Pretty? That’s an understatement, she’s freaking gorgeous.**

_And super adorable?_

**Hell yeah! Wait… No, stop it!**

“Earth to Carmilla, hello?” Laura waved her had in front of Carmilla's, who had been staring into what seemed like nothingness for a couple of seconds.

“What? Oh, sorry, I kinda zoned out for a second.” Carmilla apologized. “What were you saying?”

“I noticed that. Very cute.” Laura smiled before continuing. “I said that I’m really thankful for everything. The shower, clothes and coffee, it was all very thoughtful of you. Sadly I have to go now though, I’ve promised a friend to babysit her kid," she smiled apologetically, "I had fun though, it was really nice.”

Carmilla felt her stomach drop a bit; she didn’t want Laura to leave.

_You like her._

“I had a really good time too. I’m glad we stumbled upon each other, or more accurately: you stumbled upon my bag.” Laura laughed loudly at Carmilla's attempt to a pun.

Well, at least she finds me funny, Carmilla thought.

"My pants luckily didn't get any coffee on them, but my shirt isn't dry yet so I kind of have to hold on to yours." Laura said and pointed at Carmilla's shirt which she was wearing.

"How about I get your number, so I can return it sometime?" She paused as if she was giving what she was going to say next a little bit of thought. "And then we could also maybe grab a coffee together at the café - I mean if you want to. And without any tripping and spilling it all over the place this time," she said with a bright smile and a small chuckle.

A smile tugged at the corner of Carmilla's lips. “I think I’d like that very much," she said with unfamiliar warmth in her voice, which caught her a bit by surprise. She tried to regain some control over herself with a deep, but discreet breath and handed her phone to Laura so she could add her number to her contact list.

After Laura added her number to Carmilla's phone, they both walked out into the hallway together. When Laura had put her jacket on she turned towards Carmilla, her back facing the door. They were pretty close and it made Carmilla's chest feel warm. She ignored it like everything else she had been - not - feeling that evening.

“I’ll text you," she said with a shy smile. Carmilla nodded and smiled back.

“Bye, Carmilla.” Laura said as she opened the door and took a step backwards out of the apartment.

Carmilla said goodbye back, but it came out more as a whisper, because she was too focused on taking in a last look of Laura before she would close the door and disappear.

Not that she would disappear forever, but Carmilla had a huge feeling she would actually miss her until they would see each other again.

The door closed.

* * *

 

Carmilla stood and stared at the door for a couple of minutes, taking some deep breaths before heading back to the couch. When she sat down, she saw the screen lit up on her phone.

_“I’m convinced we both can’t wait longer than until tomorrow, so what about tomorrow at 5 at the café? / Laura.”_

Carmilla smiled towards the screen.

(Oh my god, she needed to get a grip of herself. She was smiling at a freaking text, gross.)

 _“You’re right. Five sounds good, see you there, cutie."_  She sent the message, but didn’t expect to get an answer so fast.

 _“I know, I’m always right ;) It’s a date, see you!”_ Carmilla took a deep breath to calm her stupid nerves.

It’s a date.

_You do like her._

**A little... I guess.**


	2. The Day After Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura goes on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

The clock turned 4:30.

Carmilla was walking rapidly back and forth in her apartment - mostly tidying up the mess she called her home. Cleaning did not only make her feel a little bit better about her home, but it also helped her keep her mind occupied from the fact that she was going to meet up with Laura in thirty minutes.

That morning Carmilla had just stood in front of the mirror and examined herself. Her pale skin, the dark circles under her eyes and the messy locks of her dark brown hair. She had sighed at the look before she took a long and much needed shower. 

She had probably changed her outfit twenty times during the last two hours before she finally settled with her favorite pair of leather pants, a black crochet t-shirt and a necklace to fancy it all up. Doing her make-up, which usually took her about fifteen minutes took her almost an hour. Whether she should have her hair up or not had been the easiest decision to make and she ended up having it down, because that’s how she preferred it the most.

It was weird, because first of all Carmilla barely knew Laura and second of all Laura saw her yesterday when she hadn’t put much effort or thought into her looks. But despite that, and even though Carmilla wasn’t really the person who cared much for other people or their opinion, a little something inside her did care what Laura thought.

Deep down, she wanted Laura to become as blown away by her as Carmilla had been the first time she saw Laura inside the café (or any time she had looked at Laura really, but that she wouldn't admit to herself). Though she didn't have much hope. Carmilla's pale features, baggy eyes and messy hair was no comparison to Lauras thick honey blonde hair, bright brown eyes and white smile.

Laura is a literal ray of sunshine, she is filled with energy and draws people's attention as she walks past. Carmilla blends with the shadows and avoid any kind of attention whatsoever - nobody notices her and that's how she wants it to be.

* * *

 

When it was quarter to five, Carmilla was done waiting. She had probably cleaned more during those fifteen minutes than she had in the last couple of years all together. Her dumpster was almost not recognizable anymore, but it would likely not take long until it was back to being a dumpster again.

Carmilla grabbed her bag, keys, phone and jacket before she left her - now very clean - apartment behind.

It usually took her about five minutes to walk the café, but this time she walked in way quicker pace than needed and only three minutes passed before she found herself standing outside the familiar glass door.

_You are so nervous; you must really like this girl._

**I've barely known the girl for 24 hours, calm down about it, will you?**

_You calm down, your heart is beating faster than a frightened rabbit’s._

Carmilla took a deep breath before opening the door. She was greeted by the sound of the small, golden bell like always.

She was getting fed up with her feelings suddenly playing with her mind, making her think way too hasty things about Laura and also making her not recognize herself. Carmilla didn't do feelings (unless sarcasm, being snarky and brooding counted as feelings) - she usually suppressed her emotions. Instead she made herself seem untouched by everything and her many underlying insecurities come out as excessive self-confidence instead. It was probably not healthy, but it had been working for her so far.

* * *

 

Before she sat down by her regular table in the corner of the café, Carmilla usually ordered her coffee. But not this time. She wanted to wait for Laura, so they could enjoy every sip of their hot beverages together.

Not only did she wait with ordering her coffee, but Carmilla also chose not to sit down at the table in the corner. Instead, she sat down in the middle of the café by the same table as yesterday. This time, she also made sure to tuck her bag almost all the way under the table. She wouldn’t want another person tripping over it and literally crash into her life out of nowhere a second time - she could only have the luck of it being a cute girl like Laura once.

_Oh, you have become such a softie for this girl already, haven’t you?_

**I have not! It’s called not being rude, for fucks sake.**

_Since when do you care about "not being rude"?_

 

Laura walked through the café door just as the clock turned five.

Very punctual, Carmilla thought for herself and a small smirk grew on her lips.

Carmilla almost rose from her chair to catch Laura's attention, but she caught herself in the last second and remained seated. What the hell? Carmilla would never even think of drawing that kind of attention to herself; she blends with the shadows and avoids attention like the plague, remember. She sighed and rolled her eyes at herself.

Though the bright smile and the most adorable little wave Laura gave Carmilla when she finally spotted her by the table, made Carmilla unable to at least not wave back. That wasn't too bad, a subtle little wave.

“Hi!” Laura said joyfully when she reached the table. Her brown eyes were twinkling in the subdued lighting that was set inside the café. Most of the light actually came from the two candles which were set on each table.

Carmilla had to admit it was pretty cozy, especially with the dark and cold winter weather going on outside.

“Hey,” Carmilla smiled, “I arrived a bit early, as you know I live nearby and I was ready to go a bit before time, so I did.” Carmilla shrugged. “But better early than late, right?”

Laura smiled and nodded in response before hanging her jacket over the chair and taking a seat.

The girl really seems to like button ups, Carmilla thought. Yesterday, Laura had worn a blue, long sleeved one and today she was wearing a short sleeved, slightly see-through, dark blue one filled with small white polka dots and slightly bigger, white bowtie prints.

They became silent for some seconds, their eyes locked.

“Oh, I brought your shirt by the way. Thank you again for letting me borrow it!” Laura said as she started to open her bag to pick up the shirt, breaking the bit of tension which had started to build up between them.

“No problems at all. You can borrow it whenever you want to, creampuff.” Carmilla said and smiled smirkingly. There was the Carmilla she recognized herself to be, bold and daring on the outside - not so bold and daring on the inside.

Laura looked up from her bag with a bit of a confused look, but she was also blushing, obviously flattered by the sugary nickname.

“That’s the oddest, but literally sweetest thing someone has ever called me." She said between small chuckles and dragged the shirt out of her bag.

“Well, you are pretty sweet.” Laura‘s chuckles tuned into a soft laugh at Carmilla’s comment. “I'll decide later if I like it or not," she then said.

Carmilla raised an eyebrow and her smirk grew wider. Like Laura had any choice, Carmilla would absolutely continue to call her creampuff (and maybe other nicknames just to see if they would work as well) after that reaction.

Laura shook her head slightly with a smile and handed the shirt to Carmilla, who reached over the table to grab it. Their fingers slightly brushed as she did, which made a blush rapidly spread across both of their faces.

That was the first time they touched each other without being in a panicked situation which involved falling and lots of spilled coffee. Even though it was just a slight brush against Laura’s index finger, it had sent what felt like electric waves through Carmilla’s hand and down into her stomach.

Carmilla quickly bent down to tuck the shirt down her bag, hoping that Laura didn’t see the red color spreading across her cheeks. She took a deep breath before straightening her back.

“Let’s go order, shall we?” She said with a smile, which was immediately mirrored by a still blushing Laura.

* * *

 

“How much bear spray did you say your dad sent you in collage? Please, don’t tell me there were as many baseball bats.” Carmilla leaned back in her chair with an raised eyebrow, before taking a sip from her coffee.

“He sent me two bags with five cans of bear spray in each! Only one baseball bat though, but at least a dozen spatulas.” Laura threw her arms to her side at the ridiculous amount of protection tools her overprotective dad had provided her with during her years in collage.

Carmilla almost choked on her coffee. “Spatulas? Seriously?”

“Oh, don’t underestimate the power of a spatula. They can hurt quite a lot, so don’t piss me off while I’m cooking.” Laura grinned.

“I don’t think a spatula is enough to scare me away.” Carmilla scoffed and pursed her lips in a mocking smirk back at Laura.

Laura playfully narrowed her eyes towards her and stuck out her tongue quickly like a small stubborn child. “A dozen actually!”

Carmilla believed Laura had already become as adorable as absolutely possible in her eyes, but she just kept on becoming more and more adorable for every second that passed. And she kept on surprising her with all the little things adding to her personality. One second she could be ranting like the world depended on it, the next she was acting like a little child. She could also become quite bold at times; flirting and smirking like Carmilla tended to do a lot.

Whenever Carmilla added a flirty comment, called Laura creampuff, smirked charmingly or looked at Laura with eyes that had become quite seductive, Laura became quiet and very shy. Always blushing and smiling coyly while looking down at her half-finished blueberry cupcake or playing with the white tablecloth.

Carmilla really enjoyed seeing all these sides of Laura, but the flustered Laura was her favorite, because it gave her hope.

“Enough about me, I want to know about you now.” Laura said with her mouth full of blueberry cupcake.

Carmilla froze and stared at Laura.

Laura wanted her to talk about herself, but what was there even to say? Carmilla wasn't exactly the person who enjoyed or was very good at socializing with others. She had never really talked about herself with anyone before, but then again, no one had ever been very interested in knowing. At least not in a long time.

Even though she got along pretty well with most people at her workplace - mostly because of their common interest in books - she hadn’t had real friends since collage. But not even then had she talked much. She had mostly just sat in the back and read a book as her friends talked about only God knows what, which had resulted in them pretty much giving up on trying to get her to join their conversations.

She hadn’t really minded it though - she enjoyed being alone. Though after meeting Laura, she started to question how much she actually enjoyed it, because she found herself liking Laura’s company a lot. She started to realize that for the first time in a long while being in someone’s company didn't feel so bad after all.

“Ehm, well,” she tried to figure out what to say or where to even start. Laura smiled encouragingly at her.

“Maybe tell me where you’re from?” Laura suggested, giving her somewhere to start.

“I was born in Austria, but moved here at young age.” Carmilla answered shortly.

“Austria? Wow, now I have to know more.” Laura rolled her hand in the air, a gesture meant to further encourage Carmilla to continue.

“I ha-" Carmilla stumbled on the words-"have a younger brother and an older sister, though she is adopted. William and Mattie. We grew up in a big very old-fashioned house together with our mother, who owns a rather successful business." Carmilla paused for a second to mentally prepare herself for the memories from her childhood she was about to dig out. "There were lots of rooms for us play in all day. One hide and seek game could take up to two hours, because the house was full of secret passages and hidden rooms.” Carmilla smiled vaguely, remembering how she had searched for her bother for two hours down in the underground passages before finding him all muddy and covered in cobweb.

“That sounds really nice!” Laura said and took a sip of her coffee.

“It was. I was very happy there and so was my family.” Carmilla felt how a wave of nostalgia hit her and her smile grew a little. Though it quickly faded again and she looked down at her empty coffee mug. “But things changed a lot when we moved here though. I was only five and moving across the ocean - leaving all of that behind and so sudden - it was a huge and hard change for an inexperienced little me.”

“I can imagine it must've been hard,” Laura said quietly. Carmila almost scoffed at Laura's naivety, but managed to keep quiet. If Laura only knew how much she really couldn't imagine. 

Laura noticed how a glint of sadness started to appeared in Carmilla’s eyes. She looked at here for a second, then she did something that Carmilla hadn't see coming. Laura stretched out her arm across the table and placed her hand over hers. Then she pursed her lips in a small, but very warm smile.

“You don’t have to talk more about it if you don’t want to. Your childhood I mean." Carmilla looked up at her and studied her face for a moment. They way she looked at Carmilla; a look so genuine, so sincere. Carmilla couldn't help but to feel like she didn't really deserve it - the comfort and Laura's care - but despite that she let herself become embraced by it.

"Tell me about your job instead or anything you feel like. Why you love books so much maybe? ” Laura said with a soft voice and started to caress the side of Carmilla’s hand with her thumb.

Carmilla found the touch incredibly comforting. Just the small caresses from Laura's thumb made Carmilla instantly calm and forget all about what she didn’t want to remember about her childhood. All she didn't want Laura to find out. Things that belonged in the past.

"Alright," Carmilla said and turned her hand around so she could grab Laura’s - squeezing it gently as a thank you. Laura looked down at their hands for a second, then she smiled a smile so bright her whole face lit up and Carmilla knew she had made the right decision by grabbing her hand.

“I work the library downtown.” Carmilla started.

“Of course you do!” Laura grinned at her.

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

Laura giggled at Carmilla’s reaction and her somewhat failed attempt to look offended.

“You are always reading, like always. Every time I’ve seen you at the café, you have always had a book in your hand. You never put it down, not even when you take a sip of your coffee.”

“Well, that is because books are awesome, cupcake." Carmilla grinned slightly at the faint blush on Laura's cheeks.

"You get to create a whole world with the help of words and your own imagination. It allows you escape reality for a while." Carmilla paused for a second. "There’s just something about sitting in a crowded place, but not actually being able to notice the crowd or hear the voices around you, because you get so deeply pulled into your own mind. Then the feeling of when you stop reading for a second and you get sucked back to reality and you realize that two hours has already passed, but it felt like five minutes,” Carmilla explained, sounding rather distant as she did.

Laura placed her elbow on the table and rested her head in her hand. Her head was tilted and a slight smile was formed on her lips as she watched Carmilla talk about the feeling books gave her. The way her dark brown eyes lit up while she was talking was probably one of the most beautiful things Laura had ever seen. It was something completely else from when Carmilla had talked about her childhood.

“I’m sorry, this must be incredibly boring for you to listen to. Me getting all sentimental over books.” Carmilla chuckled, but Laura just stayed as she was - head rested in her hand - taking in the sight of Carmilla for just a few more seconds.

“I like the way your eyes light up when you talk about it.” Laura finally said.

Carmilla didn’t say anything, because she didn’t know how to respond to that other than smiling appreciatively. Laura smiled back at her.

_She sure knows how to melt a girl’s heart. Even the coldest ones._

**She sure does.**

* * *

 

Carmilla had immediately insisted on walking Laura home once they started to get ready to leave the café, only thirty minutes before closing time.

“Don't take me wrong - it's very considerate of you - but you live like five minutes from here and I, well not as close. It’s really cold outside, Carmilla.” Laura said as she had been taking her jacket on.

It was not that Laura didn’t want Carmilla to walk with her home, not at all. It was just actually _really_ cold outside and walking Laura to her apartment would mean a long walk back home for Carmilla.

“Cupcake, it’s really no troubles. I need to make sure my date gets home safely, don’t I?” Carmilla said and winked at her. Laura pressed her lips together in an attempt to hide the shy mile that was threatening to form on her lips.

Carmilla noticed her struggle and grinned. "So, are you ready to go?"

Laura gave up and nodded with a small sigh of defeat. She just couldn’t argue against that annoyingly attractive grin Carmilla was giving her.

They excited the café and Carmilla gestured with her hand for Laura to show the way and smiled that charming smirky smile.

“Alright then, but don’t blame me if you freeze your toes off on your way back home.” Laura said and shivered a bit from the cold evening air before she started walking.

Carmilla chuckled. “It would be worth it.”

Laura gave her a slight glance and she was very sure she was blushing, because her cheeks were suddenly burning with warmth - an obvious contrast to the bitingly cold winter air.

* * *

 

As she walked Laura home, Carmilla really wanted to take Laura’s hand, but she still wasn’t quite audacious enough to go that far.

She could call Laura cupcake and other sweet nicknames, wink at her, look at her with seductive eyes and flirt with her almost shamelessly. But a touch.

A touch was something completely different from all of that. It was way more loaded and intense than words or looks could ever be. Carmilla wasn't sure if she would be able to handle that. Her feelings for this girl she only met yesterday ( _yesterday_ ) were developing way too hastily - no matter how much Carmilla tried to push them down - and it was a bit unnerving.

However, when they arrived outside Laura’s apartment port, Carmilla couldn't help but feel rather disappointed at herself. She could have taken Laura's hand; it wouldn't have been _that_ big of a deal, wouldn't it? It was just hand holding, it was not like she would be trying to bang Laura right there and then.

For a split second, she wondered if Laura was disappointed too.

“So, here we are," Laura said with a gentle sigh and turned to face Carmilla, who also turned to face her.

“Well, that wasn't so bad,” Carmilla said and grinned towards Laura.

Laura raised an eyebrow at her. “Wasn't so bad, huh? You sure know how to charm a girl.” 

Carmilla's grin grew wider at the teasing tone in Laura's voice. ”I mean,"  she moved slightly closer to Laura, "I guess I wouldn't mind doing that again."

Laura smiled at her "Me neither".

They stood in silence for a moment, just looking at each other.

“Now get home before you’ll freeze your ass off, Romeo.” Laura said and rubbed her hands against Carmilla’s arms. It wasn’t holding hands or a kiss, but it was at least something.

Carmilla laughed. “Damn, I walked you all the way here and you're not even going to invite me in?”

Laura's quickly shot her head up to look at Carmilla. Panic was written all over her face. "I- what? You wa- did you-" she completely lost her ability to speak and was kinda looking like she was about to have an aneurysm.

"Cupcake, cupcake! I'm just joking with you, " Carmilla gripped Laura's shoulders gently, "breathe."

"You asshole!" Laura gave the other girl a light punch on her shoulder.

Carmilla grinned widely at her. "I guess I deserved that." Laura didn't answer, she just narrowed her eyes slightly and furrowed her brows, but obviously still in on the whole joke thing.

"And it was totally worth the punch, because the bunched up face you're making right now is hilarious, buttercup." Carmilla then added.

"Oh fuck off," Laura said with a chuckle and gave Carmilla another nudge. Carmilla laughed again.

"Yeah, I should actually do that. It is actually really cold."

“I told you so! You should’ve listened to me,” Laura commented and gave her a mocking smile.

“Nah, I still think it was worth it.” Carmilla said and slightly bumped Laura in the side with her elbow.

Laura smiled at her and Carmilla smiled back. “Goodnight, cupcake.”

"Goodnight Carmilla." Laura stood up on her toes and gave Carmilla a quick peck on her cold cheek, before she opened the door and walked inside.

Carmilla turned to look after her through the glass door as she walked up the stairs and disappeard, her hand placed on her cheek. She could still feel Laura’s warm lips burn against her cold skin and her heart had started to beat like the hoofs of a galloping horse.

If this was how she felt after just a small peck on the cheek from Laura, she couldn’t even being to imagine how it would feel to actually kiss her lips.

_It’ll without doubt feel amazing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might've noticed that Carmilla kinda talks and argues with herself in her head. An explanation to why she does will come in time!


	3. Doubts and The Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is having doubts, Laura is being a tiny ball of rage and something unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Almost a month had passed since Carmilla and Laura first met and during that time, they had seen each other at the café almost every day and casually hung out - like friends do.  _Like friends do._

They had gone to a few more dates, if they could even be called that anymore. When they had, they had gone to other places than the café; Carmilla had even once taken Laura to the library where she worked.

It had actually been - much to Carmilla’s surprise - Laura’s idea and she had literally insisted that Carmilla would take her there. Carmilla had been worried that it would be a boring place to hang out, because Laura didn’t really share her enthusiasm for books and that was literally everything a library could offer - books. But Laura had just chuckled at her as she shook her head.

 _"I'll have a good time no matter where I am if you're there with me,"_ _she smiled. Carmilla smiled back._

And that was true, Laura actually seemed like she had had a really good time despite the fact that Carmilla had shown her and rambled on about what felt like every book that existed in the library. But what Carmilla didn't know was that Laura could listen to her talk about books forever. She had never seen anything so beautiful before in her life - the way Carmilla's face lit up and that little smile that tugged in the corner of her lips as she spoke. It was an absolutely mesmerizing sight.

And Carmilla, she had never felt so comfortable to show this side of herself before.

Though, one night, when Carmilla was lying sleepless in her bed, a wave of doubt started to gush over her.

Although they had spent so much time together, nothing more than occasional hand holding and very few kisses on the cheek had happened between them. They hadn’t even hugged more than twice.

Carmilla knew that she wanted more; she had wanted more ever since Laura kissed her on the cheek for the first time when she had walked her home after their first date.

Had they even been dates? Maybe Laura did only see her as a close friend, because friends could hold hands and kiss each other on the cheek if they were close, right?

She knew she was only deceiving herself when thinking that they were only friends. They had been flirting quite frequently during this month. It had gone to the point where they barely could have a conversation without one of them saying something sweet or flirty to the other one.

Carmilla turned violently to her side. She let out a loud sigh as she hugging one of her many pillows close to her, secretly wishing it was Laura.

Maybe there was something wrong with her? What if she was doing something wrong? She tensend her jaw. 

There must be something wrong with her, of course there was something wrong with her. Carmilla wasn't made to hang around other people for a longer amount of time. She used to avoid socializing like the plague. A lone wolf who growled as soon as someone looked at her.

She didn't know how to do this. She was sure doing something wrong. Something that made Laura not wanting more than what they had. 

Carmilla was confused, really confused. The feeling of that she wanted something more was roughly tugging inside of her, ripping and clawing at her flesh. It was desperately trying to tear down the wall of tough exterior she put up in front of her to keep her emotions from taking too much control. 

She had thought a lot about kissing Laura, but in the back of her mind she was afraid that Laura only saw her as a friend - despite them obviously not being only that. There was this little maybe. Maybe Laura just simply didn’t want to take a step further and Carmilla would end up getting hurt.

That small stream of doubt was enough for her callus walls to stand tall. She stood no chance.

Another sigh and turn.

It took her hours to finally fall asleep that night.

* * *

 

The next day, Carmilla called in sick to work. There were two reasons for her doing so. Firstly, she needed to get her feelings and her head sorted out - have a day off to just lie in bed and relax. Secondly, she didn’t want to see Laura.

No, that was a lie.

Of course she wanted to see Laura, but she simply couldn’t. Not with all the thoughts that had appeared in her mind. She was afraid that she would only make the situation worse by being even more defensive than she was before and now also in doubt.

Carmilla slept in late that day, waking up at 1 p.m. when she usually woke up at 7. It felt great to be able to sleep longer than usually though, because Carmilla was absolutely _not_ a morning person. If people thought she was grumpy during the day, they should see her in the morning - she was like a cat who had been woken up from a very comfortable nap.

Exactly as Carmilla had planned, she spent the whole day in her bed; sipping on tea, eating cookies and reading a book. She even watched some TV, which happened very rarely. She didn’t like the idea of someone else giving her a vision of a story, when she could imagine it herself when reading a book.

She hadn't moved from her bed until later in the evening, when she sat out in the living room to eat her Chinese takeout.

That's when she got a text from Laura.

 **Cupcake (5:14PM):** Where are you? 5 p.m. is the usual time for Fridays, right? _  
_

Carmilla could feel a slight sting of nervousness in her stomach. How was she going to reply? Was she even going to?

She didn’t have the heart not to reply, knowing that a confused and probably sad Laura was sitting down at the café waiting for her. Knowing that Laura had joyfully entered the café as she always does, expecting to see Carmilla sitting by the table in the corner, her smile fading as she realized she wasn’t.

 **You (5:30PM):** I'm working late today. I won't be able to make it, sorry cupcake. _  
_

She had to lie. If she told Laura she had called in sick and that she was at home, she’d probably rush up to her apartment faster than lightning to take care of her.

The thought made Carmilla smile for a second, but it faded slowly as she read the next text from Laura.

 **Cupcake (5:36PM):** You are? That's weird, because when I went past the library before going to the café to surprise you, you weren’t there. So I figured maybe you had left work early and went down to the café, but you obviously aren’t here either.

Carmilla sighed and tried to come up with something to reply to that, but she didn't even have time to finish reading the whole text before Laura sent another one.

 **Cupcake (5:37PM):**  If you don’t feel like hanging out with me you could’ve just said so instead of lying to me, Carm.

Carmilla’s heart sank so low, it felt like it was lying at the bottom of her stomach. She had no idea on how to reply to that. Laura knew she wasn’t telling the truth, so there was no use trying to tell more lies. Fuck.

After a long while of just staring at her phone, she ended up tossing it beside her on the couch in frustration, without sending a reply to Laura at all. Then she stuffed her mouth full of food - trying to suffocate and comfort the aching she felt spreading in her whole body.

_Well, you fucked up now._

**Shut up, you weren’t really helping me, so just shut up.**

_She wanted to see you, so what the hell are you doing?_

**I’m doing what is best; I was bound to ruin things sooner or later anyways.**

_Dear God, you’re one sad little thing, aren’t you? Stop feeling so sorry for yourself!_

**I’m not feeling sorry for myself, go away!**

_Sure you are! And I can’t exactly go away, I am you and I’m in your head, remember?_

**Whatever.**

_You better fix this mess before it becomes even messier. You like this girl, so get your sorry ass off the couch, get dressed and walk down to that stupid café before I kick your ass._

**You can’t, you’re in my head, remember?**

_Don’t be cocky, get up!_

**No, I won’t!**

_Alright, suit yourself._

* * *

 

The weekend passed and Carmilla was indeed feeling sorry for herself. She had spent her days in bed, constantly eating on something that would probably give her heart disease if she didn’t stop. She also hadn’t showered since Thursday. Her dark brown curls were a bigger mess than usual and she probably smelled like a junkyard.

God, she must’ve been a pathetic sight.

Laura had called her at least twenty times during both Friday and Saturday - Carmilla had ignored every one of them. On Sunday morning she had sent a text a text instead, seeming to be her final attempt at trying to contact Carmilla. The text had said something in the style of _“Why the hell aren’t you picking up?! You know what, fine, don’t talk to me then. Nice knowing you.”_

A strong feeling of guilt had knocked over Carmilla as soon as she read that text. It was still there when she woke up later on the day. She groaned as she turned around under her covers and hugged the pillow she always wished was Laura closer to her.

A bit over a month had passed. One stupid month was all she needed to screw everything up. She was a lost cause; hopeless and bound to live alone forever, because that's all she knew - being alone.

She turned over to her back and stared up the ceiling as her thoughts flew rapidly and violently through her mind. Everything was ruined. Laura probably hated her, and she for sure hated herself. She deserved it.

Carmilla was just about to drift back to sleep when she suddenly shot her eyes open in realization.

Carmilla had been strongly convinced for days that if she kept seeing Laura she would ruin things. That if she kept seeing her, she would do something wrong or say something wrong - or she was already doing that without knowing it. But it was not until now that things actually got screwed up. It was by doing the exact opposite of seeing Laura that she was ruining things. Carmilla had taken distance from Laura. Laura was being mad at her for not being with her. 

_Are you seriously only realizing this now? She wants to be with you numb-nuts!_

**Not anymore though, she made that very clear in her text.**

_For fucks sake, you’re being ridiculous._

**Maybe I am...**

_Yes, exactly. Okay, look at the clock._

Carmilla turned her head and looked at the digital alarm clock, which was standing on a nightstand beside her bed. It was 11:20 p.m.

_Laura is at work, probably about to have her lunch break right now. So, get your sorry ass up and take a shower - because you fucking stink - and then head over there. Get this girl back, because I swear to you, if you let her slip through your fingers, that’ll be the worst you'll ever make._

Carmilla took a deep breath, considering the idea of heading to Laura’s workplace and - at least somewhat - confess how she felt to Laura. Would she really dare to?

Oh, screw it! She threw the covers to the side and rushed to the bathroom. She was going to get Laura back and it was now or never.

* * *

 

One hour later, Carmilla (quite literally) stormed into the head office of the newspaper. The door flung open and there she stood, palm still pressed firmly against it. Her hair was a tangled mess, her eyes wide and her breathing heavy from almost running all the way there.

(Okay, not almost, she had been running, fast, very fast).

And as a big sour cherry on top of it all, it had been raining as well. She almost looked like a cat who had accidentally tripped into a bathtub full of water and then flown up in pure panic.

People immediately went silent, stopped whatever they were doing and turned their heads to stare at Carmilla.

Her entrance had maybe been a bit overdramatic and could’ve been a bit ( _a lot_ ) more discreet, but the adrenaline was rushing violently through Carmilla’s veins and she couldn’t calm herself down. And she couldn't care less in this moment.

She was really doing this, right now, and there was no turning back.

“I’m looking for Laura, ehm -" she took a much needed breath - "I don’t know her last name so I’m hoping there’s only one Laura working here.” Carmilla slurred out. The older woman who sat in the reception area just raised her eyebrow and looked at Carmilla with an undismayed stare.

“Next time I’d appreciate a less dramatic entrance, miss…?” The woman said in an low and slow voice.

“Karnstein.”

“Miss Karnstein." The woman eyed her up and down a couple of times before turning her head back to her computerscreen, "down the corridor, fifth door to the left.”

“Thank you,” Carmilla said and tried to walk down the corridor as calmly as possible, to not draw any more attention to herself.

When she came down to the doorway of Laura’s office she took a long and deep breath before knocking a bit on the already open door.

Laura was sitting by her desk eating her lunch, her face hidden by a large computer screen. When she heard the noise, she looked up over the screen, chewing on her veggie burger.

“Hey," Carmilla said under her breath. "Can I come in?” Carmilla watched as Laura’s expression went from surprised to a frown.

“What are you doing here, Carmilla?” She asked after she swallowed her food.

“I came here to talk with you.” Carmilla stepped inside the office and closed the door behind her without Laura’s permission to do so. She needed to do this before she would chicken out.

“Oh, really?” Laura said and raised her eyebrows in a mix of sarcasm and shock, “from what I have understood you didn’t want to talk with me four days ago and no other day for that matter." She paused. "Until right now that is, so how come?”

Laura crossed her arms over her chest as Carmilla slowly made her way closer to the desk, until she was standing beside it.

“I-I’m sorry for that, it’s just-” she sighed. She went down here on pure adrenaline, without any plan or clue of what she was actually supposed to say. How would she explain this without it sounding absolutely ridiculous?

Laura turned to face Carmilla, still seated in her chair. “It’s just what, Carmilla? You didn’t answer my texts and didn’t talk to me for four days. It happened just like that, completely out of the blue, goodbye Laura. I can’t see how you can have any reasonable explanation for that!”

“I really am sorry Laura, and I do have an explanation.” No, not really.

“Oh, I’m looking forward to this," Laura scoffed. "Do you have any idea of how I’ve felt during these days? I’ve never felt so unwanted before in my life!” Laura said and turned a bit so she wouldn’t have to look at Carmilla, tears starting to burn under her eyelids.

“Unwanted? Laura, you’re not unwanted. I just- It’s hard to explain. I don’t even know where to begin.” Carmilla dropped her head in defeat and guilt. She still had no idea how to approach this. What should she say? What should she leave out?

They both became silent for a moment. Laura was doing her best to keep her sobs quiet and Carmilla was fighting to find words.

“I think you should leave.”  Laura finally sad in a quiet voice. She rose from her chair and faced Carmilla, but still not looking at her.

“What, no! I haven’t even gotten a chance to explain. Laura, please,” Carmilla took a step forward, pleading Laura to not kick her out from the office.

“You haven’t explained anything so far! So, if you don’t have anything to come with, then I suggest you leave now.” Laura wrapped her arms around herself and turned a bit to the side, as if she was trying to keep herself from falling apart.

“Laura…”

“Leave!” Laura snapped and quickly turned her head towards Carmilla. Laura stared at her, as if her next move was going to stab Carmilla with one of the pencils that were lying on her desk.

Carmilla didn’t feel threatened though. She refused to leave, not when she had managed to convince herself to get up and face Laura. Face her own feelings. She would probably never be able to convince herself to do that again if she left. This was a now or never moment.

"No, I can't leave." She took a large stepped forward, closing the gap between them by a lot.

“Laura, I can’t leave, because if I do-” Carmilla reached out to place her hands on the side of Laura’s arms, turning Laura to face her again. Much to Carmilla’s surprise, Laura didn’t fight against it. She even allowed Carmilla to gently wipe away a tear that had escaped her eye and was slowly rolled down her cheek.

“Then what?” Laura said sharply, still looking like she was going to stab her.

“Then I wouldn’t be able to do this.” Carmilla said and moved one of her hands to place it at the back of Laura’s head. She then started to lean in, her eyes half closed, but locked on Laura’s lips.

The sound of her own heart beating violently against her chest was loud in Laura’s ears as she suddenly could feel Carmilla's warm breath against her skin. They were so close. Within a second, their lips were almost touching. 

Laura was in complete shock. She just stood there, completely frozen and staring wide-eyedly as Carmilla made her way closer and closer to her. It felt like everything went in slow motion, and it was both painful and wonderful at the same time. She had completely forgotten all about the anger, and now there was only one thing on her mind- the intense craving of feeling Carmilla's lips against hers.

Their lips were just about to meet, then there was a loud knock on the door. Carmilla threw herself backwards in shock, right into the table which was standing behind her. She knocked the back of her hand against the hard wood during her uncontrollable movement.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” She exclaimed at the sudden pain and grabbed her hand with her other one.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Did I interrupt something?” An unfamiliar voice came from the doorway.

"Yeah, you fucking interrupted something alright," Carmilla mumbled to herself under gritted teeth as she rubbed her hand. She hadn't even laid eyes on the person yet and she had already decided on _dislike_.

“What do you want, Danny?” Laura said with a sigh and brushed a strand of hair away from her face, sounding a bit more annoyed than she intended. Though, she was annoyed, extremely annoyed.

“Sorry, I just came to drop of some papers. I’m really sorry!” The redheaded and extremely tall girl said, before quickly making her way to the desk. She dropped off a bunch of papers, gave Laura a quick look which Carmilla couldn't really read, then she quickly made her way out again, closing the door behind her.

Laura sighed loudly as she sat down in her chair again, rubbing her temple slowly.

It became quiet - painfully quiet - for what seemed like forever.

“And that was?” Carmilla finally said and stood up straight from leaning against the table.

“That was inconvenient and very annoying," Laura answered before looking up at Carmilla. "How's your hand?” A small apologetic smile formed in the corner of her lips.

Carmilla felt great relief spread through her body when she saw Laura smiling at her. Even if it was just a tiny one.

“I’ve had worse.” She joked and took some steps closer to Laura, who stood up from the chair as she did.

As soon as Carmilla had closed the gap between them for the second time, she took both of Laura’s hands in hers, earning a slightly bigger smile from the other girl.

“Laura, look," she begun, "I'm really sorry, please don't hate me. It's just-" she paused for a moment to study Laura's face - "I’m just not really good at this whole interacting with other people thing, and especially not in this way." She glanced down at their hands and sighed. Now or never.

"I really, really like you Laura, more than I’ve ever liked anyone before," she looked up at Laura again, "because of my growing feelings for you I kind of panicked and pushed you away. I overthought and was scared I would screw things up, which I ended up doing anyway. I didn't mean to hurt you, I would never.” Carmilla confessed, looking down at their hands again.

Laura chewed on her lip slightly, processing everything Carmilla just said. “I might’ve gone a bit overboard, but I could never hate you, Carm.”

Carmilla couldn't help but smile and glanced up at Laura. “Really?”

“Yes, really." Laura squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Just, don’t disappear like that again,” Laura reached up to cup Carmilla’s chin. Carmilla slightly leaned to the touch. “And I really like you too, a lot.”

Laura smiled warmly and so did Carmilla, feeling that incredible happiness she had missed so much rush through her body again.

“Now, would you like to share the rest of my lunch with me?” Laura asked and smiled, before turning to grab a French fry. When she turned back, she held it up in front of Carmilla’s mouth.

“I’d love to.” Carmilla smirked, before she opened her mouth allowing Laura to place the fry in it, her fingers slightly brushing against Carmilla’s lower lip as she did.

One month ago, Carmilla would’ve gagged at the sight of a two persons feeding each other food. Now, when Laura did it, she found it incredibly sweet and she would allow it at any time. Maybe even in public.

_Well, that went pretty well, despite a certain tall redhead._

**She doesn’t hate me at least.**

_And there will come more opportunities to kiss her._

**There will.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! I got you there ;)


	4. These Four Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura is staying over for the first time. Carmilla has a nightmare. Not fully a background story, but it will hopefully give you an insight on her past. All this, along with some more explanation to Carmilla’s acting in the previous chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little warning: This chapter is dark and angsty, it also contains violence and panic attacks. If that’s not something you’d like to read, I suggest you don’t read this chapter.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

_Dun. Dun. Dun._

_The sound of her heartbeat was violently pounding in her ears. It was all she could hear._

_She tried to run as the dark shadow came closer to her._

_She tried to run, but kept stumbling on her own feet. No matter how hard she tried, she was stuck on the same spot - not getting anywhere._

_The darkness was creeping closer for every second. A scream escaped her throat as it swallowed her whole._

_“No, please, not the coffin. I beg you!” She cried. Then, there was a moment of complete silence._

_The darkness disappeared and she was surrounded by four walls. They were moving closer._

_“Not the coffin. Not the coffin,” she repeated over and over again between her sobs._

_She was lying down in a fetal position; arms clung tightly around her own legs as she swiftly rocked herself backwards and forwards. Her back and knees knocking into hard wood as she did._

_The air became thicker and harder to breathe with each second that passed._

_Darkness was slowly consuming her again, taking over each part of her body. She couldn’t breathe and when she tried to scream, there was not a single sound coming out of her wide open mouth._

_They were laughing at her; the wooden walls, the shadows and the crows - dark as night. They were all laughing at her, before they melted together and became one. An enormous shadow now leaning over her, letting out a loud and wicked shriek._

_“You foolish, useless, pathetic little girl!” The shadow grinned widely before it started laughing._

_Then the ground suddenly disappeared under her and she started to fall, deeper and deeper into the darkness before striking the ground._ _There was a flash of light, forcing her to shut her eyes tightly._

_An insufferable pain radiated through her back as she tried to push herself up. One more flash of light, followed by a strike against her cheek. She fell violently back to the cold ground. She was crying uncontrollably, begging for it to stop._

_But it didn’t. Strike after strike pushed more and more air out of her lungs. Then the last strike came, with a force so great that made her roll over on to her back._

_She could hear the shadow laughing at her again as it appeared to lean over her weak body. An extremely loud noise started to sough in her ears together with a swelling feeling in hear head; it felt like it was going to explode any second if the pressure wasn't released. Her body was tingling with adrenaline before it was starting to go numb._

_The shadow leaned over her, grinned wickedly before it placed its dark hands on her chest and slowly put all of its weight on her. It was pushing every last drop of air out of her._

_She tried desperately to move, but she was completely paralyzed. The shadow was too heavy, so heavy she stated to slowly sink into the ground._

_Then there was suddenly a light and somewhat familiar voice calling in the distance, “Carm? Carmilla wake up, please, wake up!”. It was barely audible behind the loud soughing and villainous laughter._

_And just as she was about to sink fully into the ground, everything disappeared._

* * *

 

With a high pitched scream, Carmilla opened her eyes and shot up into a sitting position on the bed. A loud gasp escaped her - her lungs desperate for air.

She was still surrounded by the darkness, but this time in her bedroom. She was panting, still feeling like she couldn’t breathe.

Drops of cold sweat were running down her back and her forehead. She closed her eyes and swallowed hardly.

She flinched and almost threw herself of the bed in fear when she suddenly felt a hand touch her shoulder. Memories from the nightmare still fresh in her head - playing over and over again like she was still in it.

“Carm, it’s me. It’s Laura,” that light and familiar voice said. Laura slowly withdrew her hand, because of how Carmilla had reacted to her touch.

Carmilla didn’t react; she could almost not even hear what the girl sitting next to her in the bed said.

It had been Laura’s first time staying overnight at Carmilla's place. Everything was fine, until she had been woken up in the middle of the night to find a screaming and crying Carmilla beside her. She’d been trying to wake Carmilla up for almost ten minutes, before the brunette had shot up in the bed - a look of complete terror on her face.

Laura didn't know what do. She was unsure if trying to touch her again was a good idea, judging by the way Carmilla had flinched.

Then, Carmilla started to cry quietly. She slowly pulled her legs up, placed her arms around them and pressed them tightly against her body. Panic started to welled over her - her breath hitched and picked up in speed between her sobs.

She couldn’t breathe, she needed to stop breathing or the shadow would find her.

“Not the coffin,”  she whispered into her knees. “Please.”

Laura’s heart was breaking at the sight of Carmilla in the state that she was. She needed to do something; she couldn’t just sit there and stare while Carmilla was having a panic attack.

Then she got an idea. Laura moved to turn on the lamp, which was placed on the nightstand beside the bed.

When she turned back, she could see Carmilla glancing up from her knees - an acknowledgement to the sudden light in the room. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

“Carmilla, listen to me.” Carmilla slightly moved her gaze until her eyes were on Laura, but despite that, it looked like she was staring into nothingness.

 “I need you to listen to me carefully,” Laura continued in a soft voice and moved to sit in front of Carmilla.

“Whatever is in your head, whatever happened in that nightmare, it wasn’t real-" she took a breath to maintain her voice steady- "I am real, and I'm here. Nothing is going to hurt you here. Focus on my voice.”

She could see Carmilla slightly loosening her grip around her legs. She was still crying and breathing uncontrollably, but she was gradually finding comfort in the sound of Laura’s soft voice.

“You’re in your bed, and you’re safe. Nothing is going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you, okay? I’m not going to hurt you,” Laura carefully reached out her hand to place it on Carmilla's elbow. She could see Carmilla somewhat tensing at the touch, but when she realized she wasn’t getting hurt, she relaxed again.

“You’re okay, you’re safe,” Laura repeated and gently moved her hand up to Carmilla's shoulder. “Now, I need you to look at me, sweetheart.”

After some hesitation, Carmilla's red, tear-filled eyes met Laura’s gentle honey brown ones. Laura smiled slightly. “You’re doing well; just keep your eyes on me." Laura gave her a small smile her.

"Now, we’re both taking a deep breath together, can you do that?” Carmilla gave her a vague nod.

“Good. Now, breathe in…” Laura took a deep breath, Carmilla tried to do the same, but she didn't have enough control to be able to do it properly - her breath shaking and hitching as she tried.

“One, two, three, four.” Laura counted before she stopped taking in air and held her breath. She counted to four again and then let the air out of her lungs. Carmilla did the same as Laura counted to four again while they were breathing out.

“Hold. One, two, three, four. And deep breath again. One, two, three four.”

Carmilla could feel her heart rate drop as they repeated the breathing pattern, over and over again. Her breathing became steadier for each time they repeated it.

In just a bit over two minutes of repeating the pattern, Carmilla had regained enough control over her body again; she even managed to form the corner of her lip into a smile. When she felt like she was able to breathe fairly normal again, she also let go of her legs.

“There you go, you’re okay.” Laura said in a warm voice and tucked brown curls behind Carmilla's ear.

Carmilla let out one last long breath and then she slowly moved to curl up against Laura’s warm body. Laura smiled, wrapped her arms around Carmilla and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

Carmilla lied with her head against Laura’s chest - the sound of her heartbeat incredibly soothing - feeling herself completely calm down.

“How did you manage to do that?” Carmilla said in a husky voice after a while of silence.

“It’s called square breathing," Laura placed her cheek on top of Carmilla's head, "my dad taught me how to do it, in case I ever find myself in an emergency situation or if I’m having a panic attack. It helps you to either not start panicking or calm down if you are panicking.”

Carmilla nodded and whispered a thank you into Laura’s chest, trying to memorize the breathing pattern in her head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Laura asked a bit hesitantly.

Carmilla chewed on her lip. She didn’t really feel like talking about it, even though she knew it would be helpful. It was just that she didn’t want to put all of her issues and her heavy load on Laura. Carmilla knew why she was having nightmares; she had been having them since she was young. They had changed a bit throughout the years, but they were always consisting of the same things, just in different patterns and orders.

She knew exactly what caused her nightmares and she couldn't put all of that on Laura. She couldn’t do that to her. And she didn’t want Laura to start treating her differently because of it. She didn’t want to seem as fragile and weak as she felt deep down.

Because the truth was, Carmilla wasn’t that strong at all.

She hid herself behind a tough exterior; the snarky comments, the sarcasm, the excessive confidence and the way she seemed untouched by everything - it was her amour. She shut everyone out, pushed her feelings deep down and pretended like she didn't care about anything or anyone. In that way, no one would care about her either and for as long as she could remember, that was exactly what she had wanted.

To be left alone.

Letting someone in would mean she would become vulnerable - it would be like plucking off her amour piece by piece, exposing herself and begging for someone to stab her.

When no one knew her or acknowledged her, she wouldn’t be forced to open up to them. And knowing everything she had been through, it would be too much for anyone to bear and they would end up leaving her. Or worse, pity her.

It had happened before and she wasn't going to be stupid enough to let anyone in again - she wouldn’t be able to take the heartbreak from the stab.

That is what she thought at least. But then Laura had crashed into her life two months ago.

Everything that Carmilla had build up to protect herself - all of her defenses and amour - started to slowly rust and wither away.

She wanted to be near Laura, talk with her, laugh with her, compliment her, be complimented by her and be around her every second. She wanted to feel her - like she was doing right now when she was in her arms - their bodies close together. Feel her scent, hear her soft voice and watch her smile that stupid smile which made her shine brighter than the sun.

The affect Laura had on her, it was terrifying and exiting at the same time. Alluringly dangerous like the light from an Anglar fish - you know you will probably end up getting hurt, but you just can't stop going towards it. 

It was different, inviting, overwhelming, consuming and it was unstoppable.

For the first time in her life, the sturdy walls that Carmilla had built up around her were slowly starting to fall down. Brick by brick they were plucked down by Laura. It scared her to death, but at the same time it also felt incredibly good.

For the first time in her life, the light of happiness seeped through the walls and she didn’t want to push Laura away; she wanted to pull her closer.

It would take some time before she would be fully ready to completely let her walls go down though. She wasn’t ready at all to share why she was having nightmares, nor that it was about her past to Laura. Carmilla wasn't only afraid she would get hurt, but she was also afraid of putting too much on Laura’s back - things she shouldn’t even have to carry.

But despite that, Carmilla had never before felt okay with the fact that her walls were being brought down, and as long as it was happening as slowly as it was - she’d stay feeling okay with it.

“Not really, some other time maybe,” she answered. She felt how Laura moved under her, before she placed her hand on her head.

Laura started to slowly caress her brown curls, which comforted her even more.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to. Maybe you should try to get some more sleep?” Carmilla hummed in agreement and she realized how exhausted she actually felt.

“I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere.” Laura said gently and dragged the cover further up over Carmilla’s body.

“Thank you,” Carmilla mumbled into her chest.

Laura smiled and moved so that she was lying on her side; Carmilla still curled up against her, Laura's right arm tucked under her head. Laura placed her left arm over Carmilla’s waist and started to slowly move her hand in slow circular movements over the brunette’s back.

“I’ve got you sweetheart, sleep tight.” A kiss was planted onto the forehead of an already sleeping Carmilla.

Carmilla had no more nightmares that night and she had never slept so peacefully in her life. She had never felt as safe before as she did right there in Laura’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of the nightmare was inspired by nightmares I've actually had myself. The ending part of Carmilla's nightmare it the closest to my own though, which I have because I suffer from sleep paralysis. I really hope none of you have experienced sleep paralysis, because it's not a pleasant thing to go though, especially not when it happens regularly!


	5. Kitchen Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually, Carmilla is the one who’s in charge of the cooking, whenever they aren’t eating at a restaurant or ordering take out that is. But one day, Laura insists that she will be cooking dinner for the two of them. How will it turn out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I'd like to warn you all for an explosion of fluff and gross sweetness, so buckle up for that everybody!
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Ever since their argument that took place at Laura’s work two months ago, Carmilla and Laura were getting closer and closer to each other for each passing day.

They had become much more sure when it came to showing affection to one another, now when they knew their feelings were mutual.

They were hugging and holding each other whenever they got the chance to; cuddling up to each other and caressed each other’s hair or chin.

Or Laura’s favorite, planting small kisses anywhere she could on Carmilla, which she had started to do more and more since the nightmare. It could be on top of Carmilla’s head, her forehead, her cheek, her hand or arm. Basically anywhere, and it made butterflies twirl through Carmilla’s stomach every time.

There had been no kiss yet though, but Carmilla wasn’t worried about that anymore. She knew that they both wanted it and it would happen when the time was right. She didn’t need to kiss Laura to know that there was something special between them - to know that Laura was special to her.

A welcoming feeling of that Laura was for sure going to change her life for the better had sparked inside of Carmilla that night when Laura had comforted her she had gotten her nightmare. No one had ever been so gentle and caring towards her before, and no one had ever made Carmilla feel so safe.

Usually she would immediately back away at the thought of someone touching her or holding her - especially to comfort her, because she thought it would make her weak. And she also really didn’t like other people touching her without her permission.

But things were so different with Laura. Carmilla couldn’t really find words for the feeling, because it was something that words just weren’t able to fully describe. It was new and scary, but breathtaking and right in every single way.

* * *

 

They still visited the café every day; of course, neither of them wanted to stop going to the place they both shared so much love for. So, just like any other day, the two of them were sitting down at the table in the corner of the café, talking and sipping on coffee.

Carmilla usually arrived at the café before Laura, so she had some time to read her book before Laura arrived. But if she didn’t, she actually felt like it wasn’t the end of the world.

_Laura over books._

Since their argument, things had become different. Before, they used to meet at the café and hung out until one of them had to leave. Now, it didn’t stop after they’d left the café. Now, they went home to either Carmilla or Laura’s place afterwards. It mostly ended up being Carmilla’s place though, because she lived so much closer.

There had been very few times where they hadn’t gone home to one another after their visit to the café, but there had also been a few times where they had spent the night to make up for it. Or more Laura had spent the night, Carmilla hadn’t stayed overnight at Laura’s place yet.

Anyhow, Laura had noticed that this particular day Carmilla was more grumpy that usual and she barely talked. Not that Carmilla was a big talker; Laura dominated almost all of their conversations, but this was way less talk than usual.

“Is something wrong, Carm?” Laura looked up at the brunette with a concerned facial expression.  Carmilla just mumbled an “I’m fine” and took a deep sip of her coffee.

They might’ve only known each other for little more than two months, but Laura wasn’t stupid nor blind. She shook her head slightly and reached over the table to place her hand over Carmilla’s.

“Carm, I can see that you’re bugged by something, more than usual that is,” she smiled. Carmilla looked down at their hands for a second, before settling her cup on the table.

She then sighed tiredly and looked up at Laura. “I’m sorry cupcake, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood," she sighed again, "I just had a draining day at work. Rude library visitors, loud children and three failed deliveries of books, which resulted to more rude and angry visitors.” She took another deep sip of her coffee, hoping that it would magically cure the headache that had been pounding in her head during the whole day.

Laura squeezed her hand slightly, “I hope it won’t be as bad tomorrow." She smiled. "And don’t you dare worrying about ruining the mood, you never ruin my mood. I want to hear about your day, no matter if it has been good or bad.”

A tiny smile grew in the corner Carmilla’s lips as she glanced up at the girl sitting in front of her. She couldn’t think of what on earth she had done to deserve Laura in her life.

“I have an idea! Take your things, we’re heading to yours.” Laura suddenly said and stood up from her chair, leaving Carmilla looking rather confused.

“C’mon, Carm,” she gestured for Carmilla to rise up from her chair, which she did, still a confused expression painted on her face.

“Oookay,” she said and took Laura’s hand. Just as she did, Laura began dragging her out of the café, leaving their unfinished coffees behind.

* * *

 

“Okay, okay. You sit down and just relax.” Laura basically pushed Carmilla towards the couch and made her sit down by pushing her down by her shoulders. Carmilla was still confused and a bit worried about what this sudden idea of Laura's could turn out to be.

“Let’s make you real comfy,” Laura said, mostly speaking to herself, and dragged one of the black fleece blankets over Carmilla’s legs.

“Laura, are you going to tell me what this is all about?” Carmilla asked and looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. Laura  just smiled a big and bright smile towards her.

“You’ll see soon. I just want you to rest now and try to relax.”

“It’s a bit hard when I have no idea of what you’re going to do.” Carmilla commented, but she didn’t even get half way through her sentence before Laura had practically skipped out into the kitchen.

“Laura?” Carmilla called after her, but now answer.

This girl is going to be the death of me, she thought as Laura came back out into the living room, a lighter in her hand.

“Woah,  okay, hold it right there, Hollis," Carmilla held up her hands in front of her. "Are you planning to set me on fire or something? Because I can tell you this blanket is making me warm enough.” Carmilla said half-jokingly, half not, and pointed at the lighter.

Laura laughed loudly at Carmilla’s reaction to the lighter, “Jesus Carm, I’m going to light some candles, not set you on fire."

Carmilla's eyebrows came together,  “okay then, but please don’t set my house on fire either though.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Laura grinned mischievously while lighting the first candle.

Carmilla opened her mouth to answer, but she actually didn’t really know what to answer; the situation was confusing her. They were kind of joking with each other, but they were also kind of not at the same time.

“I’m just messing with you Carm. Close that mouth, you’ll catch a fly!”

Carmilla shut her mouth closed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Okay, stop being so broody, if you keep that frown you'll get premature wrinkles.” Laura walked over to Carmilla and sat down at the edge of the couch. Her comment only made Carmilla's frown grow deeper. Laura chuckled and leaned to tuck a strand of Carmilla’s dark brown curls behind her ear.

“I figured, you have had a hard day, you’re exhausted. So, I’m going to cook for you,” Laura straightened her back and smiled proudly at her decision.

Carmilla scoffed. “You’re going to cook? Laura Hollis, who lived on nothing but peanut butter and grape soda throughout collage, and who now has her freezer filled with frozen pizza and nothing but juice and eggs in her refrigerator? That Laura is going to cook?”

“Hey, I can cook!” She gently slapped Carmilla on the shoulder. “I should have you know that I do actually happen to cook now then.”

“Oh, really? Do you like, put some extra toppings on your frozen pizza or?” Carmilla grinned mockingly, making an offended gasp escape Laura’s mouth as she rose from the couch.

“Oh you, I’m going to prove you wrong!” She narrowed her eyes and grinned towards a very self-satisfied looking Carmilla.

“As long as you don’t burn down my kitchen, go ahead,” Carmilla gestured towards the kitchen with her hand.

“Oh, game on.” Laura's grin grew wider as she turned and walked out into the kitchen and closed the door behind her.

Carmilla chuckled and lied back on the couch. Soon her eyelids become heavier and heavier.

* * *

 

Carmilla slowly opened her eyes, realizing she must’ve fallen asleep almost as soon as Laura had left the living room. The lamps in the living room had been turned off, leaving the flickering glow from the candles Laura had lit earlier as the only source of light.

She hummed quietly and smiled at the thought of Laura. It had been so sweet of her, wanting to take care of Carmilla as soon as she had told about her shitty day at work. No one had ever put so much genuine effort into making sure Carmilla was feeling alright  before. She used to think people were only nice and cared for you when they wanted something from you - to take advantage of you. That was Carmilla's experience with kindness at least.

And that was probably still true when it came to most people. But not Laura.

Laura was different; authentic and her actions heartfelt. And Laura was all Carmilla had caught herself thinking about lately. Everything had just become... Laura.

Carmilla let out a content sigh. The dim light from the candles was very soothing and she felt herself drift back to sleep.

But wait, what was that smell? Carmilla's eyes shot open. She expected to feel the smell of food by now, but that was definitely not food, or at least not food that had been cooked in the right way.

In two seconds, Carmilla had completely forgotten everything about sleep, thrown herself off the couch and quickly stumbled out into the kitchen. Her eyes widened to the size of ping-pong balls when she had opened the door.

Where the hell had her kitchen gone? It had been replaced by a complete disaster.

“Laura, what the hell happened here?” She asked and looked over to the other girl, who was covered in sweat, food stains and panic written all over her face.

“Carm! Shit, I-I…” Laura looked anywhere but directly at Carmilla, feeling incredibly ashamed and guilty when she realized that the kitchen looked like a war zone.

“I’m so sorry, Carm! I was going to make some garlic bread, and then I cut some vegetables while they were in the oven and I accidentally cut myself with the knife and had to patch that up and then the bread got burned and when I was taking them out of the oven I burned myself and dropped them all over the floor and In all that mess, I totally forgot about the pasta and it got overcooked and it's now stuck at the bottom of the pot and…"

Carmilla held up a hand to stop Laura’s intense rambling.

“Cupcake, it’s okay,” she said softly and moved closer to a still panicking Laura, who hadn't heard her at all.

“And I was going to clean it all up before you woke up and try over again, but I just managed to make a bigger mess of it all…”

Carmilla didn’t say anything, she just walked all the way up so that she was standing right in front of Laura, who was still going on with her endless explanation. Carmilla shook her head and placed an arm around Laura’s waist and pulled her slightly closer to her. Laura was still completely oblivious to what was happening.

“I didn’t know how to use your dishwasher so I tried to wash it all by hand and there were water everywhere and fucking breadcrumbs all over the floor and I started panicking and…”

Laura was suddenly cut off mid sentence by Carmilla, who had quickly - but gently - leaned in to capture Laura’s lips in a sturdy kiss.

Well, she hadn’t seen that coming at all.

Laura was completely taken off guard and she just stood there, frozen and completely unable to move. She hadn’t realized Carmilla had moved closer to her and she hadn’t seen the look in Carmilla’s eyes or that they had been locked on her lips as she had been going on about the stupid food.

Carmilla leaned back slightly, looking at Laura who was still standing with her eyes closed. A crooked smile formed on her lips at the adorable girl standing in front of her. Laura slowly opened her eyes and not until she saw the grin on Carmilla's face did her brain register what had actually happened.

She shyly smiled up at Carmilla. “You kissed me,” she almost whispered.

“It was the only way I could think of to shut you up.” Carmilla grinned wider and a blush spread rapidly over Laura’s cheeks.

They locked eyes, both not being able to stop smiling.

After some seconds of getting to process what had happened, Laura stood up on her toes slightly and with a light giggle their lips came together once again. And this time, she was able to actually kiss Carmilla back.

Their lips danced gracefully together, as if they didn’t know how to do anything else. Hearts were racing and an incredible wave of warm electricity started to spread through their bodies.

They were actually kissing.

Carmilla took in a deep breath of Laura’s scent through her nose. Her skin smelt amazing - sweet and slightly of cinnamon. It made Carmilla feel lightheaded and she became instantly addicted to it.

At one point, Laura had moved one of her hands to the side of Carmilla’s head and intertwined her fingers in the dark brown curls. Carmilla had placed her other arm around Laura’s waist, pulling her even closer to her, making their bodies press together.

When they parted, they were both panting. They stood with their foreheads resting against each other’s for a while, needing to catch their breaths.

“Wow…” Laura breathed.

“Yeah.” Carmilla moved her hand to cup Laura’s warm cheek, making the other girl glance up at her with a little smile.

“I am still really sorry about the mess I made in your kitchen,” Laura said and bit her lip.

Carmilla just shook her head and smiled. "Screw my stupid kitchen,” she kissed Laura again - mostly to prevent her from getting on another train of explanations - but also because she was finally able to. She was finally able to do what she had craved for so long.

Laura smiled into the kiss, gasping quietly when she felt Carmilla’s tongue brush slightly against her lower lip. She answered by doing the same and then they did it at the same time, the tips of their tongues brushing against each other. Carmilla then let her tongue slide into Laura’s mouth, earning a light moan from her as she did.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Carmilla said breathlessly when they parted again.

Laura smiled at her, before she wrapped her arms around the brunette’s neck and leaned in to place her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla tightened her hold around her waist slightly, wanting to have Laura as close as possible to her.

“I think I have a clue,” she whispered into Carmilla’s hair.

And then they stood like that for a while. Eyes closed, just enjoying the feeling of having the other one close, being able to take in each other’s scent and warmth. Placing this moment on a very special place in their memories.

“What are we going to do about your kitchen?” Laura asked into Carmilla’s neck after a while.

“Don’t worry about it, cupcake. I’ll handle it later, because right now I’m starving! What do you think about Chinese?” Carmilla placed a kiss on Laura’s cheek before moving back so she could look at her.

“Sounds perfect.” Laura gave Carmilla a quick peck, though she still couldn’t believe she was finally able to do so.

“Good, I’ll go order it right away,” with a smile, Carmilla let go of Laura and walked out into the living room.

Laura watched Carmilla as she left the kitchen and she swore, Carmilla had been swaying her hips a bit more than usual as she walked. She bit her lip at the sight.

When Carmilla was completely out of the kitchen, Laura couldn’t keep herself from squealing out of happiness and making a little happy dance.

“Are you coming, creampuff?” Carmilla called from the living room, fully aware of the cuteness happening back in the kitchen.

Laura stopped and took a deep breath to calm herself down a bit. “Coming!”

Carmilla was sitting on the couch ready to order when Laura sat down beside her with a little sigh. She looked up at Carmilla with a smile, before moving closer to her and placing her head on the brunette’s shoulder.

Carmilla lifted her arm to place it around Laura, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.

_You did it!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laura is such an adorable little cinnamon roll in this chapter and I enjoyed writing this it very much!


	6. Every Scar One Day Will Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla keeps having her nightmares and Laura’s concern is growing bigger. Carmilla dares to open up and she realizes something about Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, some more of Carmilla’s background! Which means that it will be dark and angsty, but also beautiful. Yes, I'd say this chapter is beautiful, you'll see what I mean when you get to the end of the chapter.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Some nights were worse than others, but it was always there - the shadow, the falling and the pain. It haunted her every nigh night.

Some nights were worse than others and this night - three weeks after Laura’s first experience with Carmilla’s nightmares - was one of the worse ones.

Carmilla screamed as she threw herself back and forth in the bed. Laura sat by her side and tried to wake her up, but it was to no use. Carmilla had completely drowned in the darkness of her nightmare. She was desperately trying to escape, but she couldn’t.

Laura gasped when suddenly, Carmilla threw herself violently to the side and off the bed. It had never been this bad before that she had thrown herself of the bed.

“No, please!” She pleaded and curled up in the corner of the room, crying uncontrollably into her legs.

Laura’s heart was breaking into a thousand pieces at the sight. She wanted so desperately to help, but every time she had asked Carmilla what her nightmares were about or asked her to talk about it, Carmilla had brushed it off.

Once she had even gotten angry with Laura and told her to stop pushing her; told her to leave it alone. It was nothing she wanted nor needed to discuss, it wouldn't make anything better. The nightmares would still be there and it was better if Laura just didn't know at all.

Why couldn’t she see that Laura was only trying to help?

Laura quickly turned on the lights and got down to the floor to sit in front of Carmilla, who was just staring into nothingness.

“Carm? Can you hear me?” She asked in a low voice. Carmilla looked up at her with empty dark eyes.

“You’re having a nightmare, it’s not real, Carm.”

The tears were streaming down Carmilla’s face. Laura was unsure if she was actually listening or not, because it somehow looked like Carmilla was still looking into nothingness ever though her eyes were looking straight at Laura.

“Not the coffin…” Carmilla whimpered quietly.

Laura had really started to wonder what this coffin-thing was all about. Carmilla talked about it every time she had a nightmare.

“There is no coffin, Carm. Nothing is going to hurt you,” she said and reached out for Carmilla's arm, but Carmilla only backed up further into the corner, a flash of fear in her eyes.

“No! Don’t hurt me, I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me!”

“Nothing is going to hurt you, Carm. Listen to me, there’s no coffin. It’s only me, it’s only Laura. You know I’m not going to hurt you.”

There was a change of look in Carmilla's eyes, like she finally was seeing clearly again and not just looking into the void. “Laura?” Carmilla then asked with a weak and raspy voice.

 Laura nodded, “it’s me, sweetheart.”

Carmilla didn’t answer, she just crawled up to Laura and buried her face in her neck, still crying.

“I’ve got you. You’re okay, you're okay,” Laura said and wrapped her arms around the sobbing brunette. Slowly and gently she started rocking her body to the sides for more comfort. A tired, but relieved sigh escaped her lips as she leaned her head on top of Carmilla’s.

* * *

 

Carmilla woke up to the smell of coffee. A smile formed on her lips when she thought about that it was Laura who was out in the kitchen, making coffee for her.

She stretched her body, but stopped mid movement and whimpered at the sudden pain in her side.

Laura entered the room with two mugs of coffee in her hands. A concerned expression grew on her face as she placed them on the nightstand and sat down on the bed.

“How are you feeling?” She asked and caressed Carmilla’s cheek.

“What do you mean?” Carmilla asked and sat up, grimacing a bit at the pain.

“I mean that you threw yourself of the bed when you had one of your nightmares, Carm.” Laura swallowed before moving closer the brunette.

Well, that explains the pain, Carmilla thought.

“We really need to talk about this.” Laura said and took Carmilla’s hand in hers. Carmilla looked up at her, a little glimpse of fear in her eyes, but also annoyance.

“We don’t have to talk about anything,” she mumbled and looked away from Laura.

How was she even going to explain everything to Laura? She didn’t even know where to start. She couldn’t talk about it, it would be too painful. She couldn’t just rip up the wounds she had tried so desperately to stitch up and forget for so many years; she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Carmilla bit the inside of her cheek when she felt Laura move even closer.

“You know it’s because I care about you, I want to help you.”

Carmilla snorted. “I don’t need help, I’m not a freaking child.”

“That’s not what I meant," Laura sighed. "I just… Your nightmares, I feel so helpless. I have no idea of what is going on or what is causing it. And it was really bad this night, Carm. I’m afraid that if it gets worse than that you might get hurt or that I won’t be able to help at all.” Laura looked down into the bed and sighed once more.

Laura just wanted to help because she cared, she truly and sincerely cared and it was still something foreign to Carmilla. And maybe it also fueled the reason why Carmilla didn't want to explain. She felt like she might be taking advantage of the fact that Laura cared so much if she told her. Make Laura carry a way too heavy load just because she had a good heart.

No, Carmilla had carried it and dealt with it by herself for years. And she was capebal of continuing to do so.

Carmilla looked back at Laura, feeling a sting of guilt in her stomach when she saw the sad look on the other girl's face.

“You do help,” Carmilla reached to cup Laura’s cheek.

If Laura only knew how much she helped - even if she didn't know the full story. Carmilla had suffered through her nightmares alone since she was young, and Laura hadn’t hesitated for a second to help her that first night she had slept over. Ever since she met Laura, her sleepless nights had become fewer and fewer.

“I’m just afraid and I don’t understand. I care so much about you, it breaks my heart to see you so scared out of your mind, screaming, throwing yourself off the freaking bed and I have no idea what’s going on.” Laura placed her hand on the one Carmilla had placed on her cheek.

Carmilla knew she needed to tell Laura what was going on eventually, but it was just too hard.

The memories she carried were unbearably painful and she had tried so hard to bury them deep - she fought against them every day.

She was also afraid of how Laura would react. Carmilla had tried to tell her closest friend many years ago, but she had barely gotten through her first sentence of explaining before her friend had stood up, told her she couldn't deal with all of that and left. That had been the last time she had seen her. Ever since then, Carmilla had sworn she would never tell anyone about it.

She knew that Laura was different, but she couldn’t help the little voice inside her that said that anyone - even Laura - was capable of doing the same.

But there was more to it. Now, if Laura would stay even if it would be a lot to handle, Carmilla was afraid it would ruin Laura - just like it had been ruining her for so many years. She was afraid that her darkness would put out the light that Laura was, because she really was an endless source of ecstatic light. And Carmilla’s past was definitely going to put a shadow over that.

There were so many things that made it incredibly hard for Carmilla to tell Laura, but she knew that no matter how hard or painful it would turn out to be, if she was going to have a chance at a life with Laura, she needed to tell her. She couldn’t keep it a secret forever - maybe not even passed this day - and it was honestly scaring the shit out of her.

She needed to make a decision- tell or not tell. No matter what she would choose, she would stand at risk of losing Laura either way. It was just the matter of ripping off the bandage quickly och slowly.

Carmilla took a deep breath.

“The nightmares, I’ve had them for as long as I can remember.” Laura looked up at her, clearly confused. Was Carmilla really about to tell her what was happening?

“It’s incredibly hard for me to talk about and truthfully, I’m scared out of my mind of what it could do to you, Laura. I’m so afraid to lose you, and I’m afraid that you will change around me or that it will just be too much to handle for you,” Carmilla could feel her emotions gush over her and drowning her. Emotions she had been burying for so long begun to biol over the edge in the matter of seconds.

“You won’t lose me, Carm. I’m here to stay and I care so much about you. I’m not going anywhere.” Laura squeezed her hand gently and gave her a little encouraging smile.

Carmilla couldn’t help but giving her a small smile back, before continuing.

“My dreams, there is a reason why I have them. I won’t be able to tell you all about it right away, but I'll try to tell you as much as I can, okay?"

Laura nodded, "I wouldn't want you to push yourself too far, whatever you feel like you can tell me."

Carmilla took another deep breath. Here it goes.

"Okay, so I  can start by saying that my childhood wasn’t the best one, so to speak. I’ve gone through things no child should ever have to experience and…”

Memories from her childhood started to play in her head. She had been a happy child, until they moved. That’s when hell broke loose and ripped away every ounce of her happiness. That's when the shadow that was haunting her sleep had emerged from the darkness that had been taking over her.

 She closed her eyes shut and took a deep breath to keep herself in control.

_It can’t hurt you anymore, it’s the past. You’re fine, you can do this Carmilla._

“The coffin,” she whispered. “The coffin is from my childhood. It was a punishment.” She bit her lip hardly and swallowed to be able to not start crying at the terrifying memories that appeared when she thought about the coffin.

Laura felt a sting in her stomach when she saw Carmilla’s pained face. She didn’t dare to ask how the coffin had been a punishment, afraid that she would push too much, but also afraid of what the answer might be. It was obvious that something really horrible must’ve happened to scar Carmilla like this. 

An _“Oh my god”_ escaped Laura’s lips at the thought of what Carmilla could have gone through.

Carmilla looked up at her. Laura had never seen Carmilla look so broken before. Sure, she had seen her scream and cry, but this was different. She looked defeated.

Laura didn't ask anything. She accepted what she got and instead she moved to wrap her arms around Carmilla, who buried her face into her neck. Hearing the sound of Laura’s heartbeats made her feel somewhat calm again. The sound of the sturdy beating kept her in reality and prevented her to get sucked up by her memories.

She hadn’t told much at all, but Carmilla still felt incredibly relieved that Laura was still there. She hadn’t left, it hadn’t become too much for her to handle. She was there, holding her, giving her comfort. Never in her life had she felt so loved.

Yes, she felt loved.

“You don’t need to talk about it anymore," Laura said and placed a kiss on the side of Carmilla's head, "I can see that it hurts you and I don't want that for you, but thank you. Thank you so much for trying. I understand it must be really hard for you and I’m so proud of you, Carm.” Laura whispered and kissed her head again. She then pulled back and placed her hands on both sides of Carmilla’s face, brushing away a tear that was rolling down Carmilla’s cheek with her thumb.

"And Carm, I'm here to stay, alright?" Laura said and gave Carmilla an assuring look. Carmilla nodded and smiled vaguely.

“Good, now, let’s get you something to eat.” Laura smiled and kissed her before she left the bed and handed Carmilla one of the coffee mugs.

“I’ll make us some pancakes.”

“Just don’t make my kitchen into a mess this time,” Carmilla grinned towards her.

“I won’t. Though if I remember right, you made out with me the last time I did, so, maybe I'm not promising too much,” Laura winked at her and left the room.

Carmilla just grinned down at her coffee, feeling much better than she ever would've imagined she would feel after bringing up her past. It had been hard and painful, but the relief she felt afterwards had been all worth it.

And what the hell she had done right in life to deserve Laura in it.

* * *

 

“There you are! I was starting to suspect you had fallen back asleep or something.” Laura said when Carmilla dragged her feet tiredly into the kitschen, holding her mug of coffee in her hand.

She was wearing nothing but a black, long sleeved button up and a pair of underwear. Laura really had to gather every bit of self-control she had not to stare and focus on her pancake making.

“I might not be a morning person, but how can I stay in bed when I have the most beautiful girl in the world in my kitchen?” Carmilla purred as she moved up behind Laura. She placed the mug on the kitchen counter before she wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist, pulling her slightly backwards.

Laura giggled and leaned her head to the side so Carmilla could place a kiss her cheek.

“And how am I going to focus on not ruining your kitchen when you are doing- Whatever you are doing?” Laura said teasingly and gasped when Carmilla moved her head down to trace kisses down Laura’s neck.

It had been really hard, but somehow Laura managed to keep herself from turning around and throwing herself over Carmilla. She had kept whatever was left of her focus on the pancakes even if Carmilla had been teasing her by kissing and nibbling at her neck.

It had been especially hard when Carmilla had decided to take her earlobe between her teeth and pulled gently. But somehow Laura managed.

However, when the last pancake was flipped onto the plate standing on the counter, Carmilla swiftly turned Laura around and captured her lips in a heated kiss, making Laura moan instantly against her lips. Carmilla grinned victoriously at the sound.

“Woah there, lady killer, the pancakes are going to get cold.” Laura said after she had pulled back from the kiss. Carmilla smirked at her.

“Breakfast now, smooching later,” Laura said brightly and held up the tray of pancakes. Carmilla pouted and let out a small whine at the loss of Laura's lips against hers.

“Oh c’mon, Carm! I worked hard to get these perfect. And now we’re talking a really sexy girl is standing behind you and kissing your neck-hard!”

Carmilla’s pout turned into a very self-satisfied smirk. “Alright then, but later, this sexy girl is getting her smooching,” she grabbed the tray from Laura’s hands and moved over to the kitchen table.

Laura shook her head and smiled down at the floor as she did, before she walked after Carmilla to sit down beside her by the table.

* * *

 

“I must admit, you did a good job with these, cupcake.” Carmilla said before taking another bite of her second pancake.

“I’m the pancake master,” Laura said and smiled that proud smile which Carmilla found way too adorable for this world.

Then there was a moment of silence between them as they ate.

“It was my mother,” Carmilla suddenly said out of nowhere.  She was looking down at the remnants of her pancake, poking it with her fork.

Laura looked up on her questioningly, her mouth stuffed with pancakes.

“My mother could be very controlling. She didn’t like it when things didn’t go her way and she hated it when she couldn’t be in control.” Carmilla looked up at Laura when she had placed her hand on hers.

“I went along with everything she demanded, her rules and also her punishments if I had done something she disliked. I accepted it all, until I got old enough to understand that I was my own person and how wrong it was. I started to refuse to be controlled and…” Carmilla took a deep breath. Even if they had talked about it earlier and it felt somewhat easier to bring up, it was still very painful and it took a lot of her strength to continue.

She did it for Laura. Laura deserved to know who the person sitting beside her was; she deserved a chance to decide if she wanted to stay despite Carmilla’s heavy load of a past or if it was too much for her. Though, how Laura had reacted earlier gave her belief that Laura actually was here to stay. It gave her back a glimpse of her long lost hope.

She hadn’t started to act weirdly or different around Carmilla, she was still the same as before. Carmilla had been terrified that Laura would see her as fragile and that she would become afraid to act like she used to around her.

But telling Laura hadn't made her feel fragile or weak, it made her feel stronger. Laura made her feel strong, because she didn’t acted like Carmilla was suddenly vulnerable and something that should be pitied just because she knew about her past. No, Laura encouraged her, supported her and lifted her up; made her feel like she was actually worth something.

Her darkness hadn't begun taking over Laura’s light or ruining her happiness at all. No, it was the other way around. Laura’s light was slowly killing the darkness inside Carmilla. She felt it.

And all Laura had done in order for that to happen was staying. Something so simple had meant so much.

For a second, Carmilla felt like her past had never happened, like it had never excited. She was just telling Laura a story that she had heard from someone else, a story that didn’t matter anymore.

Carmilla looked up at Laura, a smile slowly forming on her lips. She looked at Laura with pure admiration, wondering how she had even lived before when Laura hadn't been in her life.

In that moment, while she was sitting there just looking at Laura, Carmilla realized she had fallen in love with her. There was no question about it.

“What is that look?” Laura asked and smiled shyly towards her after a while. She was a bit confused over why Carmilla had suddenly stopped talking and was just looking her, looking quite happy actually. Which was weird judging by what she had been talking about.

“You just… You make me feel strong, Laura.” Carmilla said, her eyes still locked on Laura.

“I never imagined that I would ever feel this way. For the first time in my life, my past doesn’t make me feel weak or fragile. I mean, I can still feel the pain and it still frightens me, but I can just feel that it doesn’t affect me the same anymore.”

Laura’s eyes had started to fill with tears. “Really?” She breathed, trying to keep her emotions in control.

“Really.” Carmilla nodded, before she leaned in and placed her lips on Laura’s.

The kiss was slow, soft and very tender. It wasn’t a kiss out of lust, like their previous ones. No, this was a kiss purely out of the love Carmilla had realized she felt for Laura. She kissed her, hoping Laura could taste it on her lips, how much she admired and loved her.

_You are weak though, you are weak for Laura._

**That’s the only weakness I’m ever going to feel.**

_Indeed._


	7. The Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla was fifteen when her sister, Mattie, woke her up in the middle of the night with a risky plan in mind.
> 
> This is the first background chapter which actually takes place back in time. I don’t want to spoil everything of Carmilla’s childhood and past at once, of course, so therefore it will be a bit short. But, I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, this chapter will consist of verbal and physical abuse to a child. If this is not something you’d like to read, I suggest you skip this chapter!
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

“How many times do I have to tell you that you are supposed to charm the customers, not irritate them?” The woman said angrily and clasped her hands together in front of her, her knuckles going white from the tight grip.

They were standing in a large old fashioned room. A  long wooden table surrounded by chairs was set in the middle of it. The walls were covered in tall bookshelves, filled with books, folders and numerous ancient-looking objects

All walls except for one, where long thick curtains red as blood had been dragged in front of two large windows, letting in very little light.

Carmilla knew exactly what was waiting for her.

Her mother had invited her to attend business meetings a couple of times since she had turned fifteen.

 _"It's time you learn how to be a good business woman,"_ was what her mother had told her, but Carmilla had heard something completely else. It was time for her to learn how to manipulate and brain wash people into giving you what you want. Into doing anything for you, even if it meant they'd get destroyed in the process.

She did not want that. She did not want to become like her mother - frigid, manipulative and heartless.

So, instead of listening and learning, Carmilla had chimed in with small, but off putting comments, earning more than a hand full of glares from her mother.

Her head was bent, dark locks falling in front of her face as she was looking down at the old carpet. She knew exactly what was coming for her, because this happened every time.

Her jaws clenched when the first hit from her mother’s palm stroke her cheek. She swallowed down the burning pain spreading on her cheek.

“You think that just because you’ve grown bigger, you would get away with your little acts of disobedience?" Her mother let out a deep chuckle, "foolish little girl.”

The second blow knocked Carmilla to the floor. Her mother chuckled once again at the pathetic sight of her daughter kneeling down on the floor in front of her.

“Get up,” she ordered calmly, but Carmilla stayed on the floor, refusing to obey the orders from her mother.

_Resist it Carmilla, don’t let her win._

**I won’t be able to do it; she’s going to break me again. This was a bad idea.**

She felt two hands grab a hold of her arms and she was violently dragged up from the floor and on her feet.

"You were supposed to be my diamond, my glittering girl - my heir." Her mother started to slowly walk around her as she spoke. "But I was wrong. You are nothing but worthless and a disappointment."

Her mother stopped in front of her again, "do you really believe you can just do whatever you want and then get away with it?" She leaned in closer. "You can't, because you are powerless and you belong to me. You understand?"

Carmilla bit down in her lip hard to prevent the tears which were threatening to fall at second. The verbal abuse was the hardest to resist, because unlike the physical pain which always faded after a while, the mental pain never would.

“I’m sorry, Mother.” Carmilla whimpered in defeat. She really was weak; she never managed to shut out her mother’s harsh words. They always got to her and broke her down until she was defeated.

Her mother snorted and pushed her back. “You will be sorry tomorrow, when we will have a little talk about your insolent behavior. Now, go to your room. I do not want to see your face until I’ll be back for you tomorrow. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Mother.” Carmilla whispered and left to head up to her room with a hand on her cheek.

_Well done! I would clap my hands if I could. Maybe mother is right about you, you are weak._

* * *

The nightmares were haunting Carmilla’s sleep as always, when she suddenly was woken up by a pair of hands pressed against her mouth.

She tried to scream and get away, but there was no use. Her body was already exhausted from fighting off the nightmares and the person holding her down was too strong.

“Carmilla, stay still, it’s me.” A familiar voice hissed at her.

Carmilla stopped squirming and looked up at the person standing beside her bed. The familiar face of her sister was looking down at her.

“Are you calm?” Her sister asked and when Carmilla nodded as an answer she slowly removed her hands from Carmilla’s mouth.

“Mattie, what the hell, are you trying to scare me to death?” She whispered and moved into a sitting position in her bed.

Mattie smiled towards her.“Little sister, we’re not going to live like this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Carmilla asked and raised an eyebrow at Mattie.

“I mean that we are going to leave, run away. You and me, right now.” Mattie placed an empty backpack on Carmilla’s bed. “Pack your things.”

Carmilla stared at her older sister in shock for a good while before reacting. “Are you out of your mind?” She looked down at the backpack.

The thought of leaving was very tempting indeed, but they would never succeed with such a thing. Their mother would find out one way or another and when she did… Carmilla shook her head and dragged her legs up against her body.

“No, we can’t. Mattie, if Mother finds out, she will kill us!”

“That’s the thing, darling, she won’t find out. Do you really want to stay here?” Mattie reached out to carefully caress the bruise on Carmilla’s left cheek. Carmilla knew very well what Mattie had meant by that.

It was no secret to her siblings, how their mother treated Carmilla. How she used Carmilla as a warning for their younger brother Will, who never did anything to displease their mother. He was such a momma’s boy; their mother's little angel.

Carmilla wrinkled her nose at the thought.

“You’ve always been a stubborn one,” Mattie looked at her with soft eyes. "Listen Carmilla, you can't stay here. I’ve planned this for a long time, but I needed to wait until you were old enough to do this. You are now, so let’s go!”

“How are we even going to do this?” Carmilla asked as she started to soften up to the idea of running away. Mattie was right after all, she really couldn't stay here any longer. Her mother was breaking her down piece by piece and soon, there would be nothing left of her.

“I have bus tickets to New York, and it leaves in two hours, so we need to go, now.”

“What? How did you even manage to get them?” Carmilla frowned towards her sister.

“I might have taken some money from Mother earlier today. We should have enough to survive until I can manage to get a job.”

Carmilla gasped, "you stole money from Mother?" Yep, Mother would definitely kill them.

"I borrowed them. Now, let's break you free, you little monster." Mattie poked her on the nose with her finger and started to help Carmilla packing.

* * *

 

“Okay, be very quiet and follow me. Not a sound,” Mattie whispered before she opened the door to Carmilla’s room, sticking her head out to make sure none of their mother’s many servants were nearby.

When she had made sure the coast was clear, she gestured for Carmilla to follow her out of the room.

Carmilla couldn’t believe that she had let Mattie convince her to doing this when she was very sure that this would lead to their deaths. Though the thought of what would happen if they actually made it, it had been enough to light a little spark of hope inside Carmilla.

They slowly tiptoed through the long dark hallway, creeping along the walls. However, the hallways were the easy part; it was the big staircase in the middle of the house that would be the problem. It was old and made out of wood. Walking down it would be hard without making the wood creak.

But Mattie was one step ahead and had already thought about that little problem. So, when they reached the staircase, she jumped up to sit on the railing.

“We’re going to have to slide down. Be careful not to go too fast and make sure to stop completely before stepping off it.” Mattie whispered before slowly sliding down the railing, followed by a very nervous Carmilla.

Carmilla had never slid down the railings before. She had tried once, but when her mother had found out, she had given the little girl an immensely hash punishment, making sure it would never happen again.

Slowly and as steadily as she could manage, she moved down the railing. Though, the brunette was so focused on keeping her balance and not falling backwards, that she didn’t notice that the end of the railing was getting close.

“Carm, look up!” Mattie hissed at her, but it was too late. Carmilla fell flat on the floor with a loud thud. The sound from her fall seemed much louder than it actually was, but it would definitely be enough to attract the attention of a nearby servant.

“Shit,” Carmilla breathed and quickly rose up from the hard floor, groaning and rubbing her sore butt, which had taken the hit from the fall.

“Hello? Who is there?” A voice came from upstairs. One of the servants must’ve heard the sound.

Carmilla and Mattie looked at each other in panic.

“There is only one option now, run!” Mattie said and started running for the front door, Carmilla close behind.

“Stop, stop right there!” The voice called after them.

Carmilla’s heart was beating violently against her chest as she ran as fast as her legs would carry her through the hallways of the gigantic house.

Damn this house for being so big, she thought as they made their way closer and closer to their goal.

She lit up when the large front door finally came into view, the servant still far behind. Maybe they could actually manage to do this, escape and never come back.

The thought of never having to deal with her mother again - never get beaten down and teared apart by her again - made Carmilla grab a steady hold of the straps of the backpack and run even faster, past Mattie and to the front door.

The cool night air and a sky filled with stars welcomed her when she flung the door open and ran outside, Mattie right behind her. They ran for a couple of meters before they stopped and looked at each other for a second, catching their breaths. They smiled at each other and Mattie gave Carmilla a light nudge on her shoulder before they continued their escape.

They ran for as long as their bodies managed before finally slowing down again. They were both breathing heavily, their bodies and lungs exhausted from the long run. Carmilla felt like her legs would give away at any second, but she stubbornly kept walking in a steady pace.

“4 miles to walk, then we will be gone.” Mattie said between taking deep breaths and pointed at a sign beside the rode.

Carmilla couldn’t believe they actually made it, a smile forming on her lips at the thought.

They managed to escape the hellhole they had called their home. They would never have to go back ever again and never again would Carmilla be abused by her mother. No more hits or beatings, no more harsh words - she was finally free.

Mattie reached out to place her arm around Carmilla’s shoulders as they walked down the dark road, heading towards a better life.

_Never again._


	8. Surprise(s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months has passed since their first kiss. Laura is working overtime and Carmilla decides to give her a surprise when she comes over after work. However, some unexpected things happen, none of them a part of Carmilla's surprise.
> 
> I thought that because the story take quite big leaps forward in time between each chapter, it can be hard to figure out where in time we actually are by now, so I can tell you that Carmilla and Laura met in the beginning of October. They shared their first kiss mid November and it's now mid February.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like spoiling things from the chapters too much, but I have to now, because I got a bit carried away while writing this chapter. So, heads up for smut everyone! I wasn’t planning on writing it as detailed as I ended up doing, because this is my first time attempting at writing smut, so I hope I didn't fail miserably at that.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Carmilla had been planning the surprise all day; she wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for when Laura came home.

She had left work early to go home and clean her apartment, which happened _very_ rarely. Cleaning to Carmilla meant washing the piles of dishes and dirty clothes when there were no clean ones left, which she did only because she had to, otherwise she wouldn't have nothing to eat on or wear.

And it also explained why she didn’t own any cleaning tools, more than an old vacuum cleaner, a never used mop and zero cleaning products beyond dish soap and detergent powder. 

A smile formed on her lips as she started vacuuming the floor in the living room, remembering the shocked expression on Laura’s face when she had opened the tiny closet where Carmilla stored all her (very few) cleaning tools and products.

Laura had wanted to help Carmilla with some cleaning a few weeks ago, but when Carmilla just waved her off when she pointed out how dusty her bookshelves were, little stubborn Laura took that as a challenge - the get Carmilla Karnstein to clean with her challenge.

_"I did the dishes yesterday, isn't that cleaning?" Carmilla glanced up at Laura from her book with a raised eyebrow._

_Laura crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Hardly. Have you even seen how dusty your bookshelves are? You basically left a trail of dust when you dragged that book out off it," Laura pointed at the book Carmilla was reading. But_ _Carmilla just waved her hand towards Laura as she continued to read the book._

_"C'mon Carm, help me out." Laura stomped in the ground like a stubborn five year old and pouted towards the brunette._

_"Did you just stomp your foot?" Carmilla looked up at Laura again and grinned._

_No," Laura frowned. Carmilla raised an eyebrow. "Okay, yes, maybe. Just-" she walked up and sat down beside Carmilla on the couch-"is there nothing I can do to make you help me clean?"_

_Carmilla shook her head and flipped to the next page, "sorry, cupcake, not happening."_

_But Laura just grinned at her, before she leaned in to place her warm lips on Carmilla's cheek. "Really?" she moved Carmilla's dark brown curls out of the way and continued to kiss along her jawline towards her ear, "there is nothing I can do to change your mind?" she then took Carmilla's earlobe between her teeth and pulled gently._

_Carmilla let out a surprised gasp and automatically tilted her head slightly to the side. "Well, now when I think about it," she breathed and almost whimpered at the loss of contact when Laura moved back and smiled towards her._

_"Yes! I win, now let's clean!" she grabbed a hold of Carmilla's hand and dragged her off the couch before Carmilla even had the chance to react._

But what Laura definitely hadn’t expected though, was that it would be - very ironically - dirtier and dustier in the cleaning closet than any other place in the apartment. So, all the cleaning that happened that day was in the closet, and then Laura had had enough.

Carmilla then imagined how even _more_ shocked Laura would be when she saw the whole apartment all cleaned and tidied up. Her smile grew even bigger at the thought of the adorable facial expressions the girl would make.

She just hoped that she would manage to get everything ready in time, because now when she was actually cleaning and paying attention to the untidiness in her home, she realized that Laura had been right - her apartment was a mess and it was much more than she thought.

But after two hours of non-stop cleaning she was finally finished. Carmilla was sitting on a chair in the kitchen, absolutely exhausted, but at least her apartment was spotless and she was feeling rather proud of herself.

Carmilla looked up at the clock, taking a sip of her water. She had a bit over one hour before Laura would be home, which would be enough to finish everything she had planned.

She jumped off the chair and went out into the entrance hallway, to retrieve the things necessary for step two in preparing the surprise.

* * *

 

When she was finally done with all the preparing, Carmilla paused for a second in the doorway to the living room to examine her work. A tiny smiled formed in the corner of her lips and she gave herself a nod in satisfaction.

She then took up her phone to check the time, a sting of nervousness hit her stomach when she saw that Laura would be there in about twenty minutes.

Quickly, she put her phone back into her pocket and went into the bathroom to fix the finishing touch to it all - herself. Because it wasn’t only the apartment which needed to look good.

Carmilla had just lit the last candle in the apartment when Laura walked through the front door.

“Carm?” She called out as she started taking her shoes off. But she got no answer, because Carmilla had been too busy rushing out into the kitchen to get the roses and get to Laura before she would be able to walk into the living room.

“Hey,” Carmilla said when she reached the hallway and looked at Laura. She was bent down, her thick hair falling in front of her face as she was struggling to take off her snow covered shoes. Carmilla smiled at the sight.

When Laura had finally managed to get her shoes off, she stood up straight and fixed her hair, which had gotten a bit tangled in the process. Carmilla stood so that her body would as discreetly as possible cover Laura’s sight into the living room.

“Hey there yourself.” Laura smiled, but then slowly lowered her gaze down to see that Carmilla was holding her hands behind her back.

She raised an eyebrow and smiled, “what do you have there?”

Carmilla smiled mischievously and took a step closer, her heart beating rapidly as her surprise was about to be revealed.

“These are for you,” she said in a low voice and brought the roses in front of her.

Laura gasped and placed a hand in front of her mouth, muffling a surprised squeal.                                  

“Oh my god, Carm! Thank you so much, that is so sweet!” Laura took the bouquet of roses and threw her arms around Carmilla’s neck, giving her a tight hug. Carmilla chuckled and wrapped her arms around the tiny girl's waist, tilting her head so she could feel the sweet scent of her hair.

A second later there was another surprised gasp coming from Laura, because when she had hugged Carmilla, she had gotten a slight view into the living room.

She could see that the lights were turned off and there was a flickering from candlelight reflecting on the walls. When she brought her gaze downwards she saw a glimpse of something read on the floor. It looked like a rose petal.

“Oh my… Carm!” She squealed and buried her face in her neck. Carmilla smiled, knowing her surprise was so far a success.

When they were done hugging, Carmilla grabbed Laura’s hand and led her into the living room with a wide smile on her face.

Yet another gasp escaped Laura when they entered the living room. Her eyes widened as she got a full view of what Carmilla had done.

There were rose petals spread all over the room, lit candles standing wherever they could fit and low music playing in the background. On the table in front of the couch stood plates filled with small appetizer foods and also two wineglasses and a bottle of red wine.

Laura was absolutely speechless; she couldn’t believe that Carmilla had made all of this for her. It was the sweetest thing ever and she felt like her heart was going to explode from all the emotions.

“You have really done all of this for me?” Laura said, still in shock and turned to face Carmilla.

“Of course, cupcake, it’s all for you," Carmilla squeezed her hand slightly. "I wanted to do something special for you, because you’ve been there for me so much these past months and-” Carmilla was cut short when suddenly Laura’s lips were pressed against hers. She smiled and leaned in into the kiss, placing her arms around her and lifted her up from the floor.

Laura let out a light squeal when she was suddenly picked up from the floor. She wrapped her arms tightly around Carmilla’s neck and rested her forehead against the brunette’s when they had parted their lips.

“Thank you so much, Carm. This is the best surprise ever, I love it,” Laura whispered softly, looking straight into Carmilla’s eyes.

 

A soft smile spread on Carmilla’s lips. She then hugged Laura even tighter, feeling her, that she was actually there and this wasn’t just a dream - this girl was actually real.

“I'm glad you like it cupcake, you deserve only the best,” she said and nuzzled her nose against Laura's, earning an adorable giggle from the other girl.

Laura smiled widely as Carmilla settled her down on the floor again, their arms still wrapped around each other.

They were smiling at each other and Carmilla couldn’t help to think of incredibly beautiful Laura looked. The way her hair fell and framed her face perfectly; the way her eyes twinkled like the biggest of stars and they way her smile made her shine brighter than the sun. Laura just simply radiated beauty.

Carmilla leaned in to give Laura another kiss, feeling that the surprise had definitely turned out better than she would’ve even dared to expect.

But then Laura suddenly started chuckle lightly against her lips. Carmilla pulled her head back and looked at the girl.

"What?" She asked and smiled confusingly at her.

Laura shook her head a little, "no it's just, the music. Classical music, not exactly what I imagine you'd listen to."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow, still smiling. "Oh, really? Why not? It's beautiful and great to dance to."

"Dance?" Laura looked up at her questioningly. This wasn't really the kind of music she'd dance to. She needed something a bit more, upbeat.

"Yes, dance," Carmilla took a step back into the living room and held out her hand towards Laura. "May I?"

"Oh, that kind of dancing." Laura laughed and took a hold of Carmilla's hand. Carmilla gently pulled Laura closer to her and started leading her further into the living room in a slow waltz.

"What did you think when I said dancing? Ridiculous jumping and awkward hip movements to way too loud techno music?" Carmilla grinned at Laura, who just shook her head and moved her hand from resting on Carmilla's shoulder to the back of her neck and then back to her shoulder again.

"Well maybe. But in my defense, I didn't know you could waltz."

Carmilla's grin grew wider, "I have my secrets."

She let go of her arm around Laura, moved half a step backwards and lifted her arm up in the air so Laura could make a twirl. She then brought Laura in so they stood closer than before, chest to chest. Laura wrapped her free arm around Carmilla's neck this time.

"I read about waltzing in a book once. Did you know that in 1698, it may as well been sex?" Carmilla said and winked towards Laura, who reacted by blushing and biting her lip slightly.

"You're stupid." Carmilla chuckled at the comment and spun them around a little bit quicker once, making Laura squeal lightly.

Carmilla smiled widely and let go of Laura's hand to wrap both her arms around Laura's waist, still slowly moving them to the music. They rested their foreheads together, eyes closed and both just enjoying being close for a moment.

Until there was a low whisper ending the silence between them.

"I love you."

Carmilla shot her eyes open and moved her head back to look at Laura. Had she just? No that couldn't be, she must've just heard things.

Had Laura really just say that she loved her or was Carmilla going crazy? 

She was starting to internally freak out, because the more she thought about it the more she was sure Laura had actually said it. "What?" It was barely audible and all she could make herself say. 

Laura gave her a slight nod.

Carmilla took a deep breath, trying to control the enormous amount of feelings that was rushing through her body and pushing tears up her eyes. It felt like time stopped moving as she just stared at Laura.

It took a couple of seconds until she had somewhat processed it all. When she had managed to wrap her head around it enough to regain control over herself, she smiled softly and bit her lip. _Laura loves her_.

"I love you too, cupcake," she said in a bit raspy voice. Laura smile grew wider and then they both leaned in, melting together in a slow and tender kiss.

* * *

 

“C’mon, let’s get something to eat.” Carmilla said after another moment of them just enjoying and appreciating each other’s presence after them confessing their feelings.

Laura nodded and followed Carmilla to sit down on the couch. Carmilla poured them some wine while Laura looked the little appetizers standing on the table. There were cucumber and carrot sticks with dip, mini sandwiches, salty crackers, cheese and some grapes.

It all looked so incredibly nice and Laura still couldn’t believe that Carmilla had done all of it for her. This whole surprise had been so well planned and executed. Carmilla had even prepared a vase filled with water - which was also standing on the table - for the roses she had given to Laura to be placed in.

She really had thought about everything.

“This looks so incredible. I still can’t believe you did all of this for me.” Laura said and looked up at Carmilla, who smiled and handed her one of the glasses.

“Of course it's for you. So, now eat and enjoy, I haven’t prepared all this for decoration,” Carmilla said jokingly and took a sip of her wine.

“Thank God you haven’t, cause I’m starving!” Laura chuckled and started eating. Carmilla just watched Laura adoringly for a while.

_She sure eats a lot for being so tiny._

**It’s adorable.**

_Ha, you’re such a softie!_

**I can’t help it, she does that to me.**

_If I could, I would throw up from all this sweetness._

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Laura suddenly said, waking Carmilla from her thoughts.

“Oh, yes. I just got a bit lost in my thoughts,” Carmilla excused herself with a smile and reached for the vegetable sticks.

* * *

 

They had been eating, talking, laughing and drinking for almost three hours. It seemed like they never ran out of things to talk about, or _Laura_ never ran out of things to talk about. She was still the one who dominated their conversations, but Carmilla didn’t complain about it. She was happy just listening and watching Laura while she talked.

Somehow Laura always managed to lead herself on to another thing to tell. It was quite impressing actually.

Laura had been ranting about everything from her day at work to her favorite pastries and childhood memories non-stop. Carmilla had listened carefully, observed every movement and gesture Laura made as she spoke - taken in every word Laura had said. She swore she could stay like that forever.

Then Laura suddenly stopped talking. After three hours of hearing Laura’s non-stop rambling, Carmilla found the sudden silence a bit weird and foreign.

“You really need to warn me before you’re going to look at me that way, Carm.” Laura grinned and took the last sip of her wine, before placing the glass on the table.

“What way?” Carmilla said and looked a bit confused.

Laura moved a bit closer to the brunette, planting a kiss on her lips.

“The were you were just looking at me. Looking like you’re about to eat me.” Laura said, but the second later she widened her eyes when she realized what she had just said.

Carmilla started laughing hysterically, mostly at Laura’s baffled face, which loudly said she couldn’t believe she had just said that.

“I’m so stupid! I didn't mean eat like- oh god I need to learn how to think before speaking.” Laura started laughing just as hysterically as Carmilla.

But then, Carmilla suddenly muffled Laura’s laughter with a kiss. “Maybe it was stupid," she kissed Laura again before looking at her. "But it was absolutely adorable and also," Carmilla sucked in her bottom lip between her teeth, "maybe not so far from true."

Laura looked at her in confusion. “Wait, what?”             

But Carmilla didn’t answer, she just grabbed the back of Laura’s head and pulled her in for another kiss, much more heated than the previous one.

It must be the wine. It’s definitely the wine, Carmilla thought before pulling back, looking at Laura.

Laura barely had any time to react, because in one second they had gone from laughing until their stomachs hurt to heated passionate kissing. So, she just started at Carmilla for a second, before realizing what was going on.

The way Carmilla was looking at her gave it away. She was looking at Laura about the same way as before- adoringly and lovingly - but something was different. It was in a kind of way that Laura hadn’t witnessed before; there was also a flame of want and lust shining in her eyes.

And it immediately sparked something inside Laura. She felt her breathing become heavier and heat spread across her chest as her heart rate picked up.

Then their lips crashed together once more.

Laura moved so she could wrap her arms around Carmilla’s neck, pulling the brunette closer to her. She gasped slightly when Carmilla’s chest pressed against hers. She pulled her even closer, feeling a sudden burning need to eliminate every single bit of space they had between them.

Carmilla became incredibly lightheaded from the sweet taste of Laura’s lips, the craving for more growing bigger and bigger. She slid her tongue inside Laura’s mouth, earning a little moan from the other girl. The intense electric waves were pulsating through her bodies, making every nervcell become more sensitive.

Desperate hands were roaming over bodies - clothes suddenly feeling very much in the way -  as it became more and more heated. Their hearts were racing in full speed and their breathing became quicker. Soon, they both had to stop for a second to catch their breaths.

“Take me to bed,” Laura breathed against Carmilla’s lips. She had never wanted something to much as she wanted Carmilla in that moment; she wanted to feel the warmth of her body and her soft skin against her own. She wanted to taste her, feel her, hear her, sense her.

Carmilla looked at Laura for a second, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. She bit her lip before she rose into a standing position. She grabbed Laura’s hand and pulled her up from the couch and against her body.

“You sure?” Carmilla asked, her gaze scanning Laura's face. Laura nodded rapidly and started kissing her again.

“God, yes,” Laura almost whimpered against her lips and that was enough to assure Carmilla. She moved her hands down along Laura's sides, down to the small of her back, over her ass and then she picked Laura up.

With Laura's legs wrapped around her waist, she then started walking towards her bedroom.

* * *

 

When they reached the bed, Carmilla sat down on the edge of it, Laura sitting in her lap.

Laura moved Carmilla’s dark curls to the side, granting her access to trail open mouthed kisses down Carmilla’s neck. Carmilla couldn’t keep herself from gasping when she felt the warm lips against her skin. She tugged a bit at the back of Laura’s shirt, feeling like the clothes were getting more and more in her way.

Feeling the tug at her shirt, Laura moved her head back from kissing Carmilla's neck so that Carmilla could drag the shirt over her head, revealing Laura’s bare skin and a black bra.

Carmilla took in the sight of Laura for a second - admiring how perfect she was - before she started trailing kisses on her collarbones and then down to her chest, making Laura lean her head backwards in pleasure.

The need started to grow almost too strong for Laura to handle. She moved to stand up in front of Carmilla, leaving the brunette looking a bit puzzled. But she didn’t have the time to say anything about it before Laura leaned in to drag off Carmilla’s shirt, throwing it to the side.

Laura then dragged Carmilla to stand up as  well, capturing her lips again, before she started to unbutton Carmilla’s pants. Carmilla quickly followed by unbuttoning Laura’s, dragging them as far down her legs as she could without parting their lips.

After a moment of awkward struggle and giggles, they both managed to get out of their pants.

As soon as the pants were gone, Carmilla grabbed a hold around Laura’s bare waist and spun them around. She then started backing Laura back towards the bed.

Pinning Laura down on the bed, Carmilla climbed on top of her and slipped one of her thighs between her legs. A slight grind upwards with her thigh made a loud moan escape her mouth into Carmilla’s lips.

Feeling Laura’s bare and warm skin against her own sent electric waves through her body and she could clearly feel the arousal growing between her legs.

Dark brown curls tickled Laura’s face as Carmilla moved to trace kisses down between Laura's bare breasts and down to her stomach. She then moved up again, grinding her thigh between Laura’s legs once more, making Laura gasp loudly and buck her hips up against the touch she was craving so badly.

Carmilla grinned mischievously at how needy Laura was, before she captures her lips in a heated kiss, immediately slipping her tongue into her mouth. She then started moving her hand down to one of Laura’s breasts, grabbing it before letting go and gently brushing her fingers over the erect nipple. Laura whined against her lips at the light touch.

Another grin formed on Carmilla's lips before she slowly continued moving her hand down Laura's stomach and towards the place where Laura needed her to be.

In one go, Carmilla had pulled Laura's underwear off and threw them away, before tracing her fingers up Laura’s inner thigh.

Laura grew more and more impatient. “Carm, please,” she whimpered and let out a high pitched gasp when Carmilla’s fingers finally reached her wet center.

Carmilla started kissing and nibble at Laura’s neck before she dipped one finger into the wetness, making Laura whimper again. Carmilla slowly started to moved in and out of her, before stroking her finger upwards against Laura's clit, earning a loud moan from the other girl.

After a few strokes of Laura's clit, Carmilla slipped her finger inside of her again, adding a second one shortly after. Laura was starting to lose every bit of control she had of her body; she couldn't even make herself kiss Carmilla. She was just panting onto her lips as Carmilla hovered over her mouth - their lips just slightly touching.

Laura grabbed a hold of Carmilla's hair at the back of her head with one hand. Her other hand was on Carmilla's back, fingers digging into her skin as the pressure in her lower stomach started to grow greater.

When Carmilla picked up the pace a bit, Laura started rocking herself against the touch as she grew more and more desparate for release. She arched her back slightly upwards as she felt herself getting closer and closer to the edge.

“D-Don’t stop…” Laura moaned as Carmilla started to gently rub her clit with her thumb, and together with the thrusting of her fingers, it gave Laura an unbearable amount of pleasure.

It took one last deep curl of Carmilla’s fingers to shove Laura off the edge and for her to reach her climax. She threw both her hands down, grabbing a tight hold of Carmilla's back as she arched her whole upper body up against Carmilla’s when she felt the great relief rush through her body.

She breathed Carmilla's name before her body slowly started to relax again and she fell back down on the bed.

The whole sight and the sounds Laura made had been enough for Carmilla to come as well, while shamelessly grinding down on Laura's thigh. It was nothing like she had ever experienced before and it made her moan loudly into Laura's neck before the girl fell back on the bed.

When Carmilla had come down from her high, she removed her fingers from Laura and brought them to her mouth. She licked them clean, smiling slightly at the taste of Laura. She then moved to lie down beside the exhausted tiny girl she loved so much.

Laura moved her head to look at Carmilla, who grinned towards her.

“That was amazing,” she whispered breathlessly and leaned to kiss the brunette before curling up in her arms. Carmilla smiled against the top of Laura's head and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer.

_Well, I think it’s very safe to say the surprise was very successful._


	9. Spring Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is early spring. Both Laura and Carmilla are having the day off from work and they decide to go for a walk in the park together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and more fluff coming your way!
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Waking up with Laura next to her had quickly became the best thing Carmilla knew.

She would even go as far as to say that it was even better than reading a book.

Carmilla wasn't really a big fan of early mornings, or not a fan at all. In fact she despised early mornings more than anything. But despite that, she liked to wake up early just so she could lie and watch Laura peacefully sleeping beside her for a moment, before she would drift back to sleep again.

The way Laura’s hair would fall messily over her face and the small twitches she did with her mouth while she slept was the most adorable sight ever and Carmilla caught herself thinking a lot of times that she could see herself waking up beside Laura every day.

She _wanted_ to wake up next to Laura every day.

Carmilla lied propped up on her elbow and watched the tiny girl. She smiled widely when Laura turned to snuggle up against her chest with a tired sigh. It was 5 in the morning, even too early for a little morning bird like Laura to be up.

There had been no nightmares that night nor the night before either. Ever since Carmilla opened up to Laura and told her about her nightmares, she had only dreamed them trice. Though they had become somewhat different. Carmilla wasn’t really scared anymore, not in the same way at least.

Sure, she was still scared while she was having the nightmare. She still felt the pain, saw the same horrible things and the darkness was still there. The difference was that she didn’t feel scared when she woke up anymore; her fear stayed inside the nightmare and didn’t follow her out of it.

And it was all thanks to Laura.

A gentle kiss was planted on messy honey brown hair before Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura and closed her eyes to go back sleep, feeling a sense of tranquility which was still a bit foregin to her. It was very nice though.

* * *

 

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” a familiar voice whispered into Carmilla’s ear.

Carmilla groaned and turned to lie on her other side, though a tiny smile formed on her lips, because she knew very well whose voice it was.

“Carm, get up!” Laura said and jumped to sit on top of the grumpy brunette.

She leaned down to plant kisses on Carmilla’s warm cheek, forcing her smile to grow bigger, but she still refused to open her eyes and admit she was awake.

_You’re so weak for her. Look at you; you would never smile at 9 in the morning!_

“You need to get up!" Laura shook her shoulder a bit, but Carmilla still refused to give in just yet. "Just look outside, the weather is amazing!” Laura said and got up to remove the thick curtains which were covering the windows. The strong light from the sun hit Carmilla right in the face.

Carmilla groaned loudly and dragged the duvet over her head to protect herself from the light.

 “The sun is shining, the sky is blue and the birds are even singing.” Laura said gleefully and dragged the duvet away from Carmilla’s face, before she jumped up to lie on top of her again.

“You’re lucky I love you, cupcake,” Carmilla mumbled into her pillow and turned her head a bit so she could glace up at Laura.

“It’s alive!” Laura teased and leaned down towards Carmilla’s ear. “If you get up now, I’ll make you some pancakes.”

Carmilla immediately rolled over, making Laura fall to the side on the bed with a little shriek, which then turned into laughter when she saw the sudden excitement in Carmilla’s eyes.

“I’m up!” Carmilla said and sat up in the bed.

Laura threw a pillow at her and smiled. “Good, and stay up or I’ll eat all the pancakes myself!”

"Oh you wouldn't manage to eat that many pancakes," Carmilla smirked tiredly towards her. 

Laura narrowed her eyes towards her as she started to make her way off the bed and walk backwards towards the door. She grabbed a hold of the doorknob and started opening the door, her eyes still on Carmilla.

"Watch me," she said before she opened the door completely and disappeared out into the kitchen.

Carmilla chuckled and looked after her with a smile on her lips. The urge to run after her and pick her up in her arms was strong, but she was way too tired for it. She would get her revenge later.

* * *

 

When Laura flipped the last pancake onto the plate there was still no sign of Carmilla.

“I swear to God, if she doesn’t come here in two seconds I’ll pour a bucket of water over her.” Laura mumbled to herself as she moved to place the plate on the kitchen table.

“Oh no, you won’t." As soon as Laura had placed the plate on the table, two arms were wrapped around Laura’s waist and a second later she was lifted up and spun around in the air.

A loud squeal came from her as Carmilla kept her up in the air.

“Carm put me down!” She laughed and tried to squirm out of Carmilla’s hold, but it was to no use. Carmilla was much stronger than her, even though she hated to admit it.

When Carmilla finally put Laura down on the ground, she immediately turned around to give the smug brunette a light slap on the shoulder. Carmilla gave her a very self-satisfied smirk.

“That was for waking me up at 9 on my day off.” Carmilla said and then leaned in to capture Laura’s lips in a kiss before she could say anything back.

“You sneaky little cat,” Laura said against her lips before they parted. Then, Laura sat down by the table and Carmilla went to make the two of them some coffee before she also sat down.

Laura might not be very good at cooking other meals, but her pancakes were really to die for. And it was probably the only thing Carmilla would ever allow her to cook. 

Carmilla let out a pleased hum when Laura handed her a cup of coffee. "Coffee good," she said and took a sip, immediately regretting it, spitting the coffee back into the cup. "Coffee hot," she stuck her burned tongue out and looked at Laura when she heard her laughing. 

"Aren't I glad to see someone is having a laugh at my expense," she lisped and pouted towards Laura, which made her laugh even louder. Carmilla smiled and brought her tongue back into her mouth.

"You know for someone who looks so tough, you are very adorable," Laura said and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"And you're the only one who ever gets to call me adorable and get away with it," Carmilla said and gave Laura a playful smile.

Laura smiled back at her before she started shoving pancakes into her mouth.

“So, I was thinking,” Laura began before putting another piece of pancake in her mouth. “The weather is really nice and we both are off from work, why don’t we go for a walk in the park? It’s always so beautiful there in spring.”

Carmilla glanced up at her pensively. Going outside wasn’t exactly what she had had in mind for the day. She had planned to do something more in the style of lie in bed, be extremely lazy, eat pizza and watch movies. Yes, Carmilla wanted to watch movies.

If there was something Laura had taught her it was to be able enjoy movies, or at least if Laura was there to snuggle with. Then it was manageable.

Okay, okay, no, it was actually really cozy and nice and she liked it a lot. She could even stand watching one of the incredibly boring series Laura liked to watch, as long as Carmilla got her snuggles. But she was never going to admit that to Laura.

Carmilla had hoped that Laura would suggest it so she could give her an eye roll and a sigh, maybe make Laura beg a little, but then she would settle down on the couch with the tiny girl in her arms; secretly enjoying it but sighing once in a while not to give herself away.

“Do we have to?” Carmilla asked and Laura immediately turned to look at her with big puppy eyes.

“Oh no, that is not fair. You know I can’t resist your stupid puppy eyes!”

“Please, Carm,” Laura said as her puppy eyes only grew bigger.

“God damn it! Okay, fine.” Carmilla rolled her eyes and took a sip of her coffee.

“Yes!” Laura made a little victory fist pump. ”Thank you, you’re the best!” She said happily and gave Carmilla a kiss on the cheek, which made it impossible for Carmilla not to smile.

Carmilla shook her head slightly, “you’re killing me, Hollis.” She joked and Laura starting attacking her with kisses all over her face.

“With kisses!” she giggled in between her kisses and Carmilla tried very halfheartedly to defend herself from the attack, because really she could let Laura do that forever.

Goddamn, she was so whipped for Laura that her past self would cringe if she ever saw them.

They both started laughing hysterically and soon Laura had to stop her attack of kisses to catch her breath. Laura leaned her forehead to rest against Carmilla’s, still laughing.

“No, but really, you’re the best. And I love you,” Laura said when she had calmed down a bit from her laughter, looking into Carmilla’s dark brown eyes.

Carmilla smiled towards her. “You’re not so bad yourself, and I love you too, cupcake.”

_Whipped._

* * *

 

After a long breakfast, the two of them had gotten ready to head out to the park.

Carmilla had taken an _awfully_ long time to get ready though, even longer than usual, which was like painfully long already.

Laura had even found her half fallen asleep on the bed when she came out from the bathroom, almost ready to go. So, she had to chase the brunette out of bed for the second time that day, before Carmilla started getting ready for real.

Laura had sworn Carmilla was the slowest person she had ever met. She was slow at getting out of bed, slow at showering, slow at getting ready - slow at absolutely everything. Except for running, Carmilla was actually a very fast runner, which Laura had noticed when they had been about to miss their bus to the mall some weeks ago.

But aside from when it came to running; Carmilla was a really slow person.

However, after two long hours, they had finally reached the park and were walking through it hand in hand.

The weather really was nice outside. The sun was out for the first time in what felt like forever and it was pretty warm, making the snow and the ice on the small lake in the middle of the park to melt a bit. There were also not a single cloud in the sky and birds were flying everywhere, going crazy over that spring was getting closer for each passing day.

Laura took a deep breath of the fresh outdoor air, sighing contentedly as she let the air out of her lungs again.

“Isn’t it beautiful, Carm?” Laura said dreamily and leaned her head on Carmilla’s shoulder.

A little smile formed on the brunette’s lips, “Yeah, it’s very nice.”

So, maybe it hadn't been that bad of an idea to take a walk. Carmilla actually found herself enjoying it quite a lot. Though, the biggest reason to why she actually did was because Laura was there.

Carmilla knew that she would enjoy about anything as long as Laura was there with her. Even cleaning and watching horrible tv shows.

“Hey, Laura!” A voice suddenly called from behind them, making them stop and turn around to see who the voice belonged to.

Laura had looked like she knew immediately who had called for her, even before they turned around.

“Hi!” She yelled and waved towards two read heads heading towards them. They were pretty equal in height; one of them had longer, curly hair and the other one very short hair, laid a bit to the side. Carmilla smirked, because she then recognized one of them in particular.

When they had reached them, they both gave Laura a hug.

“Hi guys! It has been a while, how are you?” Laura said and smiled towards them.

“Oh, we’re just fine! We’re just about to pick up Riley from my mom’s,” Perry answered and smiled kindly towards Laura before moving her head to look at Carmilla, the same kind smile on her lips.

“I’m Lola Perry. I don’t believe we have met before," she firmly took Carmilla's hand and shook it. Carmilla raised an eyebrow but didn't make any attempts to take her hand back. When Perry had let go of Carmilla's hand she looked over to the person standing to her right, "and this is La-"

"Gingersnap." Carmilla said and pursed her lips into a mocking smirk, which was immediately returned by the read head.

"Vampire." They said back and narrowed their eyes a bit towards Carmilla, all in a joking matter.

Laura raised both her eyebrows at the exchange of nicknames and looked at them in confusion. "Wait, you two know each other?"

"Yeah, LaFontaine here comes quite regularly to the library, always borrowing their weird ass science books on gross worms or something," Carmilla threw yet another smirk at them, which was yet again returned in the same way.

LaFontaine turned to look at Laura without saying anything to defend themselves against Carmilla's comment. It wasn't exactly untrue. "So, Laura, how do you know Scrooge McBroody over here?" LaFontaine said and pointed at Carmilla, who rolled her eyes.

"Oh, right! Guys, this is my girlfriend, Carmilla." Laura said and tightened her grip around Carmilla's waist. She smiled brightly, mostly directed towards Perry, who didn't already know Carmilla.

Carmilla’s eyes widened slightly when she realized what Laura had just called her and she held her breath for a moment.

Warmth started to spread over her chest, up her neck and to her cheeks. She didn’t know if it was because of that all the attention had suddenly been aimed at her or if it was because of what Laura had said. It was probably a mix of both. 

She let out a stiff chuckle and shifted awkwardly, hoping no one would notice that she was blushing.

"Girlfriend, eh?" LaFointaine said, a wicked smirk on their lips. Perry swatted their shoulder with the back of her hand, whispered a _don't be rude,_ before turning her head towards Carmilla and Laura. That overly sweet and gentle smile present on her lips again.

“That is lovely!" She said, "we would really like to stay and chat, but we got to hurry before my mom becomes worried.” Perry’s became a bit apologetic. "It was really nice to meet you Carmilla."

Carmilla gave ger a nod, "you too, red two."

Perry's smile only grew wider and she seemed completely untouched by the nickname. LaFontine however was chuckling behind their hand.

"And see you at the library red one." LaFontain gave her a playful glare before smiling and nodding.

They said their goodbyes and then Carmilla and Laura started walking again, in the same slow pace as before.

Carmilla really couldn’t take her mind off of what Laura had called her. She was so deeply drawn into her thoughts that she barely noticed that Laura started talking again.

“So, that was Perry and well, Laf, who you already knew. And Riley is their daughter, it was her I was supposed to babysit the first day we met.” Laura said, but when she got no answer she looked up at Carmilla, who was just smiling down at the ground.

“What is it?” Laura asked in confusion.

“Your girlfriend, huh?” Carmilla looked up at Laura.

In two seconds Laura’s cheeks had become bright red and she moved her gaze to look down on the ground.

“Oh, yeah, like… I just thought that we’ve been doing, you know all this, for five months and I just thought that… Like, it felt right saying it and oh God, I’m so sorry if you don’t feel that way and you don’t want me to say that, I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to-”

“Cupcake, calm down,” Carmilla interrupted Laura’s rambling, which had started to sound more and more panicked the more she went on.

Carmilla reached her hand to grab Laura’s and gave it a gentle squeeze, “I don’t want you to not call me that. I think it feels right too.”

They stopped and looked at each other, a bright smile spreading on Laura’s face.

“Really?” She almost whispered as her smile grew bigger.                                                                                     

“Really, girlfriend.” Carmilla smirked before capturing Laura's lips in a soft kiss. Laura threw her arms around Carmilla’s neck, pulling the brunette closer to her. They both couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

"So, how do you know the mad scientist?" Carmilla said when they had parted and started walking again. Laura chuckled at the nickname as Carmilla wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I've known Laf and Perry since college. Perry was my floor Don freshman year, Laf her roommate and best friend. Though, it was always obvious there was something more between them, so when they finally got together junior year, we were all like _finally,_ " Laura went on with talking about her years in college and her memories together with LaFontaine and Perry all the way back to Carmilla's place. 

Carmilla hadn't said a word during the whole time, only hummed and nodded. She'd been too captivated by Laura's voice, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about her memories and that little smile that was always present on her lips. And she caught herself thinking she could listen to Laura talk forever many times.

_You've got it so bad for this one, Karnstein._


	10. Silas University

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for another background story chapter, and this time it is Laura’s time to shine! It’s Laura’s first day at Silas University, where she meets Laf, Perry and Danny for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice that the end of the chapter jumps forward in time again and picks up were the chapter “Doubts and The Unexpected” ended, to show a bit of the relationship between Laura and Danny after collage.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

_New start, new school, new opportunities._

Those were the words that 19-year old Laura kept repeating in her head during the drive to the university, where she was going to spend the next few years of her life.

She was feeling pretty nervous, but also extremely excited to see new places and meet new people. Meeting new people the thing she was most excited about.

Laura had always been good at socializing and finding friends, which was probably because of her curious nature. She usually got along with everyone she met and always tried to befriend new people. Along with that she was very loyal and caring, stubborn as a mule and sometimes a little pushy - but she had a good heart. And that she got from her mother, her dad used to tell her.

But her curiosity and stubbornness also made her have a knack of finding trouble now and then - like when she stared a kindergarten uprising when she found out that the vice president had been embezzling from the forth grade Candygram fund. The vice president later had to resign because of that and little Laura earned herself a headline in the local newspaper.

That was the day she decided she would become a journalist. A very fitting job for someone like her - a truth seeker.

Now she was finally on her way to peruse that dream.

Her (very overprotective) dad had kept on telling her during the whole ride how important it was that she would keep away from alcohol, drunk boys and parties. And also that she looked after herself and stayed safe. After just an hour of his endless pounding, his words had started to go in through Laura’s ear and out the other one.

“Now, remember your Krav Maga classes, pumpkin, and don’t hesitate to use it. I don’t want my little girl to get hurt.” Her dad said as he turned the car up on the long road that led up to the university.

Laura roller eyes and mumbled that she would keep it in mind and that she wasn’t little anymore, but she also smiled. She knew her dad was nervous about leaving her all alone at a university hours away from her home town. She couldn't blame him.

“I’ve packed some supplies for you, which you can use if something happens. Like if some drunk collage boy tries something or…”

“Dad, that’s really sweet and all, but I don’t think it will be necessary,” Laura interrupted and looked at her dad. If she knew him right, it wouldn’t be just one thing he had packed, but probably a whole bag full of weird and odd things to use as self-defense.

“You never know.” Her dad answered and smiled towards her, but he got no answer, because Laura was entirely too busy taking in the sight of the university, which was now visible from behind all the trees and woods that had previously covered the sight.

“I just want you to be safe,” he continued as he parked the car and turned off the engine. He then turned to look at his daughter with a worried expression.

Laura smiled lovingly at him and gave him a long hug. “I know daddy, but I’ll be fine. I promise,” she said and they hugged even tighter, before letting go. Laura gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before exciting the car.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help you with the bags?” Her dad asked and looked at her through the review mirror.

“No, it’s fine dad!” Laura answered before she closed the trunk and carried all her bags up to stand in front of the door to the driver’s seat. Her dad excited the car and wrapped his arms around his precious little girl, who he had to accept wasn’t so little anymore. He kissed her head before letting her go.

“Have a nice year pumpkin, I’ll see you at Christmas. And stay safe.” He raised a warning finger, but smiled his usual gentle smile towards her.

“I think you’ve said that like three hundred times now, how can I possibly forget it?” Laura joked and smiled at him. He just shook his head and chuckled, before getting in the car again.

The engine started and her dad started to slowly drive away, keeping an eye on his daughter through the mirrors until she disappeared behind the trees. Laura stood and patiently waved until the car was completely out of sight, then she picked up her bags and turned to face the enormous university building.

“All right, Silas University, here I come.” She said with a firm smile on her lips, taking her first step towards the building.

* * *

 

The inside of the university was much larger than little Laura had expected. It was actually enormous and all kinds of confusing and she quickly found herself lost among all the people and hallways.

She had wandered aimlessly through the school for at least twenty minutes, before she finally found a map of the campus. Though, it hadn’t been to much help, because the map was also huge and very confusing. _Great_.

“I’ll never find my way through this stupid school,” she mumbled to herself as she studied the map closely, without much success of finding where to go.

“Need some help?” Laura jumped at the sudden sound of a voice and quickly turned her head to the side to see whom the voice belonged to, but all she saw was a pair of shoulders.

Laura slowly moved her gaze upwards and was soon met by a smile and two very kind blue eyes looking down at her. Laura brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and shyly smiled back at the redheaded girl.

Never in her life had Laura felt as tiny as she did at that moment, standing beside this unknown girl, because she was ridiculously tall, like almost two heads taller than Laura. But she looked very nice though, so it didn't bother her at all.

“Yeah, that’d be great! I’m kinda lost; I am looking for room 307.” Laura said and the girl let out a little laugh. Laura raised and eye brow towards her, she didn’t get what was so funny.

“Then you’re really lost. It’s all the way across the campus,” the girl said and picked up one of Laura’s bags. “I’ll show you where it is.” She then said and started walking. Tiny little Laura almost had to run to keep up with her long legs.

* * *

 

When they finally reached the room Laura was going to live in for the last couple of years, Laura was completely out of breath and she cursed herself for the many cookies she had eaten throughout her life.

“Here we are! Room 307.” The tall redheaded girl said and flung Laura’s bag on top of one of the two beds.

Laura wasn’t even going to try to do the same, so she just dropped the bag right on the floor and threw her exhausted body on the bed with a loud sigh.

“That was quite a walk,” she said before sitting up in the bed, smiling towards the tall girl.

“I’m Laura Hollis, by the way.” Laura said and reached out her hand towards the girl.

The girl took a firm hold of her hand and shook it with a smile on her lips. “I’m Lawrence, Danny Lawrence. And you are also lucky, because your roommate hasn’t shown up yet, which means you get to decide which bed you want!”

Laura chuckled and let go of Danny’s hand, then she patted her hand on the bed she was sitting on. “I think I’ll just go with this one here.”

Danny smiled towards her and Laura could feel a bit of warmth spreading on her cheeks as their eyes met.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and two other persons entered the room, without waiting for permission to do so.

“Hello!” Said one of them cheerfully, a girl with very curly and red hair.

“I’m just checking in on our new students here. I’m Lola Perry and I’m your floor don. But you can just call me Perry if you’d like,”  she said and smiled kindly towards Laura, who quickly stood up from the bed to introduced herself.

“And this is my roommate and best friend, Susan Lafontaine.” Perry pointed at yet another redhead, standing beside her.

“Just call me LaFontaine or Laf.” They quickly added and smiled a bit awkwardly from beside Perry.

Perry moved her gaze around in the room, “I can see your roommate hasn’t arrived yet, Elizabeth Spielsdorf. I guess I’ll be back to greet her when she has arrived.” Perry placed her hands together in front of her stomach.

“Well, you look like you’ve got things under control, we’ll be off then. Danny, Laura.” She then said and nodded towards the two girls, before she turned to exit the room.

“It was nice meeting you, Laura. See you around.” LaFontaine said quickly before they hurried after their friend.

Laura felt a bit baffled after the two of them had left. The whole greeting had been very hasty and she had barely gotten a chance to get her head around what was happening before Perry and LaFontaine had left again.

She looked up at Danny with raised eyebrows, “and I thought I was a fast speaker,” she joked.

“That is Perry in a nutshell. Things can go very fast when she is around, so you better get used to it.” Danny said and chuckled.

“And LaFontaine is non-binary, that’s why they want you to call them LaFontaine and not Susan. Perry hasn't really," Danny searched for words for a second, "wrapped her head around it yet, so that's why Laf don't really talk about it when she is around. But they are fine with other people knowing, it's just, they care a lot about what Perry thinks," she shrugged. "Perry likes... Normal."

Laura nodded firmly - she would keep that in mind even if it would be confusing at first. 

She looked up at Danny again and it got quiet between them for some seconds; both were smiling towards each other. The silence between them had felt somewhat loaded and gave Laura a feeling she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. At least it wasn’t unpleasant though.

“So, anyhow, thank you for showing me to my dorm. It was very nice of you. I’d probably never found it if it wasn’t for you.” Laura said after a moment and shook her head a bit at the thought of that she would still be wandering around in the school if it wasn’t for Danny.

“It was really no problem, any time.” Danny said and smiled a wide, toothy and very charming smile towards Laura, which made a little blush spread on her cheeks.

“If you want me to, I could stay until your roommate shows up.” Danny was quick to offer before it would become quiet again.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, I’m sure you have things you have to take care of.” Laura said and shook her head a bit. She was flattered by the offer though and a big part of her wanted Danny to stay.

“It’s really no problem.”

“Well okay, then yeah, it’d be nice with some company.”

They both smiled towards each other, but then Laura quickly turned to start unpacking her bags when that feeling she couldn’t really figure out started creeping up on her and made her blush for like the tenth time that day. Danny immediately started helping her, despite Laura saying she didn’t have to go through the trouble, but Danny insisted.

“Wow! Are you planning on going on a bear hunt or something?” Danny said when she laid eyes upon the big plastic bag filled with bear spray cans.

“Overprotective dad,” Laura chuckled and rolled her eyes, before she shoved the bag under the wooden desk.

“Well, the closest things to bears you’ll find here are the boys from the Zeta Omega Mu fraternity, which would be a bunch of very stupid bears, so I wouldn’t worry about them anyways.” Danny laughed, before she continued to with the unpacking.

During the time they unpacked, Laura learned that this was going to be Danny’s third year at the university and she was - not only a member of - but also VP for the Summer Society, which was an outdoor social club for all girls’ athletics if Laura got it right.

And she also learned that Danny was going to be an English Literature TA this year.

“Oh, then we’ll probably see each other a lot! One of my classes is English Literature.” Laura said as she made the bed, Danny turned around to give her a bright smile.

“That’s awesome! I’m looking forward to that,” she said and once again, a blush spread on Laura's cheeks. She damned her body for like the fiftieth time for being so uncontrollable.

But then she got a strong feeling of that her years in collage would become more awesome than what she first had imagined and she couldn’t help but smile.

* * *

 

“So, who was that?” Danny had poked her head inside Laura’s office not long after Carmilla had left.

Laura looked up at her and raised an eyebrow in slight annoyance.

“That was Carmilla.” Laura said bluntly and threw the trash from her lunch into the garbage bin under her desk.

“Ah, okay," Danny bit her lip slightly. "What did she want? Because it sounded like you were having a fight and if she hurt…”

“Why are you asking that? Was that why you came in before?" Laura interrupted and looked up at Danny again. "This isn’t really any of your business, Danny.” 

“No, Laura, that’s not why! And I know it’s not, I’m sorry. I just...”

“Three years, Danny. We broke up almost three years ago. Can you please just," Laura sighed to calm herself down a bit. "It's not your job to keep me safe and it never was; I thought I had already made that clear years ago.” Laura said, her patience starting to run out as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I still care about you, Laura.”

“Yeah, I know, and you know I do still want you as my firend," she sighed once more, "but it doesn’t mean you can just stick your nose into my life like this. I’m not dumb, I can handle myself.” Laura said and looked up at Danny, her look slightly apologetic for what she was about to say next. “So, please leave.”

“Fine, I’ll back off,” Danny sighed in defeat and started walking towards the door.

Danny turned around to look at Laura from the doorway. “But if anything happens to you because of her, I’ll go after her.” She then said, before she closed the door behind her.  
  
Laura leaned back in her chair with a loud sigh. Being friends with an ex was hard, not that she had exactly expected it to be easy for that matter, but sometimes it was harder than she had expected it to be.

She stilled cared for Danny, she was one of her best friends and their friendship meant a lot to the both of them. But sometimes Danny could just be too much, which was also the reason why they had broken up in the first place. Danny could be incredibly protective and that was not what she needed - another dad. She already got that one covered.

Laura had been lost in her thoughts when suddenly her phone chimed. She opened her eyes and picked up her phone from the desk, a smile immediately forming on her lips when she saw the text on her screen.

 **Carmilla (1:14PM):** See you at the café at 5 like usual?

 **You (1:15PM):** Of course, but you're buying.

 **Carmilla (1:17PM)** : Fair enough. See you there, cupcake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised there would be one chapter each day until Monday, when I’m going back to school, but this chapter will be for both Saturday and Sunday. I was out all day with my friend on Saturday and was too exhausted to finish one whole chapter with just a very few hours left of the day, so I’m sorry for that! 
> 
> So, this means that after this chapter, there won’t be updates as frequently, because sadly, school has to come first. But, I’ll always do my best to upload a new chapter as quickly as I can! If you would want to contact me during this time or if you have any questions, about the fan fiction or about anything really, you can find me on my tumblr: thecreampuffie. 
> 
> And last, but not least, I just want to say a massive thank you to all of you! Because wow, I never expected that so many people would actually like my story and that it would get this much attention when I started writing it. All the kudos, the wonderful comments and all the positive feedback I've gotten, it makes me so happy and it surely makes this whole writing experience a hundred times better. I really enjoy writing this story and sharing it with you and that's all thanks to you. So, thank you all for being so wonderful!


	11. The Toy Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla encounters a little boy at work, who quickly starts to remind her of someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Carmilla was sitting down by the desk at the reception of the library with a book in her hand. It was Friday, the clock had just turned 11 a.m. and the library was practically empty; like it always used to be around this time.

There were only a few mothers with their children sitting by the toys in the children’s corner of the building - also as usual.

To attract more visitors, they had set up a pretty huge children's corner in the back of the building. The children absolutely loved it and the mothers appreciative of that they had somewhere to take their young ones during the day, where they could also socialize with other mothers at the same time.

This was a part of why Carmilla loved her job as much as she did. There were always some hours during the day when no one simply had or took their time to visit the library except for a few mothers and their children. It was fairly quiet and some days it was even completely empty in the library during those hours.

And during that time, Carmilla could sit down and enjoy one of the many, many books the library offered in peace.

She could enjoy herself, relax and read, and she was still earning money. That was definitely worth the few times when the library could be very crowded, loud and hectic.

(Yes, sometimes it was loud - even if it was library. Especially when the youths started to pour in after school to borrow books for their projects and papers. They didn't understand the concept of keeping quiet and it was useless trying to tell them - they'd only ignore you and go right back to talking and throwing books at each other.)

“Excuse me, miss.” A small voice suddenly said. Carmilla looked up from her book and saw the face of young boy, probably not older than four, standing in front of the desk.

Or it was more like half of a face.

He was pretty short, so he had to stand on his toes to even be able to look over the desk. His hair was dark brown, almost black and there was a glimpse of nervousness, almost fear, in his grey eyes.

Carmilla smiled gently towards him and placed the book on the desk. “How may I help you, young man?”

The boy didn’t answer; he just looked down on the desk, before turning his head to look at a brown haired woman standing by the bookshelves a few feet away. The woman made a quick gesture with her hand towards him and the boy slowly turned his head to face Carmilla again. He swallowed hardly.

“Ehm… I’m sorry, miss. I...” He started, but he wasn’t able to finish, before his voice cracked and tears started to fill his eyes.

Carmilla quickly stood up from her chair and made her way around the desk. She then crouched down in front of the now crying little boy.

“What is wrong, little man?” She said softly and placed a soothing hand on his arm, noticing that the boy slightly flinched and tensed his small body at the touch.

Carmilla raised an eyebrow at how the boy reacted to the touch before she slowly started to soothingly rub her hand up and down the boy’s arm. Soon, he relaxed his body again.

“Now, tell me little man, why are you upset?” Carmilla said, just as softly as before.

“I-I b-broke one of the-the toy cars, I’m s-sorry!” The boy sobbed uncontrollably and rubbed his hand over his eyes to wipe away the tears that had started to fall from them.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that! We have a whole box full of them. We’ll just get a new one for you,” Carmilla said and smiled towards him. The boy’s face immediately brightened up a bit and he stopped sobbing.

“Really? You’re not mad at me?” The boy said and looked up at her in surprise, his voice still a bit unsteady from crying.

Carmilla shook her head. “Of course I’m not mad at you. Accidents happen, even to the best of us.”

The boy smiled shyly towards her, before he wrapped his tiny arms around her neck and thanked her.

Carmilla had been a bit taken off guard from the sudden hug, but she quickly softened and placed her arm around the boy and petted him gently on the back.

“Now, let us go get a new car for you.” Carmilla said and let go of the boy, who nodded. The sadness and fear that he previously had felt, was now replaced with excitement.

Carmilla stood up straight and just before she started walking towards the staff’s room, the boy took her hand and smiled up towards her.

Who would’ve ever guessed that the tough, reclusive and antisocial Carmilla Karnstein - who never cared for people or had the slightest interest of interacting with them - actually loved and was very good children?

If there were any people in this world Carmilla actually liked and didn’t feel uncomfortable being around - except for Laura of course - it was children.

She strongly believed that children were the most pure and innocent beings in this messed up world they lived in. Children were empty pages, not yet written; free of prejudices and malevolence and still untouched by the harshness of reality.

It could be quite sad sometimes, looking at a child and see just how unaware they are of the easiness of their lives at the moment. And how they don't know that it one day will be ripped away from them. That they will slowly start to shape and mold after society and destructive norms - grow aware of the world and see it with less color for each passing day. See it for what it really is.

Then one day, they'll catch themselves looking at a child and think the exact same thing Carmilla was thinking when she looked down at the little boy walking beside her. Think just how much they wish they could be an empty page again, just for a day.

 

* * *

 

When they walked back towards - what Carmilla assumed must’ve been the mother of the boy - the boy waved the new toy car in the air.

“Look mom, I got a new toy car!” He said in excitement and let go of Carmilla’s hand to run up to his mother, Carmilla not far behind, a smile on her face.

The mother however, didn’t look very amused.

“You gave him a new toy?” She said coldly as soon as Carmilla had reached to them. Carmilla’s smile faded rapidly and she raised her eyebrows in surprise at the woman’s rude tone.

The little boy immediately hid behind Carmilla’s leg. Carmilla looked down at him; the glimpse of fear was back in his eyes again.

That's when she realized, he was scared of his own mother. She clenched her jaw tightly and looked up at the mother again.

“Yes, we have a lot of these, in case something like this would happen." Carmilla tried to sound as polite as possible, even though she felt the anger grown inside her, seeing how frightened the little boy was.

“He broke the toy; he doesn’t deserve to get a new one.” The mother said coldly, before she harshly took the toy car from the boy’s small hand. The boy let out a quiet whimper and wrapped his arms around Carmilla’s leg for comfort.

“He’s just a kid and accidents happen. I think it was very brave of him to admit to me what had happened, so he definitely deserves to get a new one.” Carmilla folded her arms in front of her chest, struggling to keep her anger inside.

_Keep calm, Karnstein._

**Keep calm? Aren’t you seeing what she is doing to him?**

The mother snorted towards her and narrowed her eyes, “he most certainly wasn’t brave. I had to force him to do it and then he couldn’t even keep his head high while doing it. He was crying like a little baby.”

Carmilla narrowed her eyes back at the woman. “He is like what, four years old? How can you blame him for being scared?”

The mother was really starting to go on her nerves, but it wasn't just because of her rudeness and the lack of respect. No, there was something else. She saw something in the boy’s mother that felt so painfully familiar, and it only fueled Carmilla's anger even more.

_She is acting like…_

**Don’t you even dare to think about it!**

“Crying is for the weak.”

“I’d like the toy car back, please.” Carmilla did her very best to ignore what the woman had just said and reached her hand out, palm facing upwards and pursed her lips into a very forced smile. She took a deep breath through her nose, trying to keep herself in control.

The mother placed the toy car in her hands before she turned around and walked towards the exit with harsh steps. The boy started following her with his head hanging in shame.

Carmilla quickly crouched down and placed a hand on his shoulder before he had passed her. He looked up at her, a broken look in his eyes.

“Here, take this. You do deserve it, little man.” Carmilla said and handed him the toy car, before she ruffled his hair.

The boy smiled towards her and hid the car in the pocket of his dark blue jacket.

“Owen, we’re leaving!” His mother called for him without turning around and the boy gave Carmilla one last smile, before running to catch up with his mother.

Carmilla looked after the two of them until they were out of sight. Seeing the little boy being forced to leave with his cruel mother made Carmilla feel like she had failed in some way. She had seen how the mother had acted and how scared that little boy was, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

It made her feel sick and she had to take a deep breath to push down what the experience had reminded her of.

* * *

 

Almost an hour had passed since the incident with the boy and the toy car. The library was still close to empty and Carmilla was once again sitting by the desk and reading a book.

Though, she wasn’t really able to focus on the words, because her mind was stubbornly set on the little boy, Owen, and his mother.

Owen had somehow seemed so familiar to her and she had a strong feeling of that she had met him before. The same was for the mother. She had given Carmilla a way too familiar, unpleasant and alarming feeling and she desperately wished she didn’t know why.

But, she did know why very well.

She slowly closed the book and placed it on to the desk with a sigh.

Owen reminded her of herself as a child. The way he was scared that Carmilla would be mad at him, flinched at her touch and that he was surprised at the kindness Carmilla had shown him.

_He flinched at her touch._

**He did.**

_Do you think what I think?_

**Well, of course I am, it’s pretty impossible for me to not think what you think.**

 Carmilla clenched her jaws as an unpleasant conclusion came to mind and she really hoped that she was wrong about it.

“A penny for your thoughts,“ a familiar voice came from behind her before a pair of arms was wrapped around her and a chin placed on her shoulders.

Carmilla had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed that Laura had walked into the library and up behind her. The brunette quickly let go of her thoughts, smiled and then moved her head to lean it against Laura’s, taking in a deep breath of her sweet scent.

“Hi, cupcake.” Carmilla purred and turned completely around so she could place a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. Laura smiled into the kiss and placed a hand on Carmilla’s cheek, deepening the kiss slightly.

They had only been away from each other since this morning, but Carmilla had been missing the feeling of Laura’s lips on hers so badly. She got so tangled up in her craving for Laura that she forgot they were in the middle of a library for a moment.

“I think that means you’ve missed me,” Laura said with a smile when she had practically forced herself to pull away from the kiss, which had become a bit too heated.

Carmilla smirked, “if you only knew how much.”

“Well, hold that feeling for later,” Laura nuzzled Carmilla’s nose, “because right now, I’m starving and you promised to eat lunch with me today, remember?” Laura said and held up a plastic bag in the air and tilted her head to the side.

“Of course, how could I forget?” Carmilla smiled and stood up to wrap her arm around Laura’s shoulders, before they headed towards the staff’s room.

Today, it had been six months since Laura had stumbled over Carmilla's bag at the café and because of that they were both working all day, they had decided to eat lunch together so they could spend as much time of the day as possible together.

After their regular visit to the café, Carmilla was planning to cook a nice dinner for them and then they'd just lie on the couch, munch on cookies and enjoy having each other close.

* * *

 

“So, what was on your mind earlier?” Laura asked, her mouth filled with food.

“What?” Carmilla looked up at her, a confused expression on her face.

“You looked very absent when I came in. I mean, you didn’t even notice that I did, so what were you thinking about?”

Carmilla took a sip of her drink as her facial expression became more serious, feeding Laura’s curiosity, but it also made her a bit worried.

“Earlier today, there was this little boy. He had accidentally broken one of the toy cars and his mother had forced him to go and confess it to me. God, he was so scared when he told me, he cried and probably thought I was going to get really angry with him.”

Laura pouted a bit. “Oh, poor little guy.”

Carmilla nodded slightly. “Yeah, and then I told him it was okay and you should’ve seen how surprised he looked. It was like he had never experienced anything else but people being angry with him before. We went to get a new toy and then we went back to his mother,” Carmilla made a pause and looked down at the table.

“It was like seeing her again, Laura, my own mother." Carmilla looked up at Laura. "The way she spoke about the boy like he was worth nothing, how angry she was and how she just destroyed his happiness within a second. I almost lost it when I saw how badly she acted.”

Laura rose from her chair and sat down by one besides Carmilla. She then leaned to place a kiss on Carmilla’s cheek, before putting her arm around her.

“He flinched when I touched him and I just felt so helpless, knowing what this boy might go through, but not being able to do something about it.” Carmilla’s voice cracked slightly.

“That is horrible, it really is." Laura could see the sadness in Carmilla's expression, which was a very rare sight.

She knew Carmilla wasn't the one to show her emotions - especially when it came to sadness or any kind of emotion that could make one come off as weak. And she knew Carmilla usually pushed her feelings down and wanted to seem like she didn't care. So, what had happened earlier must've affected her deeply in order for her to not even try to seem untouched by it.

"Hey, look," Laura moved to put some hair behind Carmilla's ear, something they both did whenever they wanted to show extra affection or comfort to each other.

Carmilla looked at Laura, who was looking her right in the eyes. "Carm, you showed this boy that kindness exists and that there are people who care out there, even if they’re strangers. And I don’t think he will ever forget that. He will keep that in mind for the rest of his life and one day, he’ll be free from his mother just like you.”

Carmilla smiled sadly. “I just wish I could do more than that.”

Laura caressed her cheek softly, soothing the disturbing thoughts that went on inside the brunette’s head.

“I know, but you have done a lot for him. Sometimes the smallest things are the ones which end up being the most important. He was very lucky to meet you.”

Carmilla turned to face Laura. “You really mean that?” She whispered.

Laura nodded and smiled lovingly towards her. “You’re the gentlest, kindest and most loving person I’ve ever met, Carm. Even though you might not look like it on the outside most of the time and even though you can be broody and really grumpy sometimes, and most of what comes out of your mouth is cheeky or sarcasm, you’re still one of the best persons I know." Laura moved her hand to give Carmilla's arm a gentle squeeze. "Maybe even the best.”

Carmilla had laughed a bit and smirked towards Laura when she had mentioned Carmilla’s sarcasm and her tendency to be broody. But, it was the sweetest things someone had ever said about her.

It was amazing how Laura always was able to make Carmilla feel better again so quickly. She always knew exactly what to say and do and it was really overwhelming. Of course, she still felt worried about Owen, but she didn’t feel helpless and like she hadn’t done enough for him anymore. Laura always made her feel like she was worth something and like what she did mattered.

“You’re really the best person I’ve ever met too. I love you, Laura, and thank you.” Carmilla said and leaned in to capture Laura’s lips in a slow kiss, one of those which weren’t out of lust, but simply out of the enormous amount of love she felt for Laura.

“It will be okay. I love you too, Carm.” Laura whispered against Carmilla’s lips. Her words floated softly into Carmilla’s mouth, settled up in her mind and they made her feel like that somehow, it would actually be okay. Owen would be okay, just like she had turned out to be okay in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit longer for me to upload than I had expected, but school just hit me really hard. 2016 in genereal hit me really hard to be honest. A lot of shit is happening right now and I’m trying to keep myself up through all of it and keep up in school at the same time. It’s all a mess, but I just want you guys to know that I am not planning on ending this story anytime soon. Even though I’m not having my shit together right now, and it will take some time for me to finish just one chapter, I am demanded to keep this going. I still love writing this story for you, so thank you all for being patient!


	12. Reaching Out For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple stands in front of the (infamous) hair in the shower drain problem. Laura is a tiny ball of rage and unexpected things are said. Carmilla is a romantic sap and has to face new inner obstacles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a new chapter! This is the longest chapter I've ever posted for this story and a lot of things are included, so buckle up for this one creampuffs! I hope it'll make up for the waiting and that you'll enjoy it! :)
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Slowly and steadily, Carmilla opened her eyes.

A few rays of sunlight were seeping through the curtains which were lazily drawn in front of the window in her bedroom - their bright light revealing the dust particles composedly floating through the air.

It was a peaceful and calming sight. Never had Carmilla woken up feeling so calm, and it was an odd, but very nice feeling.

The corner of her lips crooked upwards slightly before she sleepily turned her head around to find the space besides her on the bed empty - like she always did at this time in the morning.  

Just a second later, the sound of running water could be heard from the bathroom. She smiled drowsily and let her heavy eyelids fall over her eyes again – drifting her back to sleep.

“CARM!” Carmilla almost flew out of the bed, hitting her head into the wall behind her in the violent movement.

She groaned loudly at the pain and placed a hand on the back of her aching head, her eyes clenched shut.

“Carmilla Karnstein!” Laura stood in front of the bed, a deep frown on her face.

“Cupcake, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She rubbed the back of her head, "and concussion?” She muttered before she opened her eyes.

Normally, the sight of Laura with only a towel to cover up her body with and drops of water covering skin would’ve been something Carmilla would relish – but the look on Laura’s face was rather alarming and off-putting.

Carmilla fully sat up in the bed slowly, leaning against the wall behind her.  She studied Laura closely, trying to puzzle together why Laura looked so annoyed (and trying very hard not to roam her gaze over her body, knowing that it would probably only exasperate Laura at the moment.)

“There are big chunks of hair in the shower drain, Carm. Dark hair!” Laura exclaimed and folded her arms in front of her chest. Carmilla only raised an eye brow, which made Laura's eyebrows come even closer together as she deepened her frown at Carmilla's lack of reaction.

“Why don’t you clean it?” She asked in a low voice, making it impossible for Carmilla not to not grin. The girl was absolutely adorable when she was mad.

“You’re adorable when you mad, cupcake.” Carmilla teased and accidentally moved her gaze over Laura’s wet body. She was not doing such a great work at maintaining the self-control anymore.

“Carm, I’m serious! It’s unhygienic,” Laura stomped in the ground like a five year old - something she seemed to do rather often when she got upset, along with an adorable bunched up face.

Laura was starting to become really frustrated by that her (very vexatious) girlfriend was not caring at all that there were chunks of hair, huge like freaking rats, in her shower drain.

Instead Carmilla was just making fun of her and eyeing her body with her stupid seductive eyes - probably mapping out every single water drop on her shoulders – like Laura had no idea what she was doing.

Carmilla moved over to the other side of the bed, before she stood up on her knees in front of Laura.

“And also kind of hot.” She murmured and stroked some of Laura’s wet hair behind her ear, before continuing to lightly caress along her jawline, causing Laura to take a hitched breath.

“W-wha...? No! It's not hot!" Laura made a face of slight disgust. "It's gross and I'm serious, Carm.” Laura tried, but failed miserably to sound irritated, because Carmilla’s lustful gaze was burning obnoxiously on the naked skin of her shoulders and upper chest. The brunette knew way too well how it was affecting her.

"Wasn't talking about the shower drain hair, cutie," Carmilla smirked.

Carmilla continued the caressing of Laura’s skin, slowly moving her fingers to graze down her neck and over her collarbone, sending shivers down Laura’s spine.

_She’s so beautiful, look how the sun rays are touching the left side of her face._

Carmilla moved her unoccupied hand to cup Laura’s left cheek, stroking her thumb right under her eye, which was looking straight into her dark brown ones – the light from the sun intensifying its light brown color.

Laura took a deep breath and damned herself a hundred times for letting Carmilla get to her head like this. She was supposed to be mad at her, but in the matter of seconds it had all turned into a burning and stupid arousal.

“Carm,” she breathed, in a last desperate attempt to stop this. But then, Carmilla leaned in to brush her lips against hers ever so slightly and Laura completely lost whatever had been left of her self-control. In a quick movement, she wrapped one of her arms around Carmilla’s neck, pulling herself closer and enveloped the brunette’s lips with her own to deepen the kiss.

Carmilla grinned triumphantly into the kiss, before she moved a hand to place it on Laura’s lower back just above her ass, tugging slightly at the black towel wrapped around her body.

“I’m still mad at you,” Laura mumbled into her lips.

“I know, so use it.” Carmilla grabbed a hold of the towel and ripped it off, revealing every inch of Laura’s wet and now very naked body. She then started to trail sloppy kisses down her neck, biting down at her skin before grazing her tongue over the eventual marks she’d be leaving, earning soft whimpers from Laura.

“God damn it, Carm.” Laura breathed and threw her head backwards when Carmilla moved further down over her collarbones and to her breasts, taking one of her nipples into her mouth, sucking and tugging at it gently.

Laura grabbed a handful of brown hair and a gasp escaped Carmilla’s lips when Laura – not so gently – pulled her head backwards and away from her breasts.

Carmilla looked up at her with a smirk, her gaze almost predatory as she bit down in her lower lip. The sight drove Laura to what felt like insanity.

The oversized T-shirt Carmilla was wearing was quickly dragged over her head and thrown on the floor – leaving Carmilla with nothing but a pair of black boy shorts on – before Laura crashed their bodies together, pinning the brunette down on the bed with her arms above her head.

Then it was Laura’s turn to trace sloppy kisses down Carmilla’s neck. At first she only sucked gently, but then she started using her teeth, causing a high pitched whimper out of the brunette.

For a second, Laura was afraid she had actually hurt Carmilla and she froze mid movement, but a gentle squeeze of her hand followed by a pleading _please,_ reassured her that it was fine. She continued to mark and trail her way down to Carmilla’s bare breasts.

The warmth of Laura’s breath against her nipple made Carmilla squirm out of frustration and she had to fight herself not to arch her whole body up into Laura’s face. Laura was obviously teasing her and it was diving her insane.

Just as she was about to plead Laura to continue for the second time, she enveloped her soft lips around her right nipple. Carmilla couldn’t control herself anymore – her back arched slightly upwards when Laura started switching between sucking and flickering her tongue. A pair of soft moans escaped her when Laura moved her left hand down to give her other breast some attention by kneading it gently.

When she had given Carmilla’s breast the attention they needed, Laura continued trailing downwards with hot and open mouthed kisses. Carmilla was growing more and more impatient for each kiss.

But when Laura reached just above the waistband of her underwear she stopped. She fucking stopped and stood up to look down at a very frustrated and confused Carmilla still lying on the bed. Her chest was raising and falling with her heavy breathing.

“What the hell are you doing?” Carmilla almost hissed and looked up at Laura. A frown of dissatisfaction formed on her forehead when she saw the smug look on Laura’s face.

“I have to get ready for work. Some of us don’t have the luxury of working afternoon shifts on Tuesdays.” Laura said slyly and she couldn’t help the grin which was forming on her lips. Carmilla looked so small and confused – almost identical to the look of a small child whose candy had been taken away.

Laura found it pretty satisfying, that she could make badass Carmilla look so vulnerable. She spun around and proudly strode over to the bureau to grab some clothes. Carmilla sat up and followed her every move.

_She is playing dirty, real dirty._

“You’re so not getting away with this.” Carmilla groaned and dragged her T-shirt over her head.

Laura chuckled and threw a quick grin towards her before sliding a shirt on and a pair of jeans she had left at Carmilla’s apartment only God knows how long ago.

Truthfully, more and more of Laura’s clothes and other various things had found their way to the apartment during the past nine months. A huge amount of her clothes were laying nicely folded in the bottom drawer of the black bureau, which was standing in the corner of Carmilla’s bedroom. Or they were scattered somewhere in the apartment together with Carmilla’s clothes. And last time Laura checked, there were only a few articles of clothing in the furthest back of her wardrobe left.

Carmilla never told Laura when she left clothes at the apartment anymore; she just threw them into the washing machine and then placed them into the drawer.

It was almost like Laura was living there, which Carmilla had actually given a lot of thought during the last couple of months. She really liked having Laura around – roughly to the point where it became a bit frightening and overwhelming to admit, but she just couldn’t help it.

It felt weird and almost melancholy the times Laura didn’t spend the night or accompanied her after their visit to the café. She always found herself missing the company of the adorable tiny girl as soon as they weren't together, like a piece of her was missing. But luckily those times had been growing scarce as time had passed.

“This is your punishment for not cleaning your shower.” Laura said as she dragged her hairbrush through her thick, honey colored hair. “Maybe if you’re nice though, we can continue where we left off when I get home from work.”

They both froze. Laura stopped mid movement, her hair still tangled in her brush. She was just as stunned by her choice of words as Carmilla was. She was staring at Carmilla with widened eyes.

Laura opened and closed her mouth to say something at least a hundred times before she was able to even form any kind of sound.

“Ehm, I mean – It just – It’s just that – I wasn’t – It's not -“ she just kept spitting out random beginnings of sentences, but she couldn’t for the love of everything find the words to form a complete one. "Oh my God," she groaned at herself and threw her head back.

“You’re adorable, buttercup.” Carmilla said as her gaze softened and a little crooked smile formed on her lips.

“It just slipped out of me. Like, I know I don’t live here – but sometimes it kinda feels like I do though, because like almost every piece of clothing I own is here – I just, you know home doesn’t have to be a place, it can be like a feeling, you know? And maybe I kinda feel like you’re home, in a way I guess and maybe I’m just totally overthinking all of this right now, I don’t know it’s just – ” Laura was starting to freak out and it didn’t help at all that Carmilla was just sitting there, staring at her with an amused grin.

“I’ve thought about it too.” Carmilla said when Laura finally went silent and walked up to her, placing her hands on the side of each of her arms. “But first, breathe. Wouldn’t want you to pass out now, wouldn’t we, cupcake?” She smiled.

Laura nodded slightly and took a deep breath, feeling her heart beat slowing down slightly as she let the air out of her lungs slowly.

“There we go,” Carmilla said and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear before she continued. “I’ve thought about it. Yes, your stuff is all over my apartment and you spend more time here than you do at your own place and – “ she paused and broke away from Laura’s gaze, feeling rather self-conscious all of the sudden.

“I like having you around, a lot. It has gone to the point where it feels weird when you’re not here.” She smiled, looking down at her feet.

“I’m not asking you to like, move in with me right away. But – “ she let go of Laura’s arms and walked to retrieve something from the upper drawer of one of the nightstands that stood beside the bed.

“I got this about a week ago, but I didn’t really know for sure if you’d want it.” Carmilla said when she had walked up to Laura again, now holding a silver key in her hand.

Laura stared down at the key for a good moment before she looked up at Carmilla again, that big sunshine smile – which Carmilla had fallen embarrassingly quickly for when they had first met – on her face.

“Really?” She breathed and took the key from Carmilla’s hands carefully, like it was something sacred and fragile.

“Yeah,” Carmilla smiled. “I mean it’s just so you won’t have to sit outside my door and wait for me when I work afternoon shifts. Now you could just let yourself in.” Carmilla shrugged and grinned playfully at Laura’s narrowed eyes.

“You jerk, it was one time,” she said and nudged Carmilla lightly on the shoulder, causing a smirk to form on the brunette’s lips. Laura rolled her eyes, but then she smirked back at her.

“I really meant it though. I like having you around, Laura.” Carmilla said and the second later, Laura threw her arms around Carmilla’s neck in a very tight hug, which took Carmilla a bit by surprise.

“Well, if I knew you’d be this happy, I’d given you that key much earlier.” Carmilla joked and wrapped her arms around her waist with a chuckle.

“I really enjoy being around you too.” Laura mumbled into her brown curls, making it impossible for Carmilla not to smile widely.

They stood like that for a while, processing what just had happened and enjoying the moment. Enjoying having each other close and the thought of that they were taking a step towards being even closer than before.

Carmilla clung tighter around Laura at the thought, breathing in the scent of her hair and the skin on her neck, which left her knees weak and a feeling of lightness in her head. She wanted to feel like this always, for the rest of her life.

Suddenly, there was a vague stinging feeling in her stomach, which she had grown more familiar to the last few months.

She was finally truly happy; happier than she has ever been in her entire life. But the last couple of months, she hadn’t been able to stop the feeling of that it was almost too good to be true. She just couldn’t avoid the fear of that this would be taken away from her - just like it had been taken away from her before - to grow every time she caught herself acknowledging that she was happy.

True happiness was something she close to never had experienced previously in her life and on the very few occasions when it had found itself to her it had been ripped away and disappeared just as she reached out to grab it. After that, she had always felt afraid to fully let herself embrace happiness, knowing that if she did, it’d disappear.

Carmilla knew she should be overwhelmed with happiness; she should be floating of the ground because of what was happening right now and for a moment actually had, before her stupid head decided to butt in once again.

When around Laura, she often found herself letting go of her fears for a while. But, they would always be there in the back of her mind, eating and ripping on her reached out arms, reminding her that if she reached too far, something bad would happen.

She couldn’t lose Laura, she just couldn’t. Laura had become more than everything to her in just the matter of months, and as much as Carmilla hated the cheesiness of it, Laura had become the light of her life. She couldn’t bear to lose her.

Carmilla sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down hardly, trying to prevent her thoughts from ruining this moment. She didn’t want to ruin the moment for Laura, just because she couldn’t control her emotions.

Deep brown eyes met light brown ones when they let go of each other after what seemed like forever. Laura was absolutely radiating joy, she was glowing – and so was that really wide smile of hers, which only seemed to be on her face when around Carmilla.

“I wish I didn’t have to, but I gotta head to work.” Laura whispered and placed a lingering kiss on a silent Carmilla’s cheek.

Carmilla let out an inaudible sigh, trying to gain some control over herself, so Laura wouldn’t notice how roughly the gears were turning inside her head as her thoughts were spinning around in a big mess.

“Have a great day, cupcake.” Carmilla forced the smile that was already present on her lips a bit bigger, giving Laura even less hints of what was going on inside her head.

“I’ll be here when you get home.” Laura said, her eyes shined even brighter as she did. Then she waltzed towards the front door and put on her jacket and shoes.

She turned around to blow a goodbye kiss towards the brunette, who had followed her to stand in the doorway between the living room and the hallway, as she opened the door.

Carmilla chuckled and blew one back, then wrinkled her nose slightly at how grossly sweet and in love they were acting –and how much she was actually enjoying it.

“Don’t rob me of anything else than my heart.” She said and winked towards Laura, who was on her way further out the door. Laura turned around with a raised eye brow.

“Carmilla Karnstein, the biggest sap of them all. Who knew?” Laura giggled lightly and closed the door, leaving Carmilla sanding in silence in the hallway.

_Oh, look at that grin on your face; someone would actually assume you are in love with her._

**Wouldn’t be an incorrect assumption.**

_You’re absolutely whipped._

**Shut up, I am not.**

_You are, look at what she is doing to you._

**Is it such a bad thing?**

_Well, you tell me. You know that I know everything that goes on in your head, right?_

**Right.**

_You know what I think?_

**Yeah I do. I always know what you think, stupid.**

_Stop worrying so damn much._

**Stop worrying. If it only was that easy, I would.**

_Nothing is easy, unless you make it easy, and you are definitely not._

**Make it easy. How do I make this easy?**

_Allow yourself to be happy._

**Allow myself… That’s what you call easy?**

_You have a pretty damn good reason to be happy and sooner or later, Laura will notice that you’re hiding something and you know she will demand an explanation._

**Yeah, I know she will.**

_You’d be a fool to let this start slipping through your hands for the second time, just because of something that happened a long time ago._

**You know what happened. It’s not something you easily forget.**

_Just stop overthink when you’re happy. She isn’t here anymore, it won’t happen again._

**I know that she isn’t, but it can still happen in another way. The world is funny like that. Thanks for reminding me by the way.**

_Oh, stop it now! You remind yourself every day without my help, by pushing away your happiness. Go back to bed now, it’s like 7:30 and I’m tired of you._

**Whatever.**

Carmilla sighed and ran her hand though her brown locks. She then moved back towards the bed, dragging her feet on the hardwood floor, before throwing herself face down on the bed with a loud sigh.

The thoughts were violently twirling and spinning around in her head, causing a heavily pounding from the inside of her skull.

She rolled over to lie on her back with a groan, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to sort out some of the mess going on in her head.

Laura makes her extremely happy, yes, there is absolutely no denying that. Carmilla would never be able to push away the joy and the light Laura that had put into her life.

She had already come to the conclusion that opening up to Laura wasn’t a bad thing, even if it was hard and sometimes scary, it allowed Laura’s light further into her life. And it was taking over Carmilla, not the other way around.

Despite overcoming the fear of that she would destroy Laura with the darkness that haunted her past, Carmilla was still feeling apprehensive. Her head always found another ways to destroy things for her, by creating other insecurities and fears as soon as the current one had been eliminated.

She was now afraid of that the happiness and light she had let into her life would disappear, be taken away from her, like everything else. That’s why she didn’t allow herself to fully embrace it at times. Reminding herself that she has to be able to live without it, if it one day would disappear.

It was a really self-destructive thought and she already knew with every atom of her being that no matter how much she tried to remind herself, she wouldn't be able to push Laura away again. Despite her being afraid, she couldn’t help but to keep on pulling Laura further into her life. It was like an addiction and it made her even more frightened. She had no control over herself.

She needed to have control over herself, over something.

“I don’t want to be afraid," she mumbled for no one to hear but herself.

She needed to have control over her fears.

“I’m not going to be afraid.”

* * *

 

It was 5 p.m. Laura had finished her shift at the newspaper for the day and was now standing outside the very familiar front door to Carmilla’s apartment. Though something didn’t feel familiar at all – she was without the company of Carmilla.

The little key, which she had held a in a tight grip during the whole walk from the newspaper office to the apartment, was now held up in front of her, ready to unlock the door.

She just stared at it for a moment. Why was she feeling nervous? She had been at Carmilla’s apartment a thousand times before, it’s not like it would suddenly have changed just because she was there alone.

Slowly she shook her head and brought the key to the lock. With a small klick it opened and she took a step inside, closing the door behind her.

Everything looked like it used to, but being in the apartment alone felt strange, very strange – it was so quiet.  It felt strange not having Carmilla standing beside her.

If Carmilla had been there, she would – without doubt – have spit out one of her snarky comments about how Laura was just standing motionless in the hallway, staring into the apartment like a frightened deer which was about to cross a busy highway. The thought made Laura grin and relax a little bit.

* * *

 

The first thing Laura saw when she finally had been able to get her jacket off and move further into the apartment, was a notecard standing on the coffee table in front of the couch. Her name was neatly written on it.

Laura rolled her eyes at the sweetness of the gesture as she picked up the card. It was Carmilla’s handwriting alright, and she couldn’t help but to smile.

Carmilla might like to think she is all cool and mysterious with her sarcasm, broodiness and lack of facial expressions other than a smug smirk or a frown – bur really – deep inside, she was the biggest romantic sap ever and she didn’t even know it. Or she just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

The latter one being the most likely, Laura thought immediately. Of course Carmilla didn’t want to admit that she was a softie – that she was a softie for her.

She couldn’t help but to feel warmth grow in her stomach, knowing that she was the only one who got to fully see this side of Carmilla. She opened and started to read the note.

_Cupcake,_

_I hope you’re not feeling too precarious without me there. If you do, I bought you some chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa to help you cope with that; they’re on the counter in the kitchen. Just don’t shove them down your throat all at once, I know you have a habit of basically inhaling those sugar bombs._

Laura snorted and rolled her eyes so far back, they could’ve probably gotten stuck there. Though, Carmilla wasn’t incorrect. She did have a (rather unhealthy) obsession for the delicious cookies, but she wasn’t planning on overcoming that obsession any time soon, so she was thankful that Carmilla had bought her some. She continued reading, a little smile still on her lips.

_I gave you that key for a reason, so feel free to make yourself at home – not that you have had the issue of doing so before – even though I’m not there. Which also means that yes, you can use my Netflix to watch your ridiculous TV shows, like that Doctor what’s his face – crap._

_I’ll be home at 9 with pizza, so don’t get any ideas of cooking dinner today, or like ever again. And no, I will never forget that incident, buttercup, my kitchen has been traumatized ever since._

_I’ll also have you know that I have cleaned out the stupid shower drain, so I expect full atonement for what happened this morning ;)_

_I love you._

_-Carmilla_

When she was done reading, Laura was staring at the note with a ridiculously wide grin on her face. She decided to read it again, because she was already missing Carmilla’s company, before she went out into the kitchen. The cookies and the cocoa were sitting on the counter, just like Carmilla had promised.

She could get used to this. She could very much get used to this.


	13. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla plays hide and seek with her siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, another Carmilla background chapter! This one is set when Carmilla is about 10 years old, which means it’s before the chapter when she ran away with Mattie.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Eighty-seven, eighty-eight, eighty-nine. “Ninety, here I come!”

She ran from where she had stood – her head pressed against the wall – in the middle of the long corridor. She ran as fast as her short legs would carry her down the big staircase, which led her down from the two corridors –both on each side of the big staircase – down to the main entrance hall.

Carmilla stopped right under the crystal chandelier, which hung low from the ceiling. She stood in front of two options, left or right.

Left would take her to the grand dining room, the kitchen and last the basement area. Right on the other hand led to the living room, which was connected with the library and her mother’s study.

Her mother wasn’t at home (she was probably out with some of her clients or doing other boring grown up things), but none of her siblings would ever dare to set a foot inside the study – not even with their mother’s permission – so the probability that they were in there was very small.

**Which way do I go?**

_I’d say left, but maybe Will is hiding behind the curtains in the library again?_

**I doubt it; he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.**

_Perhaps not, he did almost get the curtain-rod in his head._

Carmilla chuckled at the memory of her brother entangled under the massive curtains, unable to find his way out. She shook her head a bit and then she headed left.

There weren’t many places you could hide inside the dining room, except for under the long dining table. The long table cloth which reached down to the floor would make sure you were hidden, but it was a very obvious hiding spot and she knew her siblings were smarter than that. So, she continued into the kitchen without even looking.

* * *

 

The kitchen staff didn’t question the presence of the little brown haired girl, for they knew very well what was going on. They just moved out of the way – as quickly as they could manage – when she came darting around the counters and shelves like an arrow. Some of them rolled their eyes, some chuckled and some gave her an annoyed look. But they all continued their work like before.

Mattie usually hid in the kitchen area or the laundry room, so she searched the whole kitchen very carefully. She checked inside every cabinet, inside the big pots – definitely big enough to hold a fourteen year old – inside the pantry and even inside the oven. It should’ve been called ransacking rather than searching, because when the little girl darted out the kitchen, there were pots and pans all over the floor. Cabinet doors were left open and all the things which had previously been inside them were scattered all over the floor.

As soon as Carmilla had left, the kitchen staff hurried to clean up the mess. If her mother ever saw the kitchen in the state little Carmilla often left it during their games of hide and seek, she wouldn’t let anyone go without punishment. Carmilla was yet too young to understand that there would be consequences, unless they actually came.

The little girl knew very well that her mother never thought twice about punishing her for mischievousness she previously had caused (like painting on walls and pouring milk over her brother), but not for the ones she didn’t even knew she caused. During all these years the service staff had saved the little girl by cleaning up the mess she left behind her when her mother wasn’t at home. If they didn’t, Carmilla would soon come to know what they already knew would happen. She would never be able to play these games she loved so much with her siblings again.

* * *

 

After half an hour of searching she finally found Mattie, who – no surprise – had hidden inside the laundry room. Mattie liked to find every possible way to hide inside a room before she tried another one.

“You haven’t found William yet?” she asked as she struggled to get out of the tumble drier she had hidden inside, which stood on top of two watching machines.

Carmilla watched her sister with wide eyes, trying to puzzle together how she even got up there in the first place. It seemed like the tumble dryer was a hundred meters above the ground to the small girl. But then again, her older sister did many things which always seemed to amaze Carmilla. She looked up to her sister more than anyone else and in her eyes, Mattie could do anything – she was invincible – like a superhero.

“Not yet.” Carmilla said as Mattie ruffled her brown locks when she had finally managed to climb out of the tumble drier. Carmilla smiled up at her sister.

“Strange, he usually isn’t that hard to find. You never find me before him.” Mattie said with an expression on her face which revealed that she was in deep thought. Carmilla studied her with big, brown eyes.

“Where have you searched so far?” she asked, almost as if she was a bit irritated that their little brother had managed to find a better hiding spot than her, and looked down at Carmilla.

“I’ve searched in the kitchen – because you usually hide there – in the basement, your room, my room, Will’s room too, but maybe not that closely, because who would hide in their own room? And also in the living room, the library and the bathrooms.” Carmilla listed all the places she had been in a rapid ramble.

“Alright darling, remember to breathe. We will just have to find our little brother together.” Mattie said and let out a small chuckle

Mattie might’ve only been fourteen, but her manners and the way she spoke could easily fool anyone that she was older than that. An old soul trapped in a young body, the service staff used to say about her. It was of course not meant in offence. Everyone liked Mattie; she was a charmer by nature and seemed to be able to please everyone, even their mother.

 Her big sister was actually a lot like their mother. She always seemed untouched by her surroundings – mysterious in a way – she was well-spoken, always chose her words carefully, spoke like she knew what she was talking about and she was smart. But, there was of course a distinct difference between Mattie and their mother.

Unlike their mother, Mattie didn’t use kindness solely to manipulate people. She would never hurt anyone she loved and she didn’t act like she was above everyone else. Mattie was charming, wise and most importantly, she was kind to Carmilla. Their mother on the other hand was manipulative, cruel and hated the idea of not being in control. Mother was smart, because she knew how to get into peoples’ heads. Mattie was smart because she knew how to not let mother get into her head.

* * *

 

“Do you have any suggestion where he might be hiding?” Mattie said as they left the laundry room. Carmilla had immediately grabbed Mattie’s hand as they started walking; her sister had given her a white smile and squeezed her tiny hand, which made Carmilla feel safe in a second.

Carmilla shook her head, her brown curls sweeping from side to side as she did. Mattie hummed and stopped in front of the big staircase.

“Alright,” she began as soon as they stopped. “We know he is not in any of the rooms you’ve been inside. That means we do not actually have a lot of rooms left to check. We have some broom closets, the spare bedrooms and – “ she looked down at her little sister, who knew exactly what Mattie was about to say.

“He wouldn’t,” Carmilla gasped and widened her eyes. Mattie didn’t seem as frightened by the idea as Carmilla; she saw it as a challenge rather than danger. Carmilla only saw it as danger, pure danger.

“It’s not impossible. Will is mother’s little angel, he knows mother would never lay a hand on him. Not even if he went into her study. If he is as clever as I suspect, I’d bet he is in there.” Carmilla gulped and tightened her grip around Mattie’s hand.

“I don’t want to go in there Mattie. We’ll give up, he wins and – “

“Oh, don’t be silly, darling. Mother is not here, she’ll never know. We’ll just go inside and grab him, and then victory will be ours.” That was easy for Mattie to say, she wasn’t the one who would get punished if mother found out. Carmilla would like to believe that Mattie was right about their mother never finding out, but no one could help her if she did find out, not even Mattie. Their mother did have a way of always finding things out.

_C’mon, do it. You can trust Mattie. You’ll just go in and get Will and out again._

“I don’t know,” Carmilla said and shifted a bit uncomfortably from where she stood beside Mattie in front of the large wooden door, which led into the study.

“Carm, it’ll be alright. We need to do this now before mother comes home.” Mattie said in a soft voice, gripping the doorknob and turning it slowly.

Mattie was the only one who called her Carm (and Carmilla too, for that matter), but she was also the only one who knew she preferred to be called that. She didn’t want the name mother had given to her; she hated it and she hated that it gave her the feeling of being her mother’s property. You name things you own and Carmilla owned herself.

“William, we know you’re in here and you know we’re not supposed to be,” Mattie said as she entered the room, Carmilla close behind.

The room was dark; it took some seconds for their eyes to adjust to it. The walls in the study were covered in tall bookshelves, except for the one on the opposite side of the room from where they were standing. On that wall, three large windows were hidden behind thick curtains – red as blood – which didn’t let any light seep through. In the middle of the study stood a wooden desk, a computer screen was placed on top of it right in the middle and a chair in front of it, placed so it was facing the door.

Mattie closed the door behind them – the light klick sound enough to make a frightened Carmilla jump – before she started searching for Will.

Carmilla stood frozen a few steps away from the desk, not daring to take a one more step further into the room she’d been – very strictly and clearly – told to never enter. Mattie didn’t acknowledge her, she just continued her search.

“William, I swear to God, you know we aren’t supposed to be in here.” Mattie hissed and looked under the desk before moving towards the windows.

“Maybe he isn’t in here. Please Mattie, I don’t like this, let’s –“ Carmilla said in a small voice, but was interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She sucked in a quick breath and held it, shutting her eyes closed as she felt the panic rise.

“You two are really bad at searching.” The voice came from a boy and – thank the gods – not from whom Carmilla had immediately feared it was.

Mattie walked up to her younger siblings, her gaze sharply aimed at the younger boy. “You _know_ we aren’t allowed to be in here. Fool, are you trying to get us killed?”

Will shrugged. “You didn’t have to come looking for me; you could’ve just let me win.” He said and smiled innocently. Mattie raised an eye brow towards him and snorted.

“You’re an idiot.” Carmilla said with a frown. “Now let’s go before – “  she turned around, her stomach immediately dropping when she saw a familiar figure standing in the doorway.

“Before what, darling?” the tall figure said in a stickily sweet voice and took a step inside. “Before you get caught?” the person hummed and smiled a smile so cold it could instantly freeze Carmilla’s veins into ice.

The little girl shuddered and shifted uncomfortably under her mother’s harsh gaze, which was now solely aimed at her. She bit down her lip – hard enough to draw blood – and forced herself to keep her head high and back straight, no matter how uncomfortable the older woman’s stare made her feel.

* * *

 

“Mother – “ Mattie breathed and gripped Carmilla’s shoulder firmly.

“Hush, I’d like to have a word with Mircalla.” Carmilla almost cringed at the usage of the name she despised so much.

Mattie ducked her head and nodded slightly, she knew better than to try defending her little sister.

(Not because of that she would end up being in trouble as well if she did, but because Carmilla’s punishment would instead end up harsher. Their mother knew very well that it was a very effective way to make sure her older sister obeyed, which she had made sure they learned the hard way.)

Mattie squeezed her shoulder softly in an attempt to comfort her little sister, but it was to no use, Carmilla knew what was coming for her and there was nothing that could bring her comfort now.

“Yes, mother.” Mattie sighed and let her hand slide off Carmilla’s shoulder before she left, shoving Will harshly in front of her. Then the door closed.

Carmilla felt the hair on her neck rise; her heart was beating faster for every second that passed and she fought to keep her gaze glued on her mother, she didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of getting under her skin too quickly.

“So,” her mother said as she walked past her so closely, it made Carmilla’s breath to hitch.

She stopped in front of the desk and placed her hand firmly on top of it, her other hand pinching the bridge of her nose. “Why do you do this to me?” she said in a sharp voice.

Carmilla didn’t answer, she just stared out into the empty space where her mother had stood before.

“Why are you so disobedient?” Carmilla opened her mouth to answer, but only managed to get out – what sounded like – a squeaking sound before her mother shot her head around and stared at her back.

“You know, Mircalla, I’ve learned not to expect too much of you, but I did not expect this.”

“I’m sorry, mother,” Carmilla managed to get out in a much smaller voice than she’d intended too, but the little courage she had left was failing her. “It wasn’t my fault, William was hiding in here and – “ Carmilla turned around to face her mother.

“Are you blaming your little brother for your faults? Is that really what you’re trying to do?” her mother took a step towards her and automatically Carmilla took one backwards.

“You are the older one; you’re supposed to tell him what is right and what is wrong. It’s _your_ responsibility to make sure he does not do anything he isn’t supposed to,” she took yet another step forward and Carmilla one back. “ _You_ are to blame here, can’t you see that? You failed to make sure your younger brother did the right thing.” she walked closer, Carmilla still backing up as she did.

“I am starting to believe you have forgotten how to separate right from wrong. And what happens when you are misbehaving; maybe you need to be enlightened.” Carmilla’s back hit the door, she had nowhere to go.

“No, please,” she whimpered when her mother grabbed her wrist in a tight hold. “I’m s-sorry.” her voice became unsteady as she tried to chock down her sobs. She knew very well what her mother had in mind, she knew what was coming for her.

“You seem to have an endless supply of your disappointing behaviors. When will you ever learn?”

_Never._

Carmilla gasped loudly when the back of her mother’s hand hit cheek, a burning pain quickly following it. Her head was turned to the side and she was staring open mouthed down at the floor, trying to catch her breath.  The tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She swallowed hardly in attempt to stop them.

“You know what this means, you misbehaving.” Her mother said and opened the door behind Carmilla, still holding her wrist in a firm grip. Mattie and Will were nowhere to be seen, probably hiding up on their rooms.

“Please,” Carmilla whimpered. “I have learned my lesson, I promise! I will never let it happen again.” she couldn’t stop herself from crying anymore, tears started to roll down her pale cheeks.

“You are too dumb for your own good. Your begging won’t help, so shut your foolish mouth.” her mother chuckled wickedly and dragged her out of the study towards the big staircase. Carmilla – usually – knew better than to fight against her mother, but as she had grown older and bigger, her mother’s ultimate punishment had become more insufferable.

She threw her body backwards with all the force her small body could manage to gather.

“Stop resisting Mircalla, you know it is not going to make things better for yourself.” The grip around her wrist tightened. Carmilla winced at the pain, but her mother pulled her back forcefully.

When they had walked up the staircase, they stopped in front of the – much too familiar – door at the end of the corridor on the second floor. Her mother opened it and dragged Carmilla inside. Panic overtook every cell in her body when she saw the only thing she feared more than her mother.

_Don''t be afraid, I’ll be here with you, always._

Her body was tingling with adrenaline, a loud ringing in her ears and she was very convinced her heart was about to jump out her throat from the speed it was beating in. She could already feel how the air was being sucked out of her lungs and the feeling of the wooden walls creeping closer around her.

“No!” she screamed and tried to get out of her mother’s grip, but there was really no point in trying. Her mother would always be stronger. She was fiercely thrown down on hard wooden ground, her head hitting it with a loud thud.

Then it all turned familiarly black and silent.

* * *

 

With a loud, high pitched gasp Carmilla shot herself up into a sitting position. Cold sweat was running down her back and she was panting. She dragged her fingers thought her dark curls and tried to take some deep breaths, resting her forehead against the palm of her hand.

_You’re in your bed room, you’re safe._

She closed her eyes, continuing her attempt at taking deep breaths.

Not until she heard a muffled sound and felt someone shift beside her, Carmilla was fully taken back to reality. She turned her head and looked down at the tiny woman lying beside her. “Hey,” she whispered and pushed herself up on her elbows.

“Hey,” Carmilla breathed.

Laura smiled softly – a bit sadly – towards her. “Another nightmare?” Carmilla nodded slightly and sighed.

It was different now. They didn’t occur nearly as frequently as before and they weren’t as intense, but they were still enough to wake her up – dripping in sweat and gasping for air – in the middle of the night. They had also changed, because the nightmare she had dreamt over and over again since she was young was no longer there. It had been replaced by more specific scenarios. But they all ended the same.

_The coffin._

Carmilla shuddered and moved to lay down, facing Laura. The lamp standing on one of the nightstands was lit (they had figured out it helped Carmilla feel less panicked when she woke up from a nightmare, to not be surrounded by total darkness), its light touching most of Laura’s face, revealing gentle light brown eyes. They were looking back at Carmilla, which made her feel instantly calmer.

Laura moved to caress her pale cheek, then stroking dark curls behind her ear. A sudden glimpse of seriousness played across her face and she tucked her lower lip between her teeth, something Carmilla had noticed she did whenever she had something on her mind or something she wanted to say.

“I hate to see you suffer like this, Carm.” Laura whispered, moving her hand back to caress Carmilla’s cheek again in soothing, circular movements. Carmilla answered with a slight nod, because she could see Laura wasn’t done yet.

“Maybe you should go see someone about it?” she said after a moment, immediately scanning Carmilla’s face for a reaction.

Carmilla only blinked towards her, a mix of different expressions forming on her face. At first she had looked a bit shocked, almost offended. But her expression softened quickly –realizing that Laura only meant well – and then her face fell into a deep frown. Laura could see the gears turning inside her head and she waited patiently for Carmilla to get her head around it.

What Laura didn’t know was that Carmilla had thought about getting help a lot during her life, long before she even met Laura, but she had never managed to make herself do it. Now she was even more unsure than before.

How was she supposed to just open up to a complete stranger, when she already had a hard time opening up to Laura, who she had grown to trust more than anyone? She simply couldn’t see the point in even trying. And Laura had helped her so much already; did she really need more than that? Did she deserve more?

Carmilla took a long time to think and after a while, Laura started to look rather worried at her lack of response. She sighed and smiled softly. “I’ll think about it.” It wasn’t a complete lie, she would think about it, because she already had been before.

Laura nodded slightly and smiled understandingly back at her, she didn’t want to push Carmilla into something she didn’t want. And even though the answer hadn’t been a yes, it wasn’t a no either, so that was good enough for Laura.

“That’s good that you will,” she said and moved a bit closer. “Just know that whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you just as much.” she placed a lingering kiss on Carmilla’s forehead.

Carmilla didn’t answer; she just snuggled into Laura’s chest with a little, tired sigh and planted a kiss on her neck. Laura wrapped her arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Soon they were both drifting back to sleep – a peaceful sleep.


	14. It’s All Fun and Games (Until Someone Gets Hurt)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend of the annual spring fairground has arrived and Laura really wants to go. Carmilla? Well, not as much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have a sad message for you. I know that I said I had planned to continue this fic for a long time, but sadly I just don't have time nor the energy for it anymore. Therefore, this chapter will be the last chapter. If you want to know more about why I made this decision, please go to the notes at the end of this chapter.
> 
> There are high risks of grammatical errors and misspellings, because my native language is Swedish and not English. I am of course doing my very best to make sure they are as few as possible, but just keep that in mind while reading. Constructive feedback and criticism is always welcome though!

Ever since Laura had gotten a key to her apartment, things had become a bit different. Carmilla had of course expected it; she knew everything wasn’t going to stay the same when another person got access to live in your home. But the thing was that the change wasn’t quite in the way she had imagined it to be, but rather the other way around.

Her apartment was actually – gasp – messier than it used to be. She would’ve never believed it could be possible, if it wasn’t for that she was witnessing it with her very own eyes.

There were literally old cookie packets – some of them not even finished – all over the place. A mountain of cookie crumbs in her couch, empty grape soda cans everywhere, and… Was that a can of bear spray standing on her coffee table?

Carmilla sighed and shook her head. And Laura had been the one to complain about a bit of hair in the shower drain. This was like being thrown right back into a college dorm. She then imagined that Laura's dorm in college must've looked something in style with this and she couldn’t help but to feel sorry for whomever had been her roommate back then. There were just the peanut butter jars missing in here.

Carmilla walked out into the kitchen, placing her bag besides the couch on the way.

No actually, erase that. They’re not missing at all, just hiding inside the kitchen.  Carmilla rolled her eyes and filled a glass of water from the tap. She took a large sip and felt a light tingle in her fingers as she surveyed the kitchen. She actually felt a small urge to clean this mess up.

_What’s wrong with you, you don’t do cleaning._

**But look at this mess, not even cause this big of a mess.**

_I recall you have, quite a few times._

**Oh well, this is different.**

_I don’t really see how_ **–**

A familiar ringtone started playing. Carmilla placed the glass on the counter and quickly walked out into the living room to her bag.

“Where the hell are you,” she mumbled and threw the stuff – quite violently – around in her bag, before she managed to find her phone. She held it up to check who was calling. _Cupcake_ with a purple heart besides it was displayed on the screen. A little smile played across Carmilla’s lips as she slid to answer the call.

“Hey cupcake,” she said in a soft voice.

“Carm, guess what!” Laura squealed on the other end. Carmilla chuckled at the ball of energy she called her girlfriend.

“The annual spring fairground is being set up right now, it starts tomorrow,” she continued without giving Carmilla an actual chance to guess. Carmilla swore she could catch the extreme excitement in Laura’s voice in her hand if she tried. Unfortunately though, she didn’t quite share her girlfriend’s obvious enthusiasm for the fairground. She kind of despised it.

“My dad and I usually go together every year, it’s like a tradition we have, but he is busy this year. So, I was thinking, why don’t you and I go instead?” Laura said, and then there was silence. Carmilla was painfully aware that she was being a major buzzkill right now.

“I’m honored that you want to spend this tradition with me instead of your dad, cupcake, but fairgrounds aren’t really my kind of thing,” Carmilla said and bit her lip.

“C’mon Carm, it’ll be fun, I swear,” Laura almost whined on the other end. Carmilla clearly forgot for a second that Laura is the most stubborn person in the world and she wouldn’t give up without a fight. She could basically feel Laura pouting through the phone and she let out a little sigh. “I don’t know –“ she didn’t know how to continue, but luckily Laura did that for her.

“Okay, what about this. We go and if you still think it’s absolutely horrible after an hour, we can leave and we’ll do whatever you want to do,” she said. Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “ _Whatever_ I want to do?” she asked, and she knew Laura had rolled her eyes at the suggestive tone in her voice.

“Yes Carm, whatever you want to do.” Laura said in a pretty equally suggestive tone. Carmilla smirked widely and had to bite down her tongue to prevent the next thing which came into her mind from slipping out of her mouth. (Laura already knew exactly what she meant, no need to push buttons.)

She took a deep breath. “Okay deal,” she said, then was immediately forced to remove her phone from her ear to prevent herself from getting hearing impairment from the loud, high pitched squeal Laura made the second after. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Laura chanted and Carmilla couldn’t help but to smile. Laura was immensely (maybe a bit annoyingly, but immensely) adorable after all.

* * *

 

Carmilla came to regret their deal the second they stepped inside the fairground, which had been set up on the big field located on the outskirts of the town, the next evening.

“Alright creampuff,” she sighed. “You have one hour to convince me this isn’t torture.” Laura looked up at her, a big smile present on her lips. Her light brown eyes were radiating excitement. Carmilla found herself thinking Laura looked very beautiful in the dim light coming from the fairy lights, which were hanging above them, going from stand to stand. 

Carmilla had never seen Laura beam like this before. It was incredibly captivating and the sight alone might’ve been enough to start convincing her this wasn’t such a bad idea, though that was nothing she would admit aloud (not yet at least. She wouldn’t bend that easily).

“Trust me, I will.” Laura said and linked their arms together, tugging slightly for Carmilla to move forward. Carmilla rolled her eyes and was answered by a light nudge in the side from Laura’s elbow, but she then started walking without further protests.

“So, my dad and I always start with some basketball throwing, just to get the spirit and adrenaline up a bit,” Laura said and dragged Carmilla towards the basketball stand, giving Carmilla no chance to say anything against it. “I’m not the greatest at it though, my dad usually wins. But, now I might actually have a chance,” she glanced up at Carmilla and pursed her lips in a mischievous smile.

Carmilla snorted. “How do you know I’m not amazing at throwing basketballs?” she said, sounding a bit offended. That was exactly what Laura had been aiming for though; to get Carmilla into a competitive mode.

“Well, let’s see what you got then, broody.” Laura said as she paid for the both of them before Carmilla even got the chance to start thinking about paying.  

“You ready?” Laura said as she picked up her first ball, making herself ready to throw.  She shot a glance at Carmilla, who was grinning wickedly back at her. “Buckle up creampuff; I’m going to beat your ass.”

* * *

 

“It was _one_ point! You got one point more than me. It’s not that big of a deal,” Laura groaned as they walked further into the fairground. She swore if Carmilla kept that smug smirk on her face for a second longer, she’d leave her right there and then. Or maybe kiss it off her stupid face. She hadn’t decided yet which one would be most satisfying.

(Of course she went with the kiss.)

Laura stopped, grabbed Carmilla by the arm and spun her around, bringing their bodies close together. The sudden – not very gentle – movement had made Carmilla let out a small yelp in surprise.

 “Hello there,” Carmilla hummed when she realized what Laura was doing and grabbed a hold around Laura’s waist. She looked down at Laura, the smirk once again firmly on her lips. That stupid (but oh, so attractive) smirk. Laura stood up on her toes and crashed their lips together, determined to wipe it right of the brunette’s face.

“You know, that whole _doing whatever I want to do_ might be beneficial for us both,” Carmilla mumbled against Laura’s warm and soft lips. Laura took a step back. “Nope! Absolutely not, we’re staying,” she said and shook her head. However, she couldn’t help but to mimic the grin Carmilla was giving her, because the same thought might’ve teased Laura in the back of her mind for a second there. But no, they were going to stay.

Carmilla shrugged. “It was worth a try.” Laura gave her a look which said _fair enough_ and then she grabbed Carmilla’s hand, lacing their fingers together. The thought of how perfectly her hand fit in the other woman’s did not go unnoticed and it made her blush embarrassedly much. She desperately hoped Carmilla wouldn’t notice and believe it was because of… inappropriate thoughts.

“So, what’s the next step on your master plan of convincing?” Carmilla said in a mocking tone as they continued walking. “Has it worked so far?” Laura asked back. Carmilla grinned at her and unlaced their fingers so she could place her arm around Laura’s shoulders, pulling the tiny woman slightly closer to her. “I’m not that easily convinced cupcake,” that was a lie; a big fat lie. Roughly twenty minutes had passed and she was actually having a really good time. She was sure Laura could convince her into anything in under an hour.  

“But I guess you’re on the right way.” Carmilla caught Laura smiling widely in pride in the corner of her eyes. She had to bite her lip and look away for a moment in order to not smile herself and give away her acting.

_You are the most whipped girl who has ever been whipped._

“We’re definitely playing more games. I refuse to leave until I’ve beaten you at least one time.” Laura said and pointed towards a stand with yet another typical fairground game.

Carmilla smirked. “Game on, buttercup.”

* * *

 

She didn’t win a single game. Not a single one out of what felt like at least fifty of them. Though, Laura wasn’t actually that upset. She only acted like she was upset, because it was all a part of her grand master plan.

She would behave all confident and competitive – that not being much of an act – then intentionally lose and get upset about it (which Carmilla would enjoy mocking her about very much). She knew from her own experiences that being grumpy because of constantly losing games wouldn’t make Carmilla want to stay. But the opposite would.

(Her dad used to pull this act when Laura was a teenager and went through a phase of _going to the fairground is lame and boring_. She absolutely wouldn’t have admitted it to him back then, but it had worked big time. She wasn’t going to lie; her dad was kind of a genius.)

The act was indeed working just as effectively on a twenty-four year old Carmilla. Losing a couple of games to be able to see this – much unexpected – side of Carmilla was definitely worth it. And it was a sight alright. Carmilla looked like a proud puppy walking besides Laura, a giant stuffed plush panther in her arms.

“So, you like giant black cats, huh?” Laura asked and glanced at her girlfriend. My god, did she look ridiculously cute with that stuffed animal in her arms. “Yeah, cats are kind of awesome, especially big cats like panthers and –“ she paused. “They’re cool, I guess.”

Laura struggled to not giggle at Carmilla’s failed attempt at not sounding too enthusiastic about it – the giant panther in her arms not making it any better. She could see it in front of her, fifty years from now – Carmilla Karnstein, the crazy cat lady who has a giant illegal panther in her back yard. That’d keep burglars away alright.

“Well, that’s the only panther you’ll get.” Laura said and pointed at the stuffed animal. Carmilla looked at her, completely unaware of what Laura had pictured in her head. “But we can get a cat, right?” she asked, looking rather worried that Laura would deny her that _too_ – like Carmilla had planned to get a freaking panther all her life.

Laura was completely blown away right now. Who was this person even? And what the frilly hell had they done to her broody, sarcastic, _too cool for fairgrounds_ , _gotta keep my air of mystery_ \- girlfriend?

“I’ll think about it,” the corner of her lips slightly curving upwards at Carmilla’s furrowed brows.

Of course they would get a cat. If Carmilla kept looking at Laura like a small puppy, Laura would go and buy a cat right that moment and throw it at her to make her stop. “Though, I must say I’m very surprised that you don’t have a cat already, now when I’ve found out your extreme enthusiasm for them.” Laura commented.

Carmilla shrugged. “I actually did have a cat,” the answer didn’t surprise Laura the slightest. “She got hit by a car a year ago though and I just never got a new one.” Carmilla added and Laura noticed how she had hugged the stuffed animal slightly closer to herself. “Oh, I’m sorry Carm,” Laura said and placed a hand on Carmilla’s arm. Carmilla half snorted, half laughed.

“It was a cat, no need for that,” she said, sounding almost offended by that Laura had tried to comfort her. “But she obviously meant something to you. When I was younger I had a dog, being an only child and all, he was almost like my brother, but he got sick and – “

“You were a child, I was an adult – am an adult – it’s different.” Carmilla bluntly cut her off. “But it’s not. Just because you’re an adult, doesn’t it mean you aren’t allowed to be sad about it,” Laura grabbed her hand. Carmilla immediately stopped at the contact and spun around, unconsciously snatching back her hand from Laura’s grasp. “I’m not sad about it, okay? It was a stupid cat, I don’t cry over a cat.”

“Carm – “ Laura took a step towards Carmilla. The brunette turned her head to the side, not wanting to face Laura at the moment.

She clenched her jaws. What was this even? Why was Laura so set on that Carmilla was sad over her cat? She _couldn’t_ be sad over a cat, and she _wasn’t_. She wasn’t going to get upset and destroyed because her cat got hit by a car. Not even if it had been her only companion for five years. No, that wasn’t going to help anything. That was just absurd and weak. She’s a grown woman for the love of everything.

“No, I won’t talk about it anymore. This is absolutely ridiculous, Laura. It was a cat and I’m an adult. I get it, it was different for you because you were young and – “ she gritted her teeth together and clung even tighter around the panther. Her mind was racing out of control and the heat from her growing anger felt like it was going to burn holes in her chest.

“But it is okay Carm,” Laura placed her hands on each of Carmilla’s arms. Carmilla grunted slightly in frustration. She swore Laura could be the most stubborn person ever sometimes, and sometimes in a very obnoxious way.

“No Laura, it’s not okay. Don’t you get it? It’s not okay.” Carmilla raised her voice a bit and roughly shrugged Laura’s hands away from her arms. She was done with this conversation.

Laura didn’t get it at all though. She didn’t understand why Carmilla had gotten so distraught by this. There was nothing wrong with grieving the loss of a pet or feeling a bit upset about it. And Carmilla obviously did, she just didn’t want Laura to know. And maybe she didn’t want herself to know it either.

She sighed in defeat. “Alright, we won’t talk about it anymore.”

“Good,” Carmilla bit at her. “Can we leave now? I’m done with this whole fairground crap and your hour is out.” She then said and turned to walk back towards the entrance of the fairground.

Laura’s shoulders sank. Well, there she was; her broody girlfriend was back. Now also with a spoonful of anger added to her. Master plan very much failed.

_Nice going with the overreacting, Karnstein._

* * *

 

The walk back to the entrance was painfully silent and there was absolutely no physical contact between the two of them; they couldn’t even just hold each other’s pinkies, for what it was worth.

Carmilla mentally beat herself up for their fight every time she sneaked a glance at Laura, just to be met by the same sad look on her face each time. Maybe she had overreacted after all. The more she thought about it, the more ludicrous her reaction seemed. Why had she attacked Laura like that when all she tried to do was to show that she cared?

Maybe there still existed something inside Carmilla which didn’t want her to seem vulnerable. Deep down, there was still a part of her which didn’t want the pity and comforting, because she was afraid it’d make her feel weak. She just simply couldn’t let things like that get to her, because she was scared she wouldn’t be able to get back up again. When you’ve gotten your soul broken down into the tiniest of pieces once before, even the smallest things were capable of throwing you back into the deepest of holes if you weren’t careful.

Carmilla had always acted like she wasn’t fragile; but truthfully, just a mere nudge would be enough for her pieces to fall out of place again if she didn’t dodge it fast enough. That’s why she had built her wall so high and sturdy. They were her shield. Though around Laura, they didn’t feel as sturdy – or high – anymore.

At first she had thought she could handle her walls being taken down, but sometimes it still frightened her to the point of where she couldn’t control her actions. She needed to be able to handle it though, otherwise she would lose Laura. The stubborn, tiny human cared about her, which was very obvious. Laura wanted Carmilla to let her in and she had stuck around this far. She knew that if she kept pushing Laura away like this, she might give up on her.

Why Laura cared so much was however still a complete mystery to Carmilla. There was nothing special about her, nothing she could offer to this world – except she apparently could to Laura’s world. Carmilla could not figure out what Laura thought was so special about her, because she often found herself thinking she didn’t deserve Laura. Laura was too good for her. Carmilla was just a sarcastic asshole, who overreacts about everything and pushes people away.

“You know –“ Laura suddenly said from besides her, snapping Carmilla out of her thoughts. Laura sighed silently. “You know why I wanted you to come with me so badly?” she threw a glance at Carmilla, who vaguely shook her head.

“I didn’t tell you fully why, because I didn’t want you to feel forced to come with me out of pity or something like that. I wanted you to choose it yourself,” Carmilla bit the inside of her cheek. “My dad and I go to this stupid fairground every year, in memory of my mom. Today it was eight years ago since she died.” Carmilla took a deep breath. If she hadn’t felt like a jerk about what happened before, she certainly did now.

Laura stopped walking and so did Carmilla. Laura didn’t meet Carmilla’s eyes; looking anywhere but directly at her.

“We used to go every year when she was alive as well. She absolutely loved fairgrounds.” Laura smiled vaguely for a second. “But one year she got stuck at work. She was going to catch up with us as soon as she could and was on her way here when the cab…” Laura went silence and looked down at her feet.

That was when Carmilla realized that Laura wasn’t very different from herself at all. Laura got it, she _understood_. She never talked to Carmilla about her mother and she had been very quick to say that it was – that she was – fine the first time they’d met, because she didn’t want to feel pitied. Just like Carmilla.

Laura didn’t want people to think her past made her fragile. _Just like Carmilla._ Even though they hadn’t been through the same things, Laura did get it. And maybe Laura was so desperate to make Carmilla feel like it was okay to feel, because she was trying convincing herself that as well.

Carmilla took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Laura in a tight hug – walls be damned.

“I’m sorry Laura,” she whispered softly as she felt Laura’s arms wrap around her waist. “I’m sorry I overreacted and attacked you like that, it wasn’t fair,” she tightened her arms around her girlfriend slightly. “And I’m sorry that you had to tell me that in order for me to realize what an idiot I am.”

Walls were crumbling rapidly, but Carmilla couldn’t care less. Laura put hers down, now it was her turn.

“I understand that must’ve been hard for you. Maybe we both need to learn that letting feelings out is okay – me especially,” she made a pause. Laura buried her face into her shoulder, encouraging her to go on. Carmilla took a few deep breaths. Opening up when you’ve been hiding behind thick walls for so long was more draining than she had imagined.

“I can’t promise I’ll always be able to think that way. My mind likes to play its own games – even over the smallest of things – and it often makes me do things which I’m not proud of. Same goes for my past. It’s not pretty and I’ve buried it all inside for so long, it’s hard just letting it all out,” she squeezed Laura a bit closer to her. “But I can promise you that I will try my best to be more open, for you, and –“ Carmilla was interrupted by a small sniffle came from Laura.

“Hey,” she said and moved back so she could look at Laura. She placed a hand on Laura’s cheek and wiped away a tear with her thumb. It was incredible, even when Laura was a crying mess; she was still the most beautiful person Carmilla had ever seen.

“What was her name?” Laura asked in a husky voice. Carmilla raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What?”

“Your cat, what was her name?”

_Oh no, shit._

“Oh god,” Carmilla groaned and leaned her head back slightly. “You have to promise you won’t laugh,” she mumbled. Laura gave her a small smile and nodded. Carmilla knew that Laura would laugh despite her – not so assuring – promise.

“Her name was Star, because well, I kinda like stars.” Carmilla shut her eyes and groaned once more in embarrassment.

Laura did indeed laugh at her, but it was mostly because of how adorably embarrassed Carmilla was and not at the actual name of her cat.

“Hey, you said you wouldn’t laugh!” Carmilla said and pouted. “That is adorable – you are adorable,” Laura said and pulled herself closer to Carmilla. Carmilla furrowed her forehead in a displeased grimace. “I’m not adorable.”

“Oh, yes you are.” Laura leaned slightly closer to her, glancing quickly down at Carmilla’s lips, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“I am not, I’m badass.” Carmilla leaned in as well.

“Oh is that so?”

Closer.

“Absolutely.”

Closer.

Laura hummed right before their lips met and began moving together in a slow-paced and tender kiss. It was filled with all the emotions they couldn’t vocalize. It made the both of them feel like all of the air in their lungs got sucked out – in other words – they were completely breath taken.

Their eyes met as soon as they parted and they locked gazes – both of them completely overwhelmed and in need of taking some deep breaths. So they did, still holding on to each other.

“So, this plan to convince me this isn’t torture… What is next?” Carmilla said and pursed her lips in a crooked smirk. Laura’s face immediately lit up a bit and she smiled that toothy, sunshine smile Carmilla loved so dearly, back at her.

Laura was her new star; her light completely penetrating the darkness which was Carmilla’s sky. She was capable of making Carmilla forget everything she had gone through, the life she had led and the person she had been. Laura reminded her of the person she wanted to be – that she wanted to become a better version of herself.

And so, Laura’s master plan was back in business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APRIL'S FOOL! NO WAY I'M GONNA END THIS FIC ANYTIME SOON. Sorry, I just had to haha, please don't hate me!


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